When my half-brother passed away from an overdose in the winter of 2023, I knew the grief would eventually come. He and I had never been especially close, but that was how our relationship worked. I’d tell him something non-essential or generic to my life, and he’d smile and nod as if he were listening. It was an unspoken agreement of sorts.
While I wanted to share more personal and relational aspects of my life with him, I knew it wasn’t safe. He had a history of substance use, abuse, and violence. Looking back on our relationship, I grieve what was and will never be.
The beautiful thing is that while I’m still mourning the loss of my brother and my friendship with him, there is always time while we’re here on earth to restore our relationship with our Creator. We don’t have to stay in distant and estranged places if we don’t want to be in them.
Here's why:
Normal relationships ebb and flow. They should deepen and grow over time not necessarily because of the passing of time, but the investment in the relationship and friendship. Let me give you a practical example:
When I first met my husband Ben, things felt a little awkward. We tried to dive into dating but failed miserably. It wasn’t until we backed up, got to know one another, and listened to each other that our partnership grew and flourished.
Nearly a year and a half into our marriage, our relationship is continuing to grow. It doesn’t look like it once did, but, in some ways, it’s leaps and bounds better.
Your relationship with Jesus should be very much the same way. And unlike the situation with my half-brother, it shouldn’t be shallow or surface level but deep and life-giving. The more we learn to love Christ, the more abundant our fellowship should grow.
The second thing that relationships in my life have taught me is that they require honest communication and excellent listening skills. It’s probably no surprise to anyone, but I’m horrible at listening. I could talk for days on end, but when it comes to pausing and resting in silence, waiting for God to talk to me, I get an F+.
All my life, I’ve struggled with silence and stillness. There is something about stopping the busyness of life that makes me uneasy. But it shouldn’t. If we spend all our time talking to God, shouldn’t we spend adequate time listening?
Here’s a practical example: One day, my husband got home from work late. I had so many things to talk to him about that I didn’t even pause to ask him about his day. I nearly tackled him at the door with words and didn’t stop until he said, “Amber, you’re water-hosing me with words.” Pardon the crude example, but he was right.
As much as God longs to hear from us, He desires His children to listen to what He has to say. Otherwise, all our talking does no good. Wisdom comes from the Lord and His Word (Proverbs 2:6). While we can obtain this wisdom through reading the Scriptures, praying, and talking to Him (Proverbs 9:10), I believe God has much more to say to us when we stop, pause, breath, and listen in the silence. We can’t expect God to speak if we’re always filling our ears with noise. Remember, He spoke to Elijah in the still whisper of a gentle wind (1 Kings 19:11-13).
Flashback to Ben's and my first Christmas together. I was ecstatic. Six months before the holiday, I’d decided this would be the best celebration ever. We’d get matching pajamas, watch Christmas movies every weekend, bake and decorate cookies for Santa the night before (Christmas Eve), and come up with a cute couple’s tradition. When ambition got the best of me, I felt deflated.
Before I knew it, it was Christmas and my dreams were crushed. Not only did we not do any of the things I’d listed, but Ben and I had failed to communicate with each other. He thought I’d be happy as is, while I wanted him to do XYZ for our first official Christmas together. Talk about a belly flop of failure.
The third thing that relationships in my life have taught me is that they require give and take. It requires us to give to God. Our time, talents, efforts, and, essentially, life. Remember Philippians 1:21: "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain" (NIV). But it also requires us to lay our lives down for the sake of others (John 15:13). We must be like Jesus and know that it’s more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35).
Likewise, our God is good, and He loves to give to His children (Matthew 7:11). We’re invited to partake and receive in this relationship with Him. Not because we deserve it, earned it, or proved our way, but because of His loving kindness. It's His grace, mercy, and salvation poured out for us (Romans 5:8).
Friends, we’re required to share this gift with the world. But how sweet is our reward? Christians, in our relationships with God and one another, we should exemplify giving and receiving—not giving to receive, but giving because it’s who we are. It's not about receiving to take, but receiving because God provides for His kids.
Is your relationship with God a two-way street, or does it need some reconstruction? If yours is the latter, you're not alone. This week, try implementing one of these three practical tips:
1. Develop your current fellowship with God. Try a new Bible plan. Ask God to help you gain wisdom. Acknowledge that healthy relationships ebb and flow, but they don't give up or throw in the towel.
2. Listen more than you talk. I know it's hard, but I challenge you to listen more than you talk to God. He desires to hear from you, but this practice implements mindfulness and focuses on who God is rather than simply what He can do for us.
3. Make sure you're giving and receiving for the right reasons. As much as it's nice to give and receive, check the motives of your heart. You can do this through prayer, journaling, or a simple and honest conversation with God.
What practice will you try this week? Our relationships with God are ever-evolving and require listening and talking, giving and receiving.
Lord, please make our hearts pure, open, and ready to receive. Make our relationship with you the best it can be.
Agape, Amber
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Brendan Church