It seems the underlying root of the problem is that we all still worry about the opinions of others.
Often, I dread the question, "How are you?" There are many times I don't feel fine. As a woman of God, I want to be careful to answer honestly and authentically. God is truth. We should never practice deception, even with something as mundane as answering a question about how we are doing.
Do you struggle with being asked this question, or is it just me?
Jesus taught us to humble ourselves and serve as He did (Matthew 23:12). He taught us to put the needs of others before our own (Matthew 20:35-40). Jesus encouraged believers to live in humility, and it's a teaching that's emphasized all over the New Testament. Viewing the question from this lowly perspective, it's easy to think, "Their feelings are more important than mine, so I won't burden them; I'll just say 'I'm fine'." Can you relate to that?
The problem is when we tell someone we are fine and truthfully we feel like we are falling apart, we are being dishonest. Jesus doesn't just love truth, He is truth. So to say we love Jesus and then lie every Sunday or at any social gathering about how we are is a sin against Him and ourselves.
Jesus also promised His followers would have troubles in this life, so why should we present ourselves as fine? Following Jesus is serious and requires many forms of sacrifice. I can be joyful in all circumstances, but that doesn't mean all my circumstances are fun.
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NLT)
Can We Change the Question?
I have issues with answering truthfully as well. For instance, when I'm at church feeling undeniably anxious and someone asks, "How ya doing?" my response is usually something like, "Well, I'm feeling a bit anxious, but I'll be okay." Nothing about my response is a lie. I am anxious, and I will be okay. But now I'm worrying that the person thinks I'm nuts. And that adds to my anxiety. Also, if they didn't ask, they'd never know because I'm smiling and come off as upbeat. So it might seem extra odd that I'm telling them I'm anxious. Now we have a new problematic element.
I've wrestled with this common interaction for at least a decade now. I want to change the question to something like, "What is God doing in your life this week?". This is more specific and will provide a more thoughtful answer, but it's not like I can go around and tell all the Christians around the globe that we should ask different questions. Can I?
Upon further reflection, I considered that maybe it's not essential for us to be raw and open with every person we interact with. Perhaps we can leave the door open a crack for anyone who desires to know more.
For instance, if I am going through something challenging, I don't have to outright say it to anyone who asks. I can respond with, "I'm okay." The person can press for more with a response like, "Just okay?" That gives me a cue to know they are curious and open to hearing more.
If I say, "I'm okay," and am met with "Great, have a good day!" I don't need to share anything more with them.
I don't need to stress about this as much as I do. If you can resonate with my struggle, find comfort in this truth. As long as we are abiding with Christ and prioritizing Him in our lives, our social anxieties won't control us. While we wait for that day, we can rest in His sovereignty and goodness. He knows our struggles and uses everything in our lives for good (even when it doesn't seem good).
The Root of the Problem
It seems the underlying root of the problem is that we all still worry about the opinions of others. I know I sure do. I beg God to teach me how not to care about negative opinions about me, whether true opinions or ones I've fabricated in my head. I believe He is teaching me, but as usual, the process feels slow. I want to be "fixed" now.
I'm not sure how or when it happened, but as long as I've been alive, there's a strong belief that Christians should always be doing well because they know Jesus. It makes sense to a degree; we have something that the world doesn't, so why would we have any issues? Shouldn't our Christian witness be flawless?
I hope my struggle with this belief will eventually die, but if I'm being honest (which I am), it's still very much alive. I mentally wrestle with it frequently. Let me give you an example.
It's a Thursday, which means I'm needed at worship practice. I love to worship God, and by the time I get there and practice commences, I truly am fine. I'm better than fine. But leading up to our Thursday night practice, I may feel wiped out, sad, or stressed. But I should be none of those things because I cast all my cares on Christ, who cares for me, right? But sometimes my body doesn't get the memo, and I still feel the effects of stress or sadness. So, do I show up wiped out and weary, or should I slap on a smile because the joy of the Lord is my strength?
What happens most often is that I can't help but be authentic. The problem comes afterwards in the form of embarrassment and regret. I feel so stupid for being me, but it's not God who's guilt-tripping me for being me; it's the enemy. I abide with Christ, and He uses me for the Kingdom. My flesh feels how uncomfortable that is, and I believe the enemy uses that discomfort to deceive me into thinking being myself is wrong because it's unpopular.
I have experienced many forms of anxiety in my life, and I refuse to let it win. I'm a child of God. He protects me from the evil of the world. "For whatever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith" (1 John 5:4, NASB). I smile and muster every ounce of gratitude I can, because His Word says to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18) and focus on what is lovely, true, right, and pure. (Philippians 4:8). Even with all this practical application of scripture, I can still feel undeniably anxious.
We live in a time when most people struggle with anxiety. My thought is that it's good to be honest and open about it so others know they aren't alone and don't have to hide. In being honest about my anxiety, I hope to be an encouragement to others. Through my authenticity, others can know they don't have to hide their struggle from God or their brothers and sisters in Christ.
"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable." Hebrews 4:13 (NLT).
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Fizkes
Vanessa Luu is a wife, mother, and faith-based writer. She speaks and writes to believers to encourage them to live authentically with God.
