"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31
He was not the kind of person to not answer the phone, especially for me. Even on a random Wednesday morning. I tried several times, and no answer came.
Maybe, deep in my heart, I knew something was wrong, but the crying baby in the background kept me from dwelling too long in the unknowns.
Hours passed without answer and my concern deepened. There was something not right and I was too many states away to just head over and check things out. I was at the mercy of others who were closer to find out if everything was ok.
I felt as though I was suffocating while waiting for answers to come.
The call I dreaded finally came early in the afternoon while my three-month-old napped soundly in her crib. They found my dad on the floor of the bathroom unresponsive. The concern was for a possible stroke or heart attack.
The gnawing feeling in my heart had been right. It was just as bad as I imagined.
Many hours later we would find out that neither was the culprit but a large brain aneurysm, and things were not looking good. The instructions were to get there as fast as possible.
I was twenty-one at the time. I was newly married and just welcomed our first child three months earlier. This was not supposed to be happening.
I pleaded with God not to take my dad. Begged, pleaded, hoped.
By 10:00 pm that evening while flying on the airplane trying to get to him, my dad died.
I know you're reading this and thinking, this is depressing. But you likely didn’t start reading this article because things in your world are going great. You pulled it up because your heart is grieving. You are looking for hope in the shadows.
I have walked through a lot of grief in my life. By the age of thirty-six I have lost all of my grandparents, my dad, my step-brother, my mother in-law, my step-dad, and way too many friends to even count on a page.
Grief and I are old acquaintances. I am familiar with the waves of sorrow but also the peace God gives to us in the midst of the hardest days.
I was so young when my dad passed away. As daddy's little girl, I could not even begin to fathom what life would be like without him. We talked on the phone daily; he was my best friend. To say that the hurt was great when I lost my dad was an understatement. Even 15 years later, the trauma of his passing still lingers in the air.
I had not been walking with Christ that long, two or three years at the most when he passed away. There was still so much that I did not know of God or understand about who He was and what He was doing in my life.
The truth is that God doesn't abandon ship when we are at our worst, or when the devastation comes. No, He is holding us up when we feel like we can barely breathe.
I thought of a hymn as I began writing this article, "His Eye is on the Sparrow." This hymn is taken from Matthew 10:29-31: "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."
There is a lot we can learn about God from these few verses:
God is sovereignly in control of all things. There is nothing that takes Him by surprise. He knows everything, He understands, and He is actively working. “And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.” The sparrows were held fast in the hands of God, resting in His perfect plan for their lives, and so are we.
Even the smallest of His creation is cared for. He is not a divine creator that has abandoned creation. There is nothing that escapes His hand. In Scripture, the sparrow is representative of God's care for even the smallest of creatures on earth. If He does it for the sparrows will He not also do so for us?
We do not have to fear because God is intimately close to us. We are his creation and He will meet every need. “But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows" (Luke 12:7). There is no way we could accurately count the numbers on our head, but God knows. The Scripture reminds us that God knows us in such an intimate way and He cares for us as a loving Father. Therefore, we do not have to fear or worry when trouble and sorrows come because He will care for us.
While grieving, it can be easy to fall into a place where we feel God has abandoned us or doesn't see how great our pain is. We can even begin to believe that God is cruel or mean for allowing us to experience the death of someone we love.
The truth, however, is that none of that is true about God. It can be hard to reconcile, but the truth remains, even in our pain, that God is good. The psalmists remind us many times that His "loving kindness" never fails and it endures forever.
God is present. Just like in the lives of the sparrows, He cares for even the smallest of details, and the smallest of struggles. Just like in the days of grieving I have had, including the days after my dad passed, I never felt abandoned. I knew God would see me through. I knew that He would carry me, and that He was intimately close in my sorrows.
Photo Credit: © Unsplash/Timothy Meinberg
Michelle Rabon is helping women be disciples who make disciples. Michelle has her MDiv in Ministry to Women from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and is currently serving as Women’s Ministry Director in her local church. She is also the author of Holy Mess. When she is not writing or teaching, she enjoys reading, being close to the ocean, and drinking a lot of coffee. You can connect with Michelle at www.michellerabon.com