When You Don't Feel Able

God called me to write a book.

And the angel of the Lord appeared to [Gideon] and said to him,
"The Lord is with you, O mighty man of valor." (Ju. 6:12)

This summer, God has felt not felt "with me" and I've felt not a smidgeon mighty.

I wrote this thing last winter, with power, but this season, I lamented.

Everything broke. My knee got hurt; I couldn't exercise. My shoulder continued to hurt; it wouldn't stop. My house was isolated; I knew no one. Kids camps got cancelled; my time got cut short. Rejections came; my heart got burdened. I re-read the words of the book; doubt covered me.

If you remove the promises of God
from the work of your hands,
you'll land in the dirt of defeat and doubt.

And Gideon said to him, "Please, sir, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all his wonderful deeds that our fathers recounted to us, saying, 'Did not the Lord bring us up from Egypt?' But now the Lord has forsaken us and given us into the hand of Midian." (Judges 6:13)

And Kelly said to God,
"Why has this happened to me? Where are your wonderful deeds?
Did you not say you would use this book, me, and my life?
But now you have forgotten me and left me looking up unscalable heights." 

I haven't learned much this summer, but I've learned,
when you get real with God, he really answers.

And the Lord turned to him and said,
"Go in this might of yours and save Israel from the hand of Midian; do not I send you?" (Ju. 6:14)

And the Lord turned to me and said, 
"Kelly, this is my work.
Go in my might and
minister to fearful hearts.
Do I not send you?

Abandoned?
Less than?
Where do you feel more minuscule than mighty?

And he said to him, "Please, Lord, how can I save Israel?
He continued Behold, my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father's house." (Ju. 6:15)

And Kelly said to him, "Me? I am a nobody. I don't look like her. I don't talk like her. I don't have gifts or money or a way. I am the least and hardly even a writer."

And the Lord said to him, "But I will be with you, and you shall strike the Midianites as one man." (Ju. 6:16)

Admit to God authentically where you can't 
and he'll remind you how He can.

There is no method to God's mightiness.  No recipe to his success. No progress without him. No encouragement apart from him. This God, needs nothing from us, because everything, all power and purpose, is Him.

In one strike, through one woman or man, he can - and will - do what he wants to do. He'll win. It's that simple.

Rest easy, friends,
no ability, no skill, no strength, no plan, no power is required - but Him.

This is where beauty is, because...

When all strength comes from God,
all glory tends to go to God.

One man.
One woman.
One step.
His power.
A connective spark of glory is lit.

He doesn't need our anything,
because he is everything. 

Wherever you feel incapable, know: God is capable. Wherever you feel anxious, know: God already has the end in mind. Wherever you feel less than, know: God is greater than your perceptions of yourself. Wherever you feel unseen, know: God cares for every stray feeling, thought and tear that falls.

You are not left, but loved. Not forgotten, but being forged into his image. Keep at it and keep trusting and His wind until, one day, it pushes you home.

 

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