It's great to get close with people, but it's not helpful to close others off in the process. Here are five radical perspectives to break down these walls.
When churches talk about unity, one imagines a diverse mosaic of people coming together, sharing their faith, and growing as a collective. Unfortunately, what frequently occurs is the formation of tight-knit groups that deepen their bonds while unintentionally hindering the vital connections sought by others. There is something deeply contradictory in churches about creating environments where we gather to profess love and acceptance, and yet we somehow find ourselves huddled in exclusive circles. This piece is not an attack on the bonds of friendship or camaraderie but a call to action to reconsider who and what we are excluding as we become more interconnected in our churches.
The Unspoken Rule of Church Cliquiness
The formation of cliques poses an insidious threat to the unity that churches strive for. They start innocently enough — a group of people with shared interests or backgrounds who naturally cluster together. But over time, these groups can morph into something more exclusionary, shutting out new voices and potentially stifling the growth of both the individuals involved and the community as a whole.
It's crucial to recognize the warning signs early — the inside jokes, the unspoken rules of inclusion or exclusion, the discomfort new members might feel — and address them before they become an entrenched part of your congregational culture.
Bridging the Divide
We often hear that the Church is a place for everyone, but this ideal hasn’t always translated into a reality. Cliques can unknowingly form within the church, creating a barrier for those who may find it hard to fit in. It's great to get close with people, but it's not helpful to close others off in the process. Here are five radical perspectives to break down these walls:
1. Proximity and Discomfort
During Sunday gatherings, make a conscious effort to avoid going up to the same people to talk and visit with. We all have our comfortable people that we like to hug, high-five, or share a story with. Often we will pass by, or casually say hi to four of five people as we make a bee-line to the person or persons we want to connect with. We may not even know the people's names we've been passing by for years because we've seen them as just background characters.
Moreover, you might have a favorite spot in the lobby or a preferred section to sit in at church. Try exploring different locations to mingle and varying seats to expand your network with individuals you haven't engaged with yet. By distancing yourself from familiar faces and altering your place in church, you open up opportunities for new connections. While it may feel unfamiliar initially, growth seldom arises from comfort.
2. The Power of Language
The words we use can have a profound impact on our inclusivity. Instead of referring to certain groups as "our group" or "our circle," try using terms like "community," "family" or "team." This small change in language shifts the perspective from an exclusive group to a more inclusive one.
Also, be mindful of using inside jokes, references, or bringing up stories that may exclude others from understanding and feeling included. We all love to rehash a conversation, trip we took together, or experience that impacted us; but for those who weren't able to make it or weren't around yet, it can make them feel excluded or like they have missed out. Instead, try to find common ground and make an effort to include others in the conversation by asking about their lives, and suggesting future activities you could do together.
3. Invitations for Everyone
When planning events or social gatherings, be intentional about inviting a diverse group of people. This could mean inviting someone you haven't had a chance to get to know yet or reaching out to individuals outside of your usual circle. By broadening our social circles, we create opportunities for new connections and strengthen the unity within the church.
We often think about who would like to come to our event rather than simply inviting someone. While it may make sense to invite a mountain biker to a mountain biking event, it's just as important to let people venture out into something they wouldn't do themselves by extending an invite. Sometimes, people will show up or become interested in something new just to connect with someone they'd like to get to know.
4. Check Your Biases
We all have unconscious biases that may influence who we gravitate towards or feel comfortable with. Take the time to reflect on your own biases and actively challenge them. Make an effort to engage with people from different backgrounds, ages, and cultures. You may be surprised at the meaningful connections you can make when you step outside of your comfort zone.
To counteract cliques, it's important to avoid sticking only with those who resemble you in appearance, behavior, and speech. This could involve engaging with individuals from diverse life stages, political beliefs, or interests. By expanding our horizons and embracing individuals with varied backgrounds and perspectives, we cultivate a more inclusive and welcoming environment for everyone.
5. Lead by Example
As leaders and role models, it's crucial to model inclusivity in our actions and behaviors. By intentionally reaching out to new members or making an effort to engage with individuals who may feel excluded, we set a positive example for others to follow. It's not enough to just talk about inclusivity, we must actively demonstrate it in our everyday interactions and relationships. This may mean that if we lead other volunteers or staff, to begin implementing these changes with them first. You can make a small dent in church cliques by yourself, but you can make a larger difference if you have a whole team of people using these techniques.
Remember that church cliques don't always form out of malice or intentional exclusion. Often, they arise from unconscious actions and behaviors that we may not even realize we are doing. By leading others to be more inclusive and intentional about how they include others, we also may be helping them to form new bonds they would have otherwise overlooked.
A Call to Communal Action
A church without cliques is a church that’s able to fully embody the spirit of inclusivity that it so often preaches. The benefits are numerous. Members are more likely to feel welcomed, valued, and understood, leading to a deeper sense of community and commitment. Diverse interactions lead to a broadening of perspectives and a more robust understanding of faith and life. When people break out of the echo chamber of their usual relationships, they grow as Christ followers.
In the end, destroying cliques within the church is another way of living out the gospel message. It’s about turning our inwards-focused groups outward, to reach those who are just as much in need of love and acceptance but have yet to find a way through the huddled masses to the heart of the community.
No single directive will vanquish church cliques, but through concerted effort and intentional practices, together you can foster a more inclusive, dynamic, and unified church body. Consider sharing this article within your church to spark a conversation about the roles that cliques play in your community and how they might be disrupted. Engage in open dialogue and, most importantly, dare to act upon the solutions that might make you, as a church, all the more united. If nothing else, remember that everyone (including you) was once new and unconnected at your church. You didn't connect with others on your own. You were welcomed in, and invited even when they didn't know you very well. Go and do likewise for someone else!
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes
Kile Baker is a former Atheist who didn’t plan on becoming a Christian, let alone a Pastor, who now writes to try and make Christianity simple. Kile recently wrote a study guide to help people “look forward to and long for Heaven.” You can get one on Amazon here. He also writes at www.paperbacktheologian.com. Kile is the grateful husband to the incredibly talented Rachel, Dad to the energetic London and feisty Emma and Co-Lead Pastor at LifePoint Church in Northern Nevada. He single handedly keeps local coffee shops in business.
