Originally published Friday, 08 February 2013.
Jealousy.
This is where my insides are at their most awkwardly ugly. Where I feel embarrassingly repulsive.
Like an acne breakout at the height of puberty. Just before prom. With the boy of my dreams.
Jealousy is just embarrassing. Nothing makes me feel like a petulant teen like jealousy.
Anger. Hatred.
These are different. These I justify. These come after abuse, hurt. These have been earned.
I'm not just throwing some toddler-esque tantrum over spilt milk.
I am angry because something terrible has been done to me. I hate because how could I possibly love or like or even put up with something, someone, so .... so.... hateful?
When I dig down deep and ask the tough questions, I find their origin. Jealousy. Anger. Hatred. I seek them out, hold on to them, wear them around, because I'm so wrapped up in me.
I'm not thinking of God, His love, how there's so much of it, and it's so great and so all encompassing that it could replace that jealousy. How I could seek out His love, hold on to it, wear it, get wrapped up in it.
I'm not thinking of God's justice, how He is so good and true and right. I'm viewing God through my circumstances, instead of viewing my circumstances through what I know of God. He.is.just. He will take care of that one that has made me so angry, that which I hate so very much.
But instead of wrapping myself in Him, I'm too wrapped up in me.
So. I'm jealous. and angry. I hate.
And I absolutely hate that I do.
Day 7:
Filling Up on His Love: Psalm 36:5-10
5 Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
6 Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
You, Lord, preserve both people and animals.
7 How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
8 They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
9 For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.
your righteousness to the upright in heart.
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
8 They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
9 For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.
your righteousness to the upright in heart.
10 Continue your love to those who know you,
God’s love reaches to the heavens.
I can’t even imagine that. How great that is. To have someone love me with that kind of love. That far reaching, unending, unfailing.
His love is priceless. And out of his love flows righteousness and justice and faithfulness and safety and spiritual abundance.
Pouring Out His Love on Others: 1 John 3:11-15
11 For this is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. 12 Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother’s were righteous. 13 Do not be surprised, my brothers and sisters,[a] if the world hates you. 14 We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other. Anyone who does not love remains in death. 15 Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.
How opposite from Psalm 36! What a reminder of our jealously and anger and evil toward one another.
We are loved from here to the ends of the universe by a faithful, righteous, just God. Yet we continue to be angry and jealous and hate one another.
Of course, our hatred and anger isn’t always unfounded. You may have been wronged, hurt, abused. But God’s justice is “like the great deep.” And we can rest in His love and His justice rather than harboring our own hatred, which does nothing but separate us from God.
Today’s Challenge… release hatred, anger, & jealousy
Pray through this one. Who has made you angry? Who have you/do you hate? Of whom or what are you jealous?
Confess it. Pray for God’s forgiveness.
Fill the void of hatred & anger with knowledge of God’s justice that it is as deep as the ocean. He is the Great Judge, and we can leave it in His hands to judge those who have wronged us.
When you are jealous, rest in the knowledge of God’s provision:
7 How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
8 They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
9 For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.
your righteousness to the upright in heart.
10 Continue your love to those who know you,
He has given us refuge, abundance, the fountain of true life in Him. When we are jealous of others, what they have, who they are, how they look, we can confess it and focus instead on what we have... The faithful, unending, unfathomably deep love of a Wonderful Provider. Providing love & comfort, quenching our spiritual thirst.
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