Originally published Wednesday, 04 February 2015.
But I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going. I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are the things I'll be doing for them - sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute. Isaiah 42:16 (MSG)
I was 21, and standing in the dog food aisle, when I realised that I did not want to kill myself anymore.
I remember the moment clearly; I can even picture the bag of dog food I was examining when I realised that I did not want to die, that I wanted to take another shot at life.
For the first time in almost a year, I wanted to breathe, to live, and to stop wishing cars would run me over when I walked to University.
When I was growing up – blowing bubbles, climbing jungle gyms and jumping on trampolines – I never imagined at 21 I would be unravelling like the hem of my trouser leg and needing to crawl home for some love and repair and hope.
I had walked away from the life I had dreamt of living and I did not know what to do next, or who I was, or what life meant.
Unsure of who I was, and with depression lingering, I knew only one thing: Jesus was with me and he liked me. {tweet this}
Even today there are times when I know nothing else but this one thing. I do not understand it. And I wrestle and grapple and argue about it constantly with myself, with others, and with Jesus.
Jesus liked all of me. He liked the dark places I wished to flee, and the shadows where I dwelt, and the light that reminded me of who I used to be. Jesus stayed with me, not out of pity, but out of love.
I do not know how Jesus happened to be there, and I do not know how he found me, all I know is that he was there.
When I was stumbling through my life, when I was wandering in darkness, Jesus was with me, and he liked me, every bit as much as the little girl who laughed on the swing.
To be honest, sometimes it felt like I was alone, like I was walking with my hands out along a foggy road but then the mist would clear and I’d catch a glimpse of the One who walked with me.
I’d hold that picture in my mind and head towards it reminding myself of the promise in Isaiah 42:16:
I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going. I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are the things I'll be doing for them - sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute.
Sometimes my life still makes no sense to me, often I feel myself battling the darkness, squinting for a glimpse of the One I know will take my hand before I fall, the One I know will stick with me through the darkest days.
Ponder: Do you think that Jesus likes you on best days? What about on the worst ones?
Prayer: Lord, take my hand when I can’t see where I’m going.
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- This was orginally published on my site in October 2014. To read more devotionals like this go to ilovedevotionals.com
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