Once He cuts through my ineffective attempts to manage my shame, I’m better able to receive His grace, which He lavishes upon me. In His presence, with my soul now cleansed and unveiled before Him, I receive healing for the wounds driving my dysfunction.
Does your love rejoice in truth, or do you delight in evil?
That question serves as a mirror for my soul, and I don’t particularly like the reflection. The more I understand the depth of God’s love, the more I realize how short I fall of His perfect standards. I long to more consistently display the characteristics of my Father’s heart. This necessitates deep, transformative work within mine. A healthy, Spirit-filled soul naturally celebrates and adds beauty to the world. I can’t do that while taking pleasure in things that displease the Lord.
Ungodly Interactions
While I’ve never cheered on an abuser, applauded injustice, or exalted murderous tyrants, I have participated in, and even initiated, conversations that grieve God. I’ve broadcasted other people’s faults, mistakes, and difficulties and received a degree of pleasure in listening to others do the same. In my immature teenage days, I might’ve downplayed or excused my gossiping tendencies as something everyone did. I now recognize the destructiveness of this sin—to my relationships and my soul.
The words I speak both reveal and infect my heart. To put it simply, I’m done training my brain to run on negativity. I want it fueled by the joy that comes from remaining connected to the Lord and led by His Spirit.
The Route to Lasting Change
I suspect we all want to love our people well and more consistently display the character of Christ. We might even invest a great deal of energy trying to replace poor behavioral patterns with those that are life-giving only to end up fatigued and discouraged.
For decades, this typified my faith journey.
One afternoon, I found an old journal and thumbed through the pages. Each entry read much the same—filled with regret for my mistakes the previous day and declarations on how I’d do better the next. The problem was my focus. While I grasped God’s grace regarding my salvation, I didn’t understand how to rely upon it for my transformation. I hadn’t learned to seek the Lord’s perspective and power when it came to my growth.
I’ve since discovered the value of repeating a prayer recorded in Psalm 139:23-24. Written by ancient Israel’s second king, this reads,
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
I find this invitation intriguing when I consider how the psalmist began the chapter. In verse 1, he wrote, of God,
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
He spent the next 15 verses explaining all the ways this was true. Therefore, his request that God examine his heart wasn’t for the Lord’s benefit, but for his. It’s like he was saying, “Father, show me the diseased areas within me that trip me up and keep me from remaining on your hope-filled path. And help me, teach and guide me, to get back on course.”
The more I make this prayer my regular practice, the more soul-changing truth God reveals. Usually, if not always, He addresses the why—the root of my actions—before the what—my behavior. Most often, when I veer from His will, I’m attempting to meet a need in a harmful way or operating from an unhealed wound. I’ve felt tempted to gossip to gain a sense of belonging, experience vindication, or soothe hidden shame.
While these toxic coping methods momentarily placate my broken soul, they ultimately enslave me by training my brain toward negativity. Unaddressed, this infects every area of my existence, including my relationships. I must align my whole self with Christ to experience all He has for me. This means yielding to Him as He tenderly, but persistently, removes those things that keep me from thriving in life (John 10:10).
The Wrong Road to Acceptance
Most of us probably understand the pull to fit in with a particular group. We’re storytellers by nature with a natural bent to seek commonalities. We also like to feel part of an “insider” circle. Social scientists tell us these desires are some of the most common reasons people gossip.
God created us with a need to belong, and He has promised to meet all our needs (Philippians 4:19). Recognizing this gives us strength to walk away from toxic groups or situations and to prayerfully seek out healthier environments. We can also receive comfort knowing that Christ always welcomes us close and fills our souls. The more He does so, the less apt we are to form unhealthy bonds.
A Faulty Route to Vindication
Years ago, a former friend hurt me deeply. During my morning prayer time, I worked toward forgiveness but then worked against this by feeding my bitterness through conversations. Learning this person had treated others in a similar manner resulted in poisonous commiseration that intensified my hostility and resentment. Hearing about my offender’s faults, and other people’s anger toward her, baited my desire for revenge. The condemning Pharisee within me not only felt she deserved the chaos she created but also wanted others to know how she’d harmed me.
But then God reminded me of times when I’d acted in a similar fashion. It’s interesting to me how, when I’ve treated others poorly, I easily justify or excuse my behavior. I was tired, or stressed, felt attacked, or temporarily lost self-control. Shame and regret often follow, along with a deep desire for mercy.
God always responds with overwhelming, all-consuming grace. Reflecting upon all the times I’ve needed and received Christ’s forgiveness gives me clarity for my wounds. I’m better able to feel my emotions, with Jesus, entrusting Him to deal with my offender as He knows best. According to Scripture, He is my defender and avenger. One day, He will right every wrong.
He is also our Prince of Peace and Minister of Reconciliation who rebuilds what’s broken, people and relationships included.
Grading Myself by the Curve
I have a toxic trait of comparing myself with others. I don’t only do this in regard to gifts, opportunities, and successes. I also try to feel better about my mistakes by noting similar, if not worse, faults in others. This is especially true in regard to areas in which I feel most insecure.
For example, years ago, when my husband and I experienced marital difficulties, I felt increasingly drawn to celebrity gossip detailing failed relationships. I justified this by telling myself that, as public figures, they’d opened their lives to scrutiny. While true, God also reminded me that they are His cherished creations and people who long to experience His unconditional, pursuing love.
Once He cuts through my ineffective attempts to manage my shame, I’m better able to receive His grace, which He lavishes upon me. In His presence, with my soul now cleansed and unveiled before Him, I receive healing for the wounds driving my dysfunction. This, in turn, increases my experience of a thriving, abundant life.
Breaking the Destructive Pull
As I pursue Christ-led growth, I’ve become more alert to the forces working against me. If you’re familiar with Scripture, you might know that we have a spiritual enemy bent on our destruction. The devil wants to damage our relationships, infect our hearts, and hinder our ability to give and receive God’s love. Whenever I broadcast someone else’s problems for personal gratification, I contribute to his schemes and actively oppose God’s mission. Therefore, I should expect Satan to tempt, trick, and manipulate me into participating in toxic conversations.
But that’s not the only force working against me. Researchers have discovered powerful physiological reasons we’re prone to gossip. First, it soothes us. Studies show that when we hear about someone else’s errors or hardships, our pulse increases. This seems to indicate such news triggers anxiety. Our heart rate decreases when we talk about what we learned. Second, scientists have discovered the “reward-centers” in our brain, which contribute to addiction, respond not just to positive input, but negative, as well.
We actively, or passively, train our brains toward good or evil, deception or truth, hate or love with every action and word we speak. By God’s grace and through His power, I want my mind focused on Him and His ways. One simple, albeit challenging, way I can do this is by cooperating with Him as He transforms my tendency to gossip, also known as delighting in evil, into a healthy habit of Christ-honoring praise—for all He’s done, and the people He created. That’s what it means to rejoice in truth.
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Jennifer Slattery is a writer and speaker who co-hosts the Faith Over Fear podcast and, along with a team of 6, the Your Daily Bible Verse podcast. She’s addressed women’s groups, Bible studies, and taught at writers conferences across the nation. She’s the author of Building a Family and numerous other titles and maintains a devotional blog at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLou
She’s passionate about helping people experience Christ’s freedom in all areas of their lives. Visit her online to learn more about her speaking or to book her for your next women’s event, and sign up for her free quarterly newsletter HERE and make sure to connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and GodTube.
