Throughout our lives, we have the opportunity to create dreams for our lives. From the time we are children, we start dreaming. Sadly, as we get older, many of our dreams die. This can be caused by things outside of our control, our interests changing, or someone killing our dreams. While some of these things cause more pain than others, they all result in the death of a dream.
As a child, I had a dream that I was going to work in a zoo. Giraffes quickly became my favorite animal, and I wanted to work with them as I got older.
All of us have the dream of “what I want to be when I grow up,” and mine was a zookeeper. While this might not be the most glamorous of jobs, it’s what I wanted to be for a period of time.
The death of this dream came when my mother shared with me that if I worked as a zookeeper, the animals would eventually die. This broke my heart, and I couldn’t bring myself to have this dream any longer.
I love giraffes and all animals, but I couldn’t cope with the idea of caring for animals, knowing that I would outlive them. My sister also had a similar death of a dream because she wanted to be a veterinarian.
Even though she also loved animals, she knew that animals who came to the vet were sick and many of them would pass away.
What my sister and I had to learn then is what I still carry with me today. We have to learn to accept the pain that comes from the death of a dream and not allow our lives to crumble because of it. Although the death of a childhood dream might not be seen as severe as an adult dream, it is still painful.
Despite the pain being strong, I still learned what it meant to accept the death of a dream at a young age and be able to have the strength to move forward. Sadly, I cannot say that I am this strong anymore.
The death of a dream in our adult years can cause us to experience even more pain than childhood dreams. Similar to many people, I started having new dreams that I did not have in childhood.
These dreams included wanting to move out, start my dream job, and be around people who truly care about me. Some people might not see these things as dreams but rather as goals. However, for me, none of these things sounded tangible.
As someone who struggles with financial stability, immense self-doubt, and people not caring about me, it can be hard to believe any of these things would happen to me. They feel like hopeful dreaming rather than things that could actually happen.
Maybe you have also felt this way, and everything felt impossible. Some people see “no-brainer” things as some of the most difficult things for others.
Another pain that we have to accept is the death of relationships. Whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or family relationships, sometimes we have to cope with the death of our dream with one of these individuals.
When it comes to romantic relationships, we have to let go of dreams with certain individuals when they don’t treat us well, constantly hurt us, or are unfaithful to us. All of these things are painful, and we have to give ourselves time to grieve our dreams.
Maybe you were with someone who made you feel truly amazing, loved you deeply, and promised they would never go. A random day comes and all of a sudden, he has changed his mind. He no longer wants to be with you.
For anyone who has gone through this, you know how painful it can be. Not only do you have to experience the death of a dream with the person, but you also get your heart broken and you feel not good enough.
You feel if you were “better,” “prettier,” or “different,” maybe he wouldn’t have left you. Friend, you are good enough just as you are. You are beautiful, amazing, and unique. There is no one like you in the entire world.
The Lord created you uniquely, and He loves you without bounds (1 John 3:1; Romans 8:31-39). This doesn’t eradicate the pain you are feeling, but know that you are unconditionally loved by God.
Allow the pain to come into your heart, and give yourself time to feel it. Grief has no timeline; therefore, don’t beat yourself up if it takes longer than you originally thought. When a person we love ends things with us, it will affect us.
The pain comes so strongly because we still love them, and we remember all of the happy memories. The memories that made us feel as though we were loved, good enough, beautiful, and had a secure future with this person.
Give yourself time to process these feelings and seek out help if you feel the pain is uncontrollable. Sometimes, learning to accept the pain of a lost dream can only be done through therapy and assistance from professionals.
Turn to the Lord and tell Him your feelings, but don’t be afraid to see a Christian therapist, too. A Christian therapist will be able to help you process these feelings while keeping God involved. They will also be able to give you coping skills to help you when the days are harder.
The death of a lost experience can also abound in our hearts. A key lesson my therapist taught me was that sometimes we have to grieve things we never got to experience.
One of the main things that come to mind is the relationship I didn’t get to have with my mother. I wanted a mom-daughter relationship like I had seen my friends have and even my own sisters had with my mom. My mom worked a full-time job plus was a full-time mom.
Due to taking on more than she could manage at work, her mom life would often suffer. As an adult now, I’m aware that my mom was busy and stressed, but as a teen, I just saw that she didn’t want to spend time with me.
Whether my feelings were based on facts rather than emotions, I do not know. I just know I wanted more time with my mom and a better relationship with her.
Being able to reconnect with her as an adult is not an option because she is no longer here. She passed away many years ago, and I will never see her on this side of heaven again.
I learned that I had to grieve the death of all the experiences I never had with my mom, as well as the ones I will never have with her.
This is painful even to write; however, it is something that we all have to learn. Many of our dreams will die because our loved ones will pass away, and we won’t be able to make new memories with them again until we are with them in heaven.
Learning to cope with the pain is difficult and unbearable at times, yet it is possible. Going to the Lord in prayer and pouring out your heart to Him is something that always helps. Jesus loves you more than anyone, and He is always there to listen.
Even though you won’t hear Him reply out of a storm cloud, you will know that He is surrounding you with His love. The Lord will bind up your wounds and heal your broken heart (Psalm 147:3).
As mentioned earlier, sometimes therapy is what is needed in order to heal. Personally, this in addition to going to God in prayer has helped me greatly. Choose to surround yourself with people who truly care about you. This is the time to be with your family or your friends.
People who truly love you will be there for you and help you carry this burden. Even if you don’t have anybody in your life right now like this, know that Jesus will carry all of your burdens, concerns, and the death of your dreams (Matthew 11:28-30; 1 Peter 5:7).
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