God desires the lost, broken, ashamed, embarrassed, sad, depressed, and anxious people to ask Him questions. To tell Him they don't understand. Not because He will always give them answers at that moment but because He wants to sit with them during their questioning.
“Man comes closer to God through the questions he asks Him, he liked to say. Therein lies true dialogue. Man asks and God replies. But we don’t understand His replies. We cannot understand them. Because they dwell in the depths of our souls and remain there until we die. The real answers, Eliezer, you will find only within yourself.”And why do you pray, Moishe?" I asked him. "I pray to the God within me for the strength to ask Him the real questions." (Night, Elie Wiesel, Section 1).
Man comes closer to God through the questions he asks Him. I've been thinking about that statement a lot.
Every year I'm blessed with the opportunity to teach Elie Wiesel's compelling memoir, Night. In a horrific but true account of the Holocaust, readers experience a bone-chilling story of faith, resilience, strength, and war. They feel what the New York Times calls a "slim volume of terrifying power."
This is my fifth time reading and teaching it, and it truly never gets old. It's as if the story breathes new lungs every time I lecture on it, and something profound stands out. What a blessing to teach such a compelling story of faith and religion within the walls of a public school. This year, I've been deeply impacted by Elie's wrestling of faith in harsh conditions. Perhaps because I'm wrestling my own.
Wrestling with Faith
If you're unfamiliar with the Holocaust or Night, it's estimated that 11-13 million people were murdered during 1941-1945. Under Hitler's reign, anyone who didn't match his perfect Aryan race, or was seen as "undesirable," was annihilated. This included 9 million Jews and around 3-5 million Poles, Slaves, Gypsies, Romas, Sintas, homosexuals, handicapped, and mentally and physically ill people. If you had brown hair, anxiety, depression, or a broken leg, for instance, you were seen as a nuisance to society.
The faith struggles I've wrestled with pale in comparison to Elie's sufferings in Night. The darkest nights he lived through, including torture, persecution, starvation, and pain, are things I've never had to endure. Those times in his life depicted inner turmoil that he didn't know if he'd survive. Yet, I'm inspired by the painful questioning and words he continually penned during his experiences:
- "'Where is merciful God, where is He?’ someone behind me was asking.” (pg. 64)
- “Behind me, I heard the same man asking: ‘For God’s sake, where is God?’ and from within me, I heard a voice answer: ‘Where He is? This is where-hanging here from this gallows…” (pg. 65)
- “What are You, my God? I thought angrily. How do You compare to this stricken mass gathered to affirm to You their faith, their anger, their defiance? What does Your grandeur mean, Master of the Universe, in the face of this cowardice, this decay, and this misery? Why do you do on troubling these poor people’s wounded minds, their ailing bodies?” (pg. 66)
In his anguish, Elie's questioning is clear. He loves God and desires to serve Him, yet why would a good God allow bad things to happen? Moreover, out of all the beliefs Elie has clung to over the years, why are the Kabbalah, Talmud, and Bible suddenly being brought into question? Elie grapples with such things yet receives silence as His answer.
While Christianity and Jewish Mysticism are drastically different, I believe that Night reminds and encourages us of three things:
1. It's okay to ask God questions.
2. It's okay to not understand.
3. It's okay to ask God for strength.
1. It's Okay to Ask God Questions
One of the most profound things that Night reflects on is the power of asking questions. Clearly, living through something as horrific as the Holocaust would distort your view of God, let alone human beings. It's even harder to grapple with why He wouldn't intervene during the mass killings. But as Elie's Kabbalah instructor noted, we move closer to God in the questions we ask Him. In fact, it's not only okay to ask Him, but encouraged.
Those who feel that they already know everything they need to know about God are the true ones lost. They are prideful, cynical, and bless themselves for being good, holy people. God desires the lost, broken, ashamed, embarrassed, sad, depressed, and anxious people to ask Him questions. To tell Him they don't understand. Not because He will always give them answers at that moment but because He wants to sit with them during their questioning.
2. It's Okay to Not Understand
The second illustration that Night magnifies when it comes to faith is that it's okay to not understand. Living in the 21st century, it can be hard to not desire answers. I honestly hate the unknown and constantly struggle to rest in that place. But Elie reminds us that it's okay to not understand because we don't have to have all the answers to keep hoping in our Creator.
One of the most powerful reflections of sitting in the unknown, yet remaining faithful anyway is found in the book of Ecclesiastes. In chapter 8 of the New Century Version, Scripture closes with these words: "I tried to understand all that happens on earth. I saw how busy people are, working day and night and hardly ever sleeping. I also saw all that God has done. Nobody can understand what God does here on earth. No matter how hard people try to understand it, they cannot. Even if wise people say they understand, they cannot; no one can really understand it" (Ecclesiastes 8:16-17).
While this verse tempts me to grow anxious, I take a deep breath knowing that I need not try and figure out life's ways. There will be too many things far beyond my knowledge and depth of understanding, and that's okay. Not understanding keeps us dependent on God and humble in our comprehension of the world.
I don't understand why horrible things like the Holocaust had to happen. I probably never will. I don't understand why bad things happen to good people, other than the fact that we live in a fallen and broken world–a world God never intended for us to live in. But I'm reminded with confidence that I don't have to know or hold all the answers because He does. Resting in Him as my answer may not make it any easier, but knowing that's enough is.
3. It's Okay to Ask God for Strength
Of all the things I've struggled to ask God for in life, strength would be at the top of the list. Perhaps it's because I've often grown weary or ashamed. Perhaps because I frequently believe the lie that tells me I just need to "be strong enough on my own." But nothing could be further from the truth.
Situations like the Holocaust, mass disasters, and even physical and mental health conditions aren't enjoyable. They are painful, confusing, and destructive situations that threaten to steal our joy and our faith in God. But if pain and troubling circumstances have taught me anything, they've taught me this: God wants us to remember that strength already belongs to those who belong to Him. And for those who believe in Jesus, we already have His strength and power within us. We just have to remember that and pull it out.
"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness" (2 Peter 1:3, NIV). His power has given us everything we need, even amid the unknown, unanswered questions, painful circumstances, and weakness looming around us. Be encouraged today, friend. It's okay. Right where you are.
Agape, Amber
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Orla
