Do not be too proud to ask for advice the next time. Seeking advice from reputable, God-fearing people takes nothing away from your intelligence; it builds on it.
“I hope that this year, you make mistakes. If you do, then it means you have tried, learned, lived, pushed yourself, changed you and your world, and most importantly, you have done something.” Neil Gaiman, British writer
Neil Gaiman’s quote is not a common perspective of how mistakes are viewed. We try our best to avoid them and would rather not think about them if possible. Mistakes can be huge or minor! Whether big or small, the question is can we find meaning in our mistakes?
I am reminded of an incident that took place with my children when they were young. We were talking and laughing in our kitchen. I poured the last of my favorite cereal into a bowl and proceeded to add the milk. Well, it was supposed to be milk. During our conversation and laughter, I was distracted and grabbed the orange juice instead and poured it into my bowl of cereal. Here is the thing, the kids saw the mistake I made when I reached for the orange juice instead of the milk and they said nothing! I realized my mistake when I looked in my bowl of cereal and the milk was orange. Oh, the kids thought this was hilarious and so did I!
We were able to find great humor in this mistake. Nothing was lost but a bowl of cereal and orange juice. Not much to bounce back from, right? Trust me, I have other stories about mistakes I have made that are too embarrassing to share in this article, and I'm sure you do as well.
Here is one critical point of clarity before going further: mistakes and sin are not always synonymous (though sin likes to take advantage of mistakes). Sin is falling short of God’s perfect standard. Whether willingly or if done out of ignorance, to disobey God’s instructions requires repentance. Unfortunately, to make ourselves and others feel better about falling short of God’s standards, we want to describe it as a “mistake” instead of sin. The Scriptures say that all have sinned (not all have made a mistake) and come short of God’s perfect standard according to Romans 3:23.
A mistake is defined as a judgment or action that is wrong or misguided. It begins with our intentions. A mistake often starts with a positive action expecting a positive outcome or result. Somewhere between the original intention and the outcome, a wrong decision was made. Perhaps, it was made based on faulty information. The combination of a wrong decision and faulty information produces an undesirable outcome. This is often what we call a mistake.
Is there meaning in our mistakes? Yes, indeed, there can be, but only if we look for the meaning and choose to thwart sin's snares.
The Edge Treatment Center alumni suggest, and I concur, that we can reframe our mistakes. Instead of viewing our mistakes as failures, reframe them and see them in a different view: as opportunities (2022).
Taking the following action steps will help you to begin to reframe your mistakes and see them as opportunities for learning and growth:
Action Step 1: Acknowledge the mistake.
Acknowledge the mistake to yourself and others who were impacted. Do not brush over it. You do yourself a disservice to pretend the mistake did not happen. This step of acknowledgment will help you later identify the learning opportunities.
Action Step 2: Avoid shifting blame.
Do not blame others for your wrong decisions by saying such things as, “Well I only did that because of the information he/she gave me.” Sometimes we simply say that “something went wrong.” When doing so, you’re not pointing the finger at anyone else, but this certainly is not taking responsibility either. Take ownership of your mistake.
Action Step 3: Identify ALL casualties.
As a result of your decision and error, was anyone hurt? The first person who comes to mind on the list is yourself, but was anyone else hurt in the process? Other casualties might include co-workers or family members. Be thorough in your consideration to make certain to identify them all.
Action Step 4: Make amends.
Offer a sincere apology, without excuses, to anyone hurt by your mistake. Again, do not shift the blame because the final action that hurt them belongs to you. If the person inquires and asks for more details about how you arrived at your decision, be okay with sharing and assuming responsibility.
Action Step 5: Feel the pain.
A common reaction when we make mistakes is to brush over them and move on. Professor Selin Malkoc co-authored a study that reports that the most effective way to learn from our mistakes is to feel the pain of the mistake. Feeling and concentrating on the pain connected to the mistake is a motivator for a person to try harder not to repeat the same mistake, to avoid reliving that pain connected to that mistake (Malkoc, 2017).
Action Step 6: Remedy the mistake.
Owning our mistakes allows us to explore ways to remedy the situation. Evaluate and determine what can be fixed and what is not fixable. Develop a plan of action to fix what can be corrected.
Action Step 7: What will you do differently next time?
Practice being responsibly wrong. This means learning from our mistakes requires us to do a thorough self-reflection to determine what actions we can adjust going forward. Through self-reflection, you may realize that you had the opportunity to get advice from others with more experience, but you thought it was beneath you to ask for input or assistance. Next time, be willing to receive input from others. If your mistake was based on misinformation received by a third party, do your due diligence next time to verify the information before proceeding.
Action Step 8: Seek God’s wisdom.
Sometimes we do not take small or simple things to God because we believe we can handle them on our own. Pride hides our finite vision. Yet, the knowledge you have obtained through Christ's words is wonderful. The wisdom God offers is to help us know how to apply the knowledge. The following verses remind us that we have access to God’s wisdom and direction:
“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” James 1:5
Action Step 9: Seek wise counsel.
To reframe our mistakes and see them as opportunities, we must be receptive to expanding our knowledge base by including the wise counsel of others. Do not be too proud to ask for advice the next time. Seeking advice from reputable, God-fearing people takes nothing away from your intelligence; it builds on it.
“Without counsel, plans go wrong, but with many advisers they succeed.” Proverbs 15:22 (NRSV)
Action Step 10: Forgive yourself and move forward.
You have taken responsibility for your mistake, but make certain not to condemn yourself and question your abilities going forward, staying stuck in the past. Forward progress requires that you look ahead and press forward. We have Paul as our example:
“Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14
We can absolutely find meaning in our mistakes. Learn how to reframe them and see them as opportunities for forgiveness and growth as you follow the outlined actions steps.
Additional Resources:
What to Do When You Realize You've Made a Mistake
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/SIphotography
Sandra Cobb is a grateful mother of three amazing children and grandmother of nine precious grandbabies. She is a certified Forgiveness Coach, speaker, and author of "Free to Forgive." She is passionate about sharing the love of God and testimonies of how faithful He is!
