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shy guy confusion... - 3/30/2008 9:04:46 PM
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girlygirl23
Posts: 9
Joined: 12/23/2007
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Ok, at my college there is this VERY shy Christian boy. I always thought he was cute but didn't pursue anything b/c, well, he was so shy.
Anyway, out of nowhere a few weeks ago, I happened to glance over during class and he was staring right at me and I stared back, and we both confidently looked at each other and smiled. Trust me, he gave me the "i like you" look. Well ever since then there has been subtle flirting from him. He'll awkardly try to start conversations with me, follow me around, and CONSTANTLY stare at me when he doesn't think I'm looking. Not only was I flattered, but also proud of him. I mean he is the shyest person I have ever met and he was making his attempts--small attempts--but attempts nevertheless to connect with me.
Well, when I saw him yesterday, I got absolutely NOTHING from him. Usually I look forward to seeing our cute, take-it-slow flirting but I got NOTHING. He didn't look at me (even when I wasn't looking--I have very good peripheral vision, wink, wink). He didn't talk to me. In fact I think he was deliberately ignoring me. I am SOOO confused. Just when I thought he was coming out of his shell he's closed off again.
{I've been told by numerous ppl he has never had a girlfriend before, which I could kind of gather from his behavior.}
I do really like him. But I am afraid that he suddenly decided that he doesn't want to be more than friends so he is trying to not lead me on in any way.
I don't know. I don't get it, just last week he was giving me the "looks" and stuttering while trying to talk to me. It probably doesn't help that when I'm around him I tend to freeze up and get shy too, thus why i didn't go and talk to him.
What has happened?
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RE: shy guy confusion... - 3/30/2008 9:38:45 PM
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mrtigger
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quote:
ORIGINAL: girlygirl23
What has happened?
Maybe he didn't pick up on it that you are interested in him also.
Maybe he's just lost his nerve.
Who knows for sure. But my guess is he probably is still interested. Ask him to go have a chat with you over coffee or something and see where it goes.
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RE: shy guy confusion... - 3/31/2008 9:16:30 AM
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dinomax55
Posts: 259
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Sounds like he did lose his nerve, or felt that he missed an opportunity. You should talk to him- small talk will give him an opportunity to open up..
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RE: shy guy confusion... - 3/31/2008 9:51:59 AM
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Biblefreak
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From: the spirit of God
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Pray and ask God what to do. But, at last say "Hi."
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And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love"
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RE: shy guy confusion... - 3/31/2008 1:31:39 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 1324
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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maybe he had a bad day, maybe he heard incorrectly you weren't available, maybe he did lose a little nerve but we can speculate all day ... why not be more direct as suggested? you guys are in class together at college, there can be lots of reasons you can kinda put yourself out there with little rejection such as asking to go over notes or ask to go over a few problems you got wrong on a test. since he has kinda followed you around before, you might know a little of his schedule and can suggest doing this over lunch or something?
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RE: shy guy confusion... - 3/31/2008 8:05:41 PM
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willfs
Posts: 67
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I really don't know. It could be a number of things. I am a shy guy and I will do some very similiar stuff. I found that if I really liked a girl then I would do more than just stare at her. I have done that with a lot of girls.
He may be kinda worn out with dealing with his shyness and trying to connect with you. He may have had a bad day, but even then, how could he not know that he is sending mixed signals?
He may be flacky. I'm sorry to say that but that is only from my experience with myself.
I did happen to find a girl who I have been playing the shy game with recently ( I asked a question about it in the "She says" forum ) although I don't stare as much and try awhole lot harder to talk to her (kinda like your guy) although I have missed the opportunity or chickened out. With most girls, I will just stare, see if I get a reaction from her and entertain the idea of doing something with her. Then I flack out - though not on purpose. Its different with this girl (I hope) and it may be different for him.
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RE: shy guy confusion... - 4/5/2008 2:32:13 PM
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jn1010lf
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Hello girlygirl23
I can't help but feel that there's something fundamentally amiss with this shy boy you refer to. Guys are naturally attracted to girls. I would see if I couldn't get some kind of help for him. Do you now if he has any guy friends that could encourage him? I would not get personally involved with him because such shyness isn't normal.
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RE: shy guy confusion... - 4/9/2008 12:50:56 PM
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DaveW
Posts: 3592
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From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
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Such shyness is not normal? For a guy who stutters? Sounds normal to me.
I was at least that shy and I did not have any handicaps like that. Just overactive hormones.....
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RE: shy guy confusion... - 4/9/2008 1:11:56 PM
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trainfan
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quote:
Such shyness is not normal? For a guy who stutters? Sounds normal to me.
Ditto I was also very shy and sometimes still struggle with it. Seeing if you can get him "help" IMO is a very bad idea unless you want to really alienate him. Give him a chance and as others have suggested talk to him or at least say hi so he knows you're (at least somewhat) interested.
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RE: shy guy confusion... - 4/10/2008 8:00:19 AM
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PromiseLander
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UGH!!! Enough with the subtleties already! ASK THE GUY OUT! If you keep playing it low key, you may NEVER know what could happen. What's the worst that could happen? He'd say no. Guess what, he won't say no. And if he does? So what, be friends. Trust me, when I was in college, I learned that my time there was much too short to wonder about the "could have" or "should have." Look, ask the dude over for a movie rental and a pizza - no romance needed, just be the dude's flirty friend. Some of the BEST marriages have started out that way.
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RE: shy guy confusion... - 4/10/2008 8:39:22 AM
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Osano
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I agree with part of your answer life is too short. However, when it comes to romance with the opposite sex, there something fundamentally wrong if a guy cannot ask a girl out if he really wanted too.
As a woman, personally I would start to wonder if I asked a man out if:
1. Did he really like me or is it because I went after him?
2. Secondly, part of me would loose respect for him. If he wasn't courageous enough to ask me out, how can he lead me as a woman? (Ok this may be a stretched since this is just a date, but for me personally, it gives me a glimpse of who is going to lead in the relationship IF it progresses.
3. Something about courageous men that makes me think of God.
4. I do not want to be married to a man that will not lead, so why start with one.
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RE: shy guy confusion... - 4/10/2008 8:58:36 AM
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PromiseLander
Posts: 131
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Osano
I agree with part of your answer life is too short. However, when it comes to romance with the opposite sex, there something fundamentally wrong if a guy cannot ask a girl out if he really wanted too.
As a woman, personally I would start to wonder if I asked a man out if:
1. Did he really like me or is it because I went after him?
2. Secondly, part of me would loose respect for him. If he wasn't courageous enough to ask me out, how can he lead me as a woman? (Ok this may be a stretched since this is just a date, but for me personally, it gives me a glimpse of who is going to lead in the relationship IF it progresses.
3. Something about courageous men that makes me think of God.
4. I do not want to be married to a man that will not lead, so why start with one.
I can understand your caution about a guy not asking a girl out, sometimes there are issues.. But as a guy I can tell you that there is usually nothing wrong with him if he can't or doesn't ask a girl out. You can't seriously think that there is automatically something wrong with him do you? Just because he doesn't put the first foot forward doesn't mean he's not a natural leader - ever heard of the strong silent type?
You say that you don't want to start a relationship with a man who won't lead right off the bat? I say that I don't want to have anything to do with a woman that can't make up her own dern mind. If you know what you want in life - go for it! That goes for men and women.
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RE: shy guy confusion... - 4/10/2008 1:21:06 PM
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willfs
Posts: 67
Joined: 12/28/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Osano
there something fundamentally wrong if a guy cannot ask a girl out if he really wanted too.
I could definetly argue how a guy not asking a girl out could be a red flag
HOWEVER
You won't really know what kind of guy he is until after you get to know him.
You don't know if his shyness at the beginning is an indicator of something bigger until you get to know him.
You don't know the extent of his lack of courage until you really get to know him.
I am not trying to push you to ask him out. There are certain things that might immediately turn me off of a girl. It would be great if he asked you out. I just wanted to make the point that it might be best to get to know him before deciding how big a character flaw his shyness indicates.
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RE: shy guy confusion... - 4/13/2008 3:27:52 PM
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Osano
Posts: 48
Joined: 11/19/2007
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After listening to your arguements. I agree that maybe you do need to get to know him better. However something in me personally would start to wonder does he really like me or is it because I asked him out?
I guess my question is can guys be in a relationship because there is no one else better? If your answer is yes, then I would rather not be in one. You know what I mean?
Personally, I will probably view shy guys in a different light because of your comments and maybe more direct with my interest instead of being shy too. However, I don't think I am the kind of girl that will ever ask a guy out unless I know that there is no romantic interest on my part.
That is what's unique about everywomen, some girls do and some girls just don't.
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