"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." (1 Corinthians 13:4-5, NIV, emphasis added)
Do you remember the first time you did something wrong? The first time you lied, stole what wasn't yours, thought impure thoughts, or had ill motives? Maybe you were a child, or maybe you knew better, but the penalty for your actions was the same: You'd sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).
According to the Scriptures, without Jesus' death and resurrection, our punishment should've been death and eternal separation from God: "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23, NLT). It sounds harsh, but sin created a divide between us and our Maker from the beginning of time. And that's why only Jesus could pay the debt we owed.
Romans 5:8-10 of the Amplified Version says it this way: "But God clearly shows and proves His own love for us, by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Therefore, since we have now been justified [declared free of the guilt of sin] by His blood, [how much more certain is it that] we will be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, it is much more certain, having been reconciled, that we will be saved [from the consequences of sin] by His life [that is, we will be saved because Christ lives today]" (Romans 5:8-10, Amplified Version). Why is this crucial to our faith and the love we possess as Christians?
In 1 Corinthians 13, love is defined as a fruit of the Spirit that God grows in us. This love isn't just patient and kind, but it's radical. If we maintain it accurately and biblically, it can transform our relationship with God and one another. One of its most profound qualities is that it keeps no record of wrong.
At the beginning of this article, I asked if you remembered the first time you did something wrong. For most of you, I suspect that isn't a quick and easy memory to recall. As human beings, we do things wrong all the time, both intentionally and unintentionally. There are sins from childhood I no longer remember due to age. There are sins from adulthood I no longer remember due to choice. Can you relate?
Sometimes, even after we've confessed, repented, and asked God for forgiveness of our sins, it's hard not to keep a record of wrongs for ourselves. Most people talk about not keeping a record of wrongs for those who've sinned against us, but what about when we've sinned against ourselves?
In the traditional sense, keeping no record of wrong means forgiving others as Christ has forgiven you. Choosing to forgive doesn't mean that what they did was right. Forgiveness is not a validation or affirmation of sinful behavior. Forgiveness is a bold action of faith; it's a powerful release of love in action.
In The Forge, written and directed by the Kendrick Brothers, 19-year-old Isaiah Wright struggles to forgive his father. Hurt by empty promises and abandonment, Isaiah struggles to grasp how his heavenly Father could be any different. When a highly successful businessman decides to mentor Isaiah, we see this principle of forgiveness and love put into action.
Unaware of the magnitude of his emotion, Isaiah learns that holding onto bitterness and unforgiveness only robs him of life and freedom. While he's initially skeptical and angry, he chooses to keep no record of wrong. Not only does he learn to forgive his earthly father and receive the eternal love of his heavenly Father, but he learns what it means to serve a God who forgives us in the same way. If God has forgiven us so much, who are we to refuse to forgive ourselves and others?
In Matthew 18, Peter asks how many times we should forgive someone who sins against us. Jesus answers seventy times seven times. While some scholars debate if Jesus said seventy times seven or seventy-seven times, the principle is the same: We're to forgive others as many times as necessary. Matthew 6:14-15 also pens these words: "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins" (NLT).
If you're struggling to forgive or keep no record of wrongs, I want to encourage you with two things:
1. Forgiveness is hard, but
2. Jesus forgave us.
It sounds simplistic, but remembering that forgiveness is a challenge but Jesus forgave us regardless helps put things into perspective.
I know what you might be thinking: "Amber, you don't know my story. You don't know what they did and how they hurt me. I could never forgive them for what they did to me. The abuse they caused. The pain that will never leave me." To that, I would say this: You are right. I don't know your story. And I'm so sorry for whatever pain you've had to endure this side of heaven. We live in a fallen world and bad things happen to good people. But choosing to forgive doesn't mean what they did was right. It means that we're choosing to trust that God will seek justice and deliver the righteous (Romans 12:17, Romans 12:19). Holding onto unforgiveness is and always will be like drinking poison while expecting the other person to die.
The second thing I would gently remind you to remember when it comes to forgiveness is that forgiveness doesn't make you a doormat. Forgiveness does not give others permission to walk on you, abuse you, and mistreat you. Forgiveness also doesn't mean you forget what you've experienced.
There's a misconception in Christian circles to "Forgive and forget." And with "keep no record of wrongs," I can understand why. But we can keep no record of wrongs in the right way. We can keep no record of wrongs while still demanding respect from those who mistreat us. Keeping no record of wrongs means not dwelling on the past, holding onto grudges, or using past offenses to hurt others.
In my 28 years on this earth, I've had my fair share of sin and forgiveness. I've known what it's like to be the offender and the offended. I've known what it's like to be hurt badly by those I love and wrestle to understand their actions. I've also known what it's like to seek that forgiveness when I knew I didn't deserve it. Here's what I've learned: Every day, I must ask myself, does my love keep no record of wrongs? With myself, my spouse, my pets, my neighbor, my co-workers, etc. Does my love represent Jesus and the sacrifice He gave for me on the cross?
If it doesn't, then I know my heart and mind need to be in check with my Creator. I must ask Him to help me forgive, even when it's hard because I know how much He forgave me. If it does, then I praise Him for that gift and ask Him to reveal His love through me. Because without His love, our ability to keep no record of wrongs will cease to exist.
So I must ask you: Does your love keep no record of wrongs? How can you strive to forgive yourself and others this week? What's one way you can pray for those who have hurt you? How can you redefine what it means to love and forgive?
Agape, Amber
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