Friends, even if you're questioning and feel chaotic today, know that you're in the perfect position to not only spread the gospel in your trouble but allow God to blow the socks off those feelings of doubt and questioning.
During my second year of teaching, I was offset by a week of spring break. Never taking a week off school as a student or teacher, I felt out of place and odd to the say the least. Filling my schedule to the brim this week before Easter was hectic.
In busyness, stress, and anxiety, the Lord felt far. By Easter Sunday, my inability to possess a stable mentality was as fragile as Mary weeping at the foot of the bloody cross. I find it no coincidence that as I played Mary in our church drama of the crucifixion, the heart I had to portray was an accurate depiction of how I felt at that moment.
Tears flowing, hands shaking, and mind racing, I began to overthink my relationship with the Lord. Mistaking His silence for chaos rather than rest, I wept in a sea of confusion. Journaling, praying, and asking God for a sign, I grasped at anything I could to know that on this day, Jesus was not only alive in the world, but in my heart.
Making my way to my boyfriend's parent's house for lunch, we sat in silence after church, unusual behavior for two talkative souls. It was clear that the mute feelings I felt overtook my boyfriend's stature as well. In this debilitating form of overthinking, I swallowed and pushed my plate away. Looking him gently in the eyes, I knew we were struggling, but trusted God to provide.
Gently extending my hand and fitting it into his, I smiled and said a prayer to myself. "I don't know what you're doing, Lord, but if you're still here, give me a sign. Show me your heart. Reassure my doubts.”
God at Work in the Silence
While I don't believe in "testing" the Lord, I do believe that He heard (and always hears for that fact) me that day. Glancing from my boyfriend back to the table, I noticed a cardboard box edging out from the frame of an oak chest piece in front of me. Written on the side of the empty box, I read over its lines:
"You know the saying, 'Four months between planting and harvest.' But I say wake up and look around. The fields are already ripe for harvest.” (John 4:35, NLT)
My comprehension felt fuzzy as I read the verses a few times. Later that night, my boyfriend and I decided to have some Bible time. Nearing the end, I knew God was speaking as I stumbled upon John 4:35.
"Where have I seen this?" my mind scrambled. "No way," I thought. Reading that same verse on a random box earlier in the day, I was startled as my memory caught up with me. Not only had I read John 4 that morning and on that box and forgotten, but my reading plans were into June, not April. Also, my boyfriend's mom had just recently pulled that empty box from her closet that she had for months; the reasoning was unknown; she simply did. The Lord was speaking.
Eyes watering and tears streaming down my face, I felt the Lord say, "I am here. I have saved you, Amber. Don't overthink it. Your salvation is that simple." A chill shook me as I began to realize the beauty of this spiritual harvest I'd (I've) been given. The Lord was delivering, and as I've said before, He always is, but we're not always listening, aware, or receptive to receive the blessing.
Reaping a Spiritual Harvest
In John 4:33-34, Jesus discussed with His Disciples that He's to do the will of His Father, and that's His food. Attempting to persuade Him to take a break and eat a physical source of nourishment, He insists that His diet is something they know nothing about.
While Jesus is the King of Last Suppers, with tangible and physical bread and wine (juice), He's also the Savior's sacrifice of body and blood given for us. And why? Because at the time of His death, just the right time, He said the time to save these sinful people is now. The time to use those already devoted to rescuing more people is immediate. The fields of these people are ripe and ready for the harvest of time. Today, we need to be prepared as well. But while we wait, let us work to seek and save others.
Even though I question my salvation at times and face periods where I can't feel God, those are still opportunities to share and spread the gospel, and it's okay to have those days. As Steven Furtick writes, "If God feels distant to you right now, you're not alone. All of us, no matter how mature in our faith have moments when we think, 'God, I wish you would give me a sign right now. I feel uneasy. I don't feel at rest.' These feelings are not sinful. They're completely human and normal. And I've learned that a lot of times God uses distance in our feelings to call us deeper in our faith."
Friends, even if you're questioning and feel chaotic today, know that you're in the perfect position to not only spread the gospel in your trouble but allow God to blow the socks off those feelings of doubt and questioning.
At the end of all days, I want to know that I did everything I could to share Jesus with someone who needs it. In those days, some will receive wages (He who reaps), gather fruit for eternal life, and rejoice together. Let us be like the disciples, not only reaping a harvest now but even reaping from seeds we didn't sow (1 Corinthians 3:6-8).
Look around; the world is getting ready for harvest, and it's time we prepare others for that reaping. I want them to be prepared to go when it's time and be confident of that. To those who are ready, spread the Good News and make sure your brothers and sisters in need are ready. Both in and out of season, be prepared (2 Timothy 4:2).
Spurgeon once said it best: "Expect a present blessing; believe that you will have it, go to work to get it, and do not be satisfied unless you have it." I'm expecting the Lord to move and work in significant ways through me, and I know He'll do the same in you as well. I'm praying for a revival of pure spiritual harvest and going deeper with the Lord, and I hope you'll join me in doing the same.
Agape, Amber
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/Mikhail Azarov
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