Originally published Thursday, 02 May 2013.
I recently learned that I just couldn’t do “it” in my own strength.
The word “it” could really stand for anything, whatever you struggle with, whatever you are trying to “figure out” or break FREE from!
For me, it was fear, fear of marriage mainly!
I won’t go into that story right now, I will later though, it has been quite a journey. I have seen God do amazing miracles to soften my heart towards this fear over the past 2 years. I have been through a lot of prayer counseling and deliverance type ministry regarding this. BUT I still had “some left” and I couldn’t “figure out” for the life of me what to do about it or how to “fix myself”.
{News Flash! We can’t fix ourselves} I have learned this the long, hard and expensive way!
Recently I was at a great conference called TRUE IDENTITY I heard some of what I have heard before, basically the devil is a LIAR….. Jennifer (the keynote speaker) talked about how we become comfortable with the lies we are told (by ourselves, the world and satan, the enemy of our souls), we accept them as truth and we live and operate out of them! UGH…SO TRUE…
As we went for “personal reflection time” I thought to myself
“Lord we STILL aren’t talking about the fear of marriage are we? I mean we have been over this same fear a million times. I thought it was gone??? I have prayed every prayer, forgiven everyone I can think of, I can’t believe I am still dealing with THIS SAME FEAR… UGHHHHHHHHHH”
Lie #1: Shouldn’t I be free of this already? (Satan wanted me to THINK I was over it, but God wanted one more thing, my total surrender of it)
Lie #2: “God aren’t you tired of hearing me talk about it, I am pretty sure everyone else is”
This next part is straight from my journal as I started my time with God:
ME: “Lord, What is it????? Where did the lie start? Where was its point of entry? What started it?”
(As you can see, I was still trying to figure it out, I was asking kind of weird questions, because I had asked all the other questions before)
All I heard was: “I am better alone”
I then thought, what in the world does that mean?
ME: “Lord, can you help me? I don’t understand!"
I then wrote: “I am safer, I am free, I don’t want to be tied down, what if they bug me??”
I was so confused, what does it all even mean?
I suddenly threw down my pen in complete frustration not understanding and cried out:
“Lord, I can’t do it, I can’t do it ANYMORE, I don’t know what else to DO, you must do it for me, you have to, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I just can’t! (shaking as I cried out to God)
Usually my prayers are a tad more elegant, not this one, it was like a frustrated child who was throwing a bit of a fit, needing her daddy to help!
He wanted His little princess to cry out to Him and ask for help, ask for Him to take it because she didn’t know what to do with it.
Finally, I surrendered it.
I thought I had done this months ago, a couple years ago even. But apparently I was holding onto a little bit of it still! I had made fear a friend!
Just a simple, but often difficult surrender and admittance of my weakness, changed everything! NO GRAND STORY (and I LOVE a grand story)
Surrender the reoccurring story of my life!
So here is the question? What do you fear? Do you think you can surrender it to the Lord? I would love to hear from you on this if you feel comfortable sharing!
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