Confessions of a Fix-a-Holic

Hi, my name is Renee Fisher and I have a confession to make: I am a fix-a-holic. I struggle with just listening because I like to take action and fix things.

The more I share this with my female friends -- the more I come to realize that I am not alone. I am not the only one who wants to get involved, rise above the challenges, and intervene.

But.

There are circumstances that are beyond my control, thank God, including circumstances that are not even my responsibility. I don't know about you, but this is hard for me to accept. I struggle with just listening. I don't always feel the need to connect (like most women) -- sometimes I just want to fix things immediately (like most men).

Less talking, more fixing!

I didn't realize how much I struggled with fixing things until my husband's job became such an issue. I can't even tell you how many times I wanted to march into his work place and take names. Maybe it's because I was tired of hearing about how frustrated he's been for the past three years.

But.

I'm so glad I didn't because something even more amazing happened. God delivered my husband! God provided an opportunity for Marc to work remotely. He changed the heart of Marc's boss and others in his work place.

It's kind of amazing to think that we can just pick up and move to Austin, TX whenever we want (or wherever God calls us). I seriously look forward to that because we're tired of feeling in-between church community for the past three years.

But.

I have another confession to make. Through these Life Coaching Classes at Light University Online -- I realize my obsession with wanting to fix things is not good. I know now that a life coach is not supposed to tell the client what to do. The difference between counseling and life coaching is found in the results. While a counselor assists his or her client through healing from past incidents including trauma, mental health, or abuse -- a coach helps their client set his or her goals for the future. A licensed psychologist can medically diagnose a patient and assist in the healing process including any struggles and challenges that leave a person feeling "stuck." A life coach helps keep their clients accountable to the personal goals they set for themselves.

"Coaching asks what are you going to do next? It draws out their creative energy, and draws [the client] to action" (Dr. Catherine Hart Weber).

The more I struggle with just listening in my relationships -- the more I let the enemy gain a foothold.

I am confident that I have lost friendships in the past because of it. Because I truly want to help people, I need to let go of my urge to fix people and situations. I need my first reaction to be prayer.

One of my assignments this week was to write a list of values that define my coaching style. After struggling to narrow down my list -- I realized I was trying to accomplish all the values on the list. No wonder why I am not quick to listen, slow to speak, or slow to become angry (James 1:19). Instead of becoming like Martha -- I must become like Mary and choose the better portion (Luke 10:42) for his yoke is easy and his burden is light (Matthew 11:30). In alphabetical order, here are the values I shared in my discussion group:

1. Adaptability – The ability to be flexible and/or to change to the needs of my clients
2. Aspiration – To aspire to greatness and to hold my clients to greatness as well
3. Cheerfulness – I value cheerfulness, enthusiasm, and joy because I have been through too much not to hold these values in high esteem. I aim to show my clients that no matter what they encounter they can choose cheerfulness too!
4. Community (Family) – God, Family, Work, Others. In this world it’s hard not to value lesser things as greater things. God says to seek Him first and all the other things will fall into place (Matthew 6:33).
5. Encouragement – I sign all my emails with “Be Encouraged.” Enough said!
6. Faith – My faith is the guiding force of my life, and it is my hope that this is the guiding force of my clients as well.
7. Honesty – As classmate Rick Hester said, “I believe it is far more important to be honest than to be right.” Sometimes coaching includes helping other clients learn how to be honest instead of right—and this is very hard to do!
8. Initiative – I love taking the initiative and I love helping people hold themselves accountable for their actions. Maybe that’s why I love being a dream coach so much!
9. Perseverance – Do not give up. Overcoming is possible. Need I say more?
10. Recognition – It’s always nice to be recognized for your hard work, and if I can help fill in the gaps for my clients then I look forward to recognizing their accomplishments when family or friends cannot.

I wonder if you too, struggle with just listening in your relationships? I wonder if you struggle with fixing every problem that arises? Instead of running ourselves ragged -- let's encourage one another to come to the feet of Jesus. Let's remain there for a while. Let's worship with our whole hearts.  Let's fine peace and healing and inner strength.

Question: Which values below is God calling you to pick from this list to define your life?