If you find yourself snarking at the people closest to you, chances are there's a much deeper issue behind the petty argument.
As an empty nester, I've adjusted to not having my kids home throughout the day. At first, it was difficult not having anyone needing my attention. But now, I enjoy not having as many dishes in the sink, clothes in the washer, or requests for special dinner items. While I miss my children and enjoy having them home, the empty nest has become a welcomed part of life.
Right before Christmas, they all came home. Soon, I waded through piles of laundry in the laundry room, a sink piled with dishes, empty food containers, and crumbs on the counter. My attitude of contentment and peace quickly ramped up to becoming easily irritated. I found myself snapping at my kids when they would come home. I had a litany of requests for them to keep the house clean and organized. In just a matter of a week, I went from wanting them home to wishing I saw their taillights at the end of my driveway.
My attitude changed quickly, and I found that I was not loving my kids how they needed to be loved. Instead of bearing with them in love, I became easily irritated and angry at every little situation. I chose to sweat the small stuff and, in turn, was straining my relationship with my kids. Although they needed to take some responsibility for their disregard for keeping the house tidy, I could have chosen to overlook many of the small things and bear with them because I knew they wouldn't be home for an extended time. I could have chosen to enjoy my time with them rather than focus on the petty irritations ruining my joy.
Anger is an emotion just like any other emotion we may express. However, it can become sinful when I do something with it that I shouldn't. When I snapped at my kids, my anger became not just an emotion but rather an action by which I dictated my relationships. This caused me to have fights with my kids, causing them to withdraw and spend more time out with their friends rather than being home enjoying their family.
If your love is becoming easily angered, there are some ways to help.
Here are three ways to allow your passion to become less angry and more joyful:
1. Process Your Emotions
Utilizing my self-awareness skills, I quickly realized that the piles of laundry and dirty dishes were not the problem. They were merely a surface issue underneath a much larger problem. The problem was that I felt disrespected and undervalued. I felt as if my kids treated me like some maid who would clean up after all their messes like I did when they were children. I needed to go to God with these feelings and allow God to fill me in the places where I was feeling undermined by my children. I also needed to have hard conversations with my children about their role as adults and their responsibility to clean up after themselves.
In the same way, go to God with your emotions. Allow God to meet you in these places where you feel unaccepted, unheard, or unseen. If you find yourself snarking at the people closest to you, chances are there's a much deeper issue behind the petty argument.
Another great way to process your emotions is to journal. Journaling allows a stream-of-consciousness type of writing where you release whatever is on your mind onto the paper. We often write whatever we're thinking because we don't filter those thoughts. It is interesting to go back and see what's happening in your mind. It is also a great way to take every thought captive, as Scripture tells us, and count how many times we have negative thoughts throughout the day. When we can change those negative thoughts into positive ones, we can choose to focus on joy and contentment rather than anger and irritation.
Journaling also helps us express our feelings. Anger often manifests as unprocessed sadness or discontentment with our situation. Journaling is a cathartic way to express our feelings and discover their root. When we are done, we can throw out the journal to symbolize no longer living in that line of thinking. Instead, we will change our thoughts to more positive ones and allow them to align with Scripture.
2. Change Your Perspective
Because of these deep-seated issues within my soul, I quickly changed my perspective from enjoying myself when my kids were home to focusing on the irritations that could easily be fixed. Because of this switch in perspective, I didn't love my kids as much as I should. I found myself getting into petty arguments with them, which caused me to dread having them home rather than enjoying the time I had with them.
What’s your perspective when it comes to your anger? Are you becoming angry with others because of petty irritations, or are you focusing on your time with them? Even if you have a strained relationship with your parents, realize that you only have a limited time with them. Tomorrow is not promised. Any one of us could be gone in an instant. We must enjoy our time with our loved ones before it's too late. Don't focus on the negative or petty idiosyncrasies of their personality. Instead, focus on the time you have and the memories you make. Those memories will be what sticks with you when they're gone.
3. Focus on the Good Times
When we become easily angered, it is easy to focus on the present rather than memories of the past that made us happy to be in that relationship. For example, instead of correcting their behavior as adults, I needed to focus on the happy memories I had when they were kids. While I was so glad to have them home for Christmas, it was vital for me to enjoy sitting and opening gifts with my children. There will come a day when that time will be gone, and they will be with their families.
One of my favorite memories with my kids growing up was Christmas morning. Watching them open presents from Santa and enjoy the magic of Christmas was such a joy. While that time is gone, it gives me pleasure to remember the good times in the past when they thought of Christmas as a magical, expectant time. My kids would burst into my bedroom and exclaim, "Santa came! Santa came!” Watching them bask in the wonder of what Santa Claus would bring them each year was a joy and made all the work bearable.
Now that they're grown, Christmas doesn't hold the same magic. But I can still relive those memories through old photos, videos, and other keepsakes. When I do this, I become less angry at my kids' failures and enjoy the innocence of when they were young.
When we are in a relationship with others, anger inevitably results. Conflict arises when people who don't see eye to eye or come to the relationship with unmet expectations project those expectations onto others. When we truly choose to love others, we will not allow anger to invade our lives. Instead, we will process our anger and replace those emotions with joy, contentment, and hope.
Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Keira Burton
