There is nothing worse than being around someone who complains all the time. It can be quite draining. Saturday Night Live poked fun at this with the hilarious Debbie Downer skits, a sad but true depiction of how some people bring up negativity even in the midst of doing something really fun.
Psychology Today writer William Berry wrote an article addressing complaining entitled "The Psychology of Complaining" where he broke down complaining pros and cons:
“Complaining Pros: there are several positive outcomes to complaining. It may foster a sense of validation in the individual. Complaining, like all communication, may bring a sense of connectedness between individuals. Additionally, venting makes one feel better. Letting out a negative experience certainly feels better than keeping it in. Often once someone vents, they feel better. Sometimes hearing oneself vent allows the speaker to hear himself, and to realize maybe the complaint isn’t that big a deal. In a way, just venting allows an external perspective, and is self-monitoring, indicating that what one is complaining about needn’t bother them so.”
I tend to fall into this camp. I actually feel better after I complain in this manner. I’m not sure if the person listening feels that way. Lol!
“Complaining cons: complaining may reinforce one’s ego at the expense of others. Additionally, and as opposed to connecting people, complaining may drive people apart. When someone is viewed as a chronic complainer other people may not engage. No one really wants to be around someone who complains incessantly. Generally, people want to be around balanced, moderate people. If someone is too bitter, or for that matter too happy, others tend to avoid them (or, perhaps, complain about them). Another reason people may complain is that the brain is negative-biased. The human brain, geared for survival, focuses on negatives (as they appear more threatening to survival) than on positives (which enhance life but are less vital for survival). As the brain perceives negatives at an approximated ratio of five to one, there is simply more to complain about than there is to be grateful for. Additionally, this may lead to less general happiness.”
The insight about our brains being geared toward survival is quite interesting…
However, as believers, we have a God who created us in His image, filled with the Holy Spirit with a desire to seek after Him. As a result, we don’t need to fall into these pitfalls of complaining but instead can look to our faith in God to cultivate a positive attitude in all things.
Let’s look at three tenets of faith that will create a positive attitude in all things:
When we are going through something difficult, whether it be a sickness or a trial of some sort, having someone reassure us in that area is like a breath of fresh air on a beautiful spring day. I literally react bodily when someone reassures me. I can feel every part of me relax. I’m sure you experience the same thing.
The definition of assurance is “a positive declaration intended to give confidence; a promise.” I love that—“give confidence.” Hebrews 11 is a confidence boost for all believers. Within that Scripture passage we see testimony after testimony of the faithful saints of old and how the Lord blessed them in their faith even when some did not see the fruition of that faith, but still ultimately received it: “And all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised, because God had provided something better for us, so that apart from us they would not be made perfect” (Hebrews 11:39-40).
We can have assurance that all the promises of God are yes and Amen. For those of us who have been in a difficult waiting season, maybe for years, we might lose hope, but we can be assured that God is working in the unseen places. “All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth” (Hebrews 11:13). We, too, can welcome God’s promises from a distance. Some of us might not see our deliverance until we reach heaven’s shores, but that doesn’t make our hope any less true.
When we allow God’s Word to give us assurance in what we are hoping for, we will approach our difficult situation with confidence, fostering a positive attitude of hoping for the best and having faith that no matter how God works it out, it will be even better than what we hoped for.
As 21st-century believers, we have not physically seen Jesus or heaven or the spiritual realms, yet we have a firmly held conviction that they all exist; however, our attitudes can seem to say otherwise. In fairness, we are living in the here and now, which is right in front of our faces. The news just seems to be getting darker and darker. It’s not easy to not be sucked into the depths of negativity when everything around us is negative.
This is why it’s so important to stay in the Word of God every day. To take time out of what’s right in front of you—to read about what was, what is, and what is to come—provides a solid conviction of what we have not seen. Daily Bible reading refocuses our minds to a heavenly, positive bent.
Before running a marathon, runners will carbo-load the night before. There is a whole science behind this, but suffice it to say when runners do this, they will have more energy stored up in their bodies to run the race with endurance. Our earthly journey is certainly like a marathon. Trying to navigate it without feeding on the Word will leave us running out of steam and focusing on the negative. "Our souls must be 'nourished on the words of the faith and of the sound doctrine'" (1 Timothy 4:6). "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God" (Matthew 4:4). "The law of the LORD is perfect, refreshing the soul" (Psalm 19:7).
When we feast on the Word of God, our conviction of the unseen will solidify as if we are physically seeing them. We will then live in that faith and our entire outlook, no matter what the case, will be positive.
When we practice living in the assurance of things hoped for and hold to our conviction of what is unseen, the natural byproduct will be a reward.
Gratitude journals seem to be popping up everywhere. One of the most life-changing books I’ve read was 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Throughout the book, the author talks about the importance of daily recording moments of gratitude even for the “littlest” things as a means of experiencing God’s presence and seeing His grace in the good times and even in the bad times.
I saw a video of a 102-year-old woman being interviewed about her secret to a long life. She said she never let age hinder her and was still driving at 98! The interviewer asked her if she ate a plant-based diet and exercised to stay young to which she responded, “Do you have a hot dog? I’ll eat it right now.” Ha! But then she said, in all seriousness, “The secret to my long life is attitude and gratitude.” Wow, isn’t that amazing?! But when you think about it, she’s absolutely right! If she maintains a positive attitude and is grateful for all circumstances, her body will not be sustaining the side effects of stress, thereby promoting a long life.
As believers, when we seek God in faith, we demonstrate a “positive attitude and gratitude.” We are looking to Him expectantly for wisdom and thanking Him for His answer even before it comes. The Bible has so many verses that prove the “secret” of the 102-year-old woman. For example, “You shall walk in all the way that the Lord your God has commanded you, that you may live, and that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land that you shall possess” (Deuteronomy 5:33).
When we have a continual negative mindset, it spews forth in our words and actions, and they usually aren’t pretty. But when we let the mind of Christ rule in our hearts, we will be rewarded. For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit” (1 Peter 3:10). When we let stuff roll off our backs, nothing can bother us, and we will naturally be rewarded with good days. Incredible, right?
I used to always think, "Well, at least when I get to heaven I won’t have all these troubles," and although that’s true, what I’m really saying is, “These troubles plague me on earth.” But that’s the thing—they don’t need to! When we seek the Lord in our troubles, we are seeking the mind of Christ who says, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29). What a beautiful reward!
Seek the Lord in faith and He will reward you above what you hoped or imagined.
May we allow these tenets of faith to create in us a positive attitude in all things.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Pollyana Ventura
Karen Del Tatto is a blogger, author, women's ministry leader, pastor's wife, mom, and grandmother who is passionate about the Word of God. Her blog Growing Together in Grace and Knowledge and her books Choosing to Trust God: Breaking the Habit of Worry, A 30-Day Devotional and Choosing to Trust God Companion Journal reveal her heart for providing Biblical insights to encourage women to grow in and through their struggles while equipping them to overcome. Karen and her husband live in Rhode Island and enjoy walks in the woods, owling, and spending time with their grandchildren.