We may not understand why we doubt or why we're still suffering when we know what He's capable of, but we can also rest in peace knowing we don't have to have everything figured out. It's okay to have doubt coincide with belief.
"The father instantly cried out, "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:24 (NLT)
The moon was just beginning to cast shadows on the night sky when I felt defeat in my heart. It had been six months since my last panic attack, but in an instant, I was rocking back and forth on the floor fighting off the next one. Shallow breathing, a rapid pulse, and a quivering body made it hard to catch my breath. To think straight. To make the situation stop.
Shaking my head from side to side, I pleaded with God. I begged Him to take away the impending doom. To control the uncontrollable shaking rising from within. I asked Him to comfort me. I asked Him to help me breathe. And then I asked Him, "Why?" Between doubt and faith, I cried for a solid hour. Because I knew He could heal me like He's healed others. But I felt nothing. I felt empty. Broken. Shattered. Alone.
Today, I still know and believe that in an instant God could take my suffering away. I'm still praying that someday He will. But, I have yet to fully comprehend why some are healed and others aren't. It's still a mystery to me why many prayers are answered "no" and "not yet," but fewer are answered, "yes" and "now." I've seen miracles in my life and the lives of others, but when it comes to mental health struggles, my thorn remains.
Is Faith Easy?
If faith were easy, I suppose Hebrews 11:1 would say that faith is being sure of what we know will happen, and it's confidence in what we can see. But it's not easy, and that's not what the Scriptures state. Just the opposite is true: "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:1, NIV).
Hope is faith in action. Faith is pursuing hope with the belief that we will receive the good Lord's promises to us. It's a simple "yes" that's deeply ingrained in our hearts. We don't only say we believe, but our actions prove that we do. And unlike human beings, our God keeps His promises now and forevermore.
Remember 2 Peter 3:9 (ESV): "The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."
Meanwhile, Numbers 23:19 (ESV) says, "God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?".
True faith is not blind, hopeless, or wishful thinking. 2 Corinthians 5:7 (ESV) tells us, "For we walk by faith, not by sight." Hebrews 11:6 (ESV) explains, "And without faith, it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him."
Though faith is not easy, I'm often encouraged that doubting God is a normal, healthy, and human part of the process.
Let me explain.
Doubt Is Normal
In Mark 9:14-29, we meet a demon-possessed boy who can't seem to break free. The child is so heavily seized by the evil spirit that he's often thrown violently to the ground, foams at the mouth, grinds his teeth, and becomes weak and rigid. To give a twenty-first-century
But, as any caring father should, the dad approaches the disciples with his son, asking them to cast out the evil spirit. He is desperate. He's seen his son suffer and longs for him to be well. He's willing to do whatever it takes to cast this spirit out of his son.
When Jesus hears the ruckus, He asks "What is all this arguing about?" (v.16). Making His way to the scene, Jesus learns that this father did, indeed, bring his suffering son to His disciples. But, the disciples were unable to cast the demons and evil spirits out.
”Jesus said to them, 'You faithless people! How long must I be with you? How long must I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.' So they brought the boy. But when the evil spirit saw Jesus, it threw the child into a violent convulsion, and he fell to the ground, writhing and foaming at the mouth. 'How long has this been happening?' Jesus asked the boy’s father. He replied, 'Since he was a little boy. The spirit often throws him into the fire or into water, trying to kill him. Have mercy on us and help us, if you can.' 'What do you mean, "If I can?" Jesus asked. 'Anything is possible if a person believes.'" Mark 9:19-23 (NLT)
The dad of the demon-possessed boy believed Jesus could heal his son. Why else would he bring him to the disciples? Why else would he travel for the chance to be healed and whole? But what I love most about this story is that this dad also doubted. It was as if he held belief in one hand and doubt in the other. Don't we do just the same?
”The father instantly cried out, 'I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!' When Jesus saw that the crowd of onlookers was growing, he rebuked the evil spirit. 'Listen, you spirit that makes this boy unable to hear and speak,' he said. 'I command you to come out of this child and never enter him again!' Then the spirit screamed and threw the boy into another violent convulsion and left him. The boy appeared to be dead. A murmur ran through the crowd as people said, 'He’s dead.' But Jesus took him by the hand and helped him to his feet, and he stood up." Mark 9:24-27 (NLT)
The beauty of this story is that Jesus didn't rebuke the dad for doubting; He simply asked him a question and provided a fact: "What do you mean, 'If I can?' Jesus asked. Anything is possible if a person believes" (Mark 9:23, NLT). In response, the dad was honest. He replied with a statement that many of us can cry out today: "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24).
I don't know what physical, mental, emotional, relational, environmental, or spiritual hardships you might be facing today, but I want you to know that Jesus wants to hear from you. He sees every crippling anxiety attack, fearful panic, down-spiral depression, repetitive OCD thought, broken relationship, and failing faith. And He loves you the same.
We may not understand why we doubt or why we're still suffering when we know what He's capable of, but we can also rest in peace knowing we don't have to have everything figured out. It's okay to have doubt coincide with belief. Every Christian will wrestle with doubt and disbelief from time to time. What matters is how we respond.
A Prayer for Doubt
Dear Jesus, when we face seasons of doubt, please help us to be encouraged. Let us know that you don't look down on us for this, but you care about our suffering and where we are. Help us to be honest with you. Let our prayer be like the dad with his demon-possessed son: "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief" (Mark 9:24). This is a raw, broken, sincere, and honest plea of our hearts. And that's what you desire of us—to hear how we're really doing. Strengthen us today, and remind us of these truths. We love, praise, and thank you, Lord. Amen.
Agape, Amber
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