God’s grace doesn’t require my strength or healthy mind. He doesn’t wait until I have my life together. No, His grace meets me where I am because of Christ. As the acronym says, it is His riches that are poured out, it is His character we hold on to. His grace gives us joy and provides comfort, peace, and strength.
My heart was racing, and I was struggling to catch my breath. I just woke up, and my feet hadn't even hit the floor. I was in a panic from simply opening my eyes. A day that begins that way scares me the most. I open my eyes without reason, and panic overwhelms my entire body. It's a reality I live with every day. My body responds to thoughts, conversations with friends, news stories, Instagram reels, a look someone gave me, or a panic-filled week.
Living with Anxiety
This being my reality, I have been told to pray more, or my personal favorite - "Your faith is just weak." Neither can fix me. I am in the Word daily as a Seminary student and Bible study teacher. Not perfect by any stretch, but I know the Scriptures. But even the most seasoned believers need grace when their mind feels broken.
There is an acronym I have often heard to describe the word "grace" - God's Riches At Christ's Expense. How beautiful is this reminder of what we have in Christ? It's the same reminder Paul used in all his letters as he greeted the different Churches he helped establish. He offered a blessing of grace and peace in Christ Jesus. We sing hymns of this grace. It is marvelous, amazing, and matchless. It is greater than all sin. His grace has been far more than I have deserved through salvation and particularly in the last three years, as he has pulled me out of a different darkness.
Anxiety is a darkness that can be hard to explain. There are different types of anxiety. It's a word we hear a lot. People say they're anxious when they are nervous or worried about a situation that will quickly pass. There is another type of anxiety that cripples your life in every way and robs you of even feeling your mind is safe. Anxiety is a product of living in a fallen world and owning a fallen mind.
Saving Grace
This reality has never been truer for me than at the end of 2019. I was in the worst place, mentally, I have ever been. My anxiety and depression had taken full control of my life. I honestly don't know how I got to that place. Anxiety can sneak up on you even when you feel you are doing well. My guard was down, and I didn't see it coming. I spent time in counseling and caring for myself, pondering a hopeful word to cling to for 2020. Each year I choose a word and pray over it. Usually, it's a word that defines where I want to go or what I think I need in the new year. The word I chose for 2020 was: joy. I was hopeful that 2020 would hold more joy than I could imagine.
In my mind, my joy was defined by the emotional temperature of my life and the attitude of the people around me. But as the year went on, God began to redefine my definition of joy, replacing it with His. 2020 didn't bring much in the way of emotional joy for anyone. Amid a global pandemic, we made things work the best we could. We found ways to cope with the circumstances we did not want to accept as our reality. We prayed hard. We wore masks like it was our job. Yet, it still felt like life was falling apart. I wondered where God's promised joy could be found at that time. I knew joy was supposed to be my word. But I wondered when it was going to show up.
The dead heat of August set it, and I began to see how wrong I was about what joy is. It had nothing to do with my emotions at all. It took a pandemic, months of counseling, protests, quarantine, scary health issues, a root canal and pulled tooth, and closing down a ministry to see my circumstances would never be conducive to joy. At least, not the kind of joy I really needed. The joy of emotion and circumstances is not the kind of joy that sustains. Evidence of God's grace shows up in joy, which permeates all emotions and circumstances.
Joy Redefined
God's grace opens our eyes to the things we need at the exact moment we need them. It's the joy of knowing our Heavenly Father who sustains everyone and all things. It's the joy produced by His spirit in us. The apostle James said it best,
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4
This same joy keeps my eyes on His grace rather than on the struggles in front of me. These "trials" test our faith. Trials reveal how much or little we really know about God. Is His grace as sufficient as Paul says to meet us in the middle of our weaknesses? As it is strengthened, faith in God produces steadfastness, a clinging to the One we know. Knowing God changes everything, whether anxiety or attitude, grief or goodness, sickness or sanity. I may be an anxious girl, but I have an almighty God. We can rest in Him, we can rest in the work of the cross, and we can rest in our gracious Father. Grace isn't just what pulls us from the place of sin. It yanks us out of darkness and remains with us even when our circumstances remain unchanged.
Future Hope
Three years later, I have learned to keep my eyes on His grace, and that difference in focus brings me joy. I still struggle with anxiety some days, as if nothing has changed. There are days I am overcome to the degree where I cannot get out of bed, but God is with me, and His grace meets me in my weakest moments. I am not alone. His grace has changed my life. My anxiety doesn't call the shots. Christ, alone, holds me captive. He is steadfast when I cannot be. Paul was correct when he said:
“in our weakness that is where he is strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
God's grace doesn't require my strength or healthy mind. He doesn't wait until I have my life together. No, His grace meets me where I am because of Christ. As the acronym says, it is His riches that are poured out. It is His character we hold on to. His grace gives us joy and provides comfort, peace, and strength.
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/fizkes
Michelle Rabon is helping women be disciples who make disciples. Michelle has her MDiv in Ministry to Women from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and is currently serving as Women’s Ministry Director in her local church. She is also the author of Holy Mess. When she is not writing or teaching, she enjoys reading, being close to the ocean, and drinking a lot of coffee. You can connect with Michelle at www.michellerabon.com
