In life, we are called to continually cast our bread. We are to do what we feel God is calling us to do, and trust in that.
When I was in college, I knew quickly that I desired to write full-time. Though those around me were skeptical, I felt an inner calling I couldn't shake. Something deep within my bones; stories begging to be told; testimonies urging to be spoken.
Professor after professor would ask me what I was majoring in. I'd say, "English Education for high school," and they'd usually nod, leaving me with, "That's great, but I can tell the Lord has certainly given you a gift for writing!"
Like any good college student, I went to my favorite professor for a good heart-to-heart session. I shared my vision for becoming an author and how much I loved writing. He was encouraging but told me to stick with education and try it out.
This professor applauded me for my writing time and time again, but he also made me better. His critiques, edits, and revisions always improved the craft I was trying to hone. However, five years later, I can say that "I gave teaching a shot," but I still desire to write full-time.
To this day, my professor's words still ring in my ears: "One word of caution: Few writers make a living as 'full-time authors,' especially when they are young. So don’t overwhelm yourself with debt. That said, the Lord provides and can open serendipitous doors. Cast your bread upon the waters."
When You Cast Your Bread and Fail
I'm not sure how many people know this, but in the summer of 2021, I pitched a book at She Speaks and failed miserably. Not only did I fail, but I was late to the call due to a miscommunication. It was at that moment I realized two things about myself: my busyness was out of control, and I was utterly ridden with anxiety.
I'd worked over a year preparing for this moment and choked. The agent essentially told me unless I was famous, my story didn't matter because it wasn't unique or different from anyone else. Trying to publish a memoir as a regular human being simply wouldn't work.
I was taken aback. I had poured my heart and soul into this piece. How dare they say it didn't matter and wasn't unique. It was unique to me. The story I lived was real. A testimony of God's grace. Surely it mattered.
Looking back now, I know it mattered. It was and still is a good story that may someday deserve to be told. But at the time, it wasn't ready. I wasn't ready. God had something greater in store.
About a month after receiving this rejection, I stumbled upon something called the Author Conservatory. A three-year college alternative to help young adults write full-time.
I already went to college, I thought.
I'm too old, my thoughts shouted at me.
You don't have what it takes, my failures reminded me.
But with much prayer and consideration, I can say that finding and joining the Author Conservatory in 2021 changed my life. It's given me a clear path to make this dream a reality, and Lord willing, transitioning to writing full-time will take place in the summer of 2024. My "failure" earlier that year wasn't "failure," it was God's redirection and orientation in my life. And this? This is my pursuit of that redirection.
What Does It Mean to "Cast Your Bread"?
Choosing to join the Author Conservatory as a first-year pilot student meant casting my bread upon the waters again. But what does the Bible mean by that phrase?
In life, we are called to continually cast our bread. We are to do what we feel God is calling us to do, and trust in that. But that also means that while we're in one place waiting for the next, we will do two things:
1. Be faithful to where we're at now.
2. Actively pursue where we feel we're called to go.
It means accepting that I could fail, but I could also succeed. It also meant I and 10 other students would be pioneers for the new non-fiction track. Three years later, I believe we're still paving the way.
In Ecclesiastes 11:1-6, the King James Version pens: "Cast thy bread upon the waters: [for] thou shalt find it after many days" (v. 1). Scripture then continues by noting that we should give generously while there's time because we don't know what will happen in the coming days.
"Give a portion to seven, and also to eight; for thou knowest not what evil shall be upon the earth. If the clouds be full of rain, they empty themselves upon the earth: and if the tree fall toward the south, or toward the north, in the place where the tree falleth, there it shall be" (v. 2-3).
In life, we are called to continually cast our bread. We are to do what we feel God is calling us to do, and trust in that. But that also means that while we're in one place waiting for the next, we will do two things:
1. Be faithful to where we're at now.
2. Actively pursue where we feel we're called to go.
Just as King Solomon wrote that merely observing the wind and clouds (daydreaming without taking action) would not bear fruit, neither will the dreams and ambitions placed in our hearts if we never take action, if we never take leaps of faith or fully trust God to take us to where we've been called.
Pursuing the Author Conservatory was a small leap. Continually pitching books and articles in that program was a bit bigger. Switching to pursue full-time authorship instead of teaching feels like I'm crossing an ocean. But "He that observeth the wind shall not sow; and he that regardeth the clouds shall not reap" (v. 4).
There are many things in life we won't fully understand (like how God's Spirit works through us or how a child is conceived in the womb). "As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all" (v. 5). I believe I won't understand how God brings me to write full-time until I'm doing just that.
Yet, I will pursue this calling. Because it's more than a dream. It's what I feel deep in my bones I'm called to do. And when we sow that seed, day after day, article after article, job application after job application, book pitch after book pitch, God is preparing us for the greatest harvest. In His due time. According to His plan. As He sees fit.
We won't understand it. We often won't see it coming. It won't turn out like we planned. But His plans are good. His plans are for us not against us. His plans will be fulfilled. For "In the morning sow thy seed, and in the evening withhold not thine hand: for thou knowest not whether shall prosper, either this or that, or whether they both shall be alike good" (v. 6).
Only God knows my future. If I'll lose or fail.
It's scary, uncertain, and certainly unpredictable. So was the cross. So was being born in a manger. So was defying expectations and turning cultures on their heads. But Jesus knew what was before Him. What was beyond the cross. Why He had to be born as a humble King. Why He was called to live differently.
I'm choosing to do the same.
To finish what He's called me to where I'm at while pursuing what's next.
I'm willing to cast my bread, friends.
Will you join me?
Agape, Amber
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