Originally published Wednesday, 05 October 2016.
We loved each other, I thought. Dashing up to him, I placed a decorated plate of deviled eggs before him, my favorite. I hoped he loved them, because coming off a fresh loss, my heart was hurting and looking for care. I completely botched up the championship basketball game by dropping and kicking the ball out of bounds on the court. Not once, but twice. Whoops. All I wanted sympathy, compassion. My heart hurt - but, little did I know, it was about to hurt even more.
He looked up at me and shoved the eggs away. His eyes said it all, he no longer wanted to know me. I wasn't good enough. He got up and grabbed something behind the door. It was a woman. Ushering her in by her hand, he carefully sat her down in my chair and gave me the look, "I am done with you. It's time to go."
Aimlessly roaming the streets, I found myself homeless. I had only my comforter, a blanket that was a prize from the basketball game. Not knowing where to go, I held it close - it had my teammates signatures on it. I walked on and on.
When someone deserts us, we walk in a desert.
With a million piles of past rejection on us.
I woke. Thank you, God, this was only a dream. But, was it? Perhaps, it is reality.
Have you ever noticed, the rejection today carries the weight of yesterday? What pours is the same waterfall of emotions.
Just yesterday, I walked outside a military base. I grabbed a coffee first. Intending to go in, I stared down at my shirt. Dang it! I'd gone splashed coffee all over myself.
I can't go in there.
Not around those people in starched up uniforms.
Ones dressed to military perfection.
They'll stare.
They'll laugh at my stains.
They'll see straight into me. They'll be confronted with my faults. My botch-ups. It is too much, way too much.
Afraid of being a walking eyesore, I stop mid-step - I remembered something...
Whether I'm walking stained or with fresh rejection pain,
just like in my dream, I always walk with the inscribed Comforter.
Do I even give it credence? Do I allow it to serve its purpose?
But the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will help you remember everything that I have told you. (Jo. 14:26 AMP)
Do you cover yourself with the warmth, protection and safety of the Comforter when you feel uncomfortable? When you feel undone in shame?
You can, because He is with you. We don't roam this barren earth without support, without care.
As Christians, we can press up against the Comforter who:
1. Leads us in the way we should go. (John 16:13)
2. Brings freedom. (2 Cor. 3:17)
3. Dispenses love and joy. (1 Thess. 1:6)
3. Speaks the mind of Christ to us. (1 Cor. 2:16)
4. Points our heart back to Jesus. (John 16:14-15)
When we draw near the Comforter,
we draw real and tangible strength from the Savior.
Jesus, He chose me, stains and all.
Jesus, He covers me with his love.
Jesus, He did not abandon me. And never will.
Jesus, He will make me white, no matter how coffee-splattered my shirt is.
Jesus, He will reflect light onto me as I turn my darkness into it.
I walked right onto that military base.
I walk, stained, amongst the perfection of starched uniforms, precision strides and measured haircuts. I walked, me - a stained, plain girl. But what I also walk with - is comfort.
It reminds me, I need not be perfect. I need not be flawless. I need just walk with my Comforter, the one who inscribes the name of Christ on me. Then, suddenly, it is not about me - or giant coffee stains - any longer. I find hope.
"For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life." (Gal. 6:8)
If I could, I would sow that Comforter right on me. But, you know what? I don't have to, he's sowed in me.
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