In the third grade, I desperately struggled to make friends. My parents still can't pinpoint what caused this, but having a big group I could depend on wasn't in the deck of cards dealt to me. Sadly, I quickly became the victim of bullying, especially from those I had wanted to be my friends.
I'll never forget the hot August day I broke my wrist. I'd made some new "friends," and they wanted to play tag on the playground. I loved running around, so I agreed. When one of the older girls stuck her foot out and tripped me, I was disheartened. My arm throbbed with pain as I face-planted into the concrete. Later that night, a quick ER visit gave the conclusion: I'd fractured my wrist, and surely, those girls weren't "friends." The X-rays weren't pretty.
In a turn of events, I prayed that God would heal my wrist. Not only did I want to show that group of girls that I followed Jesus, but I wanted them to see that I believed in the Friend who could heal me. I believed in the Friend who would never leave my side and would treat me the way I was supposed to be treated. You can imagine their faces when I returned to school with a perfectly healed wrist that Tuesday—no cast required.
Over the next decade, I learned to distinguish those who wanted to be true friends and those who just wanted something from me. True friends desired my presence. Fake friends desired what I could do for or give them.
When I asked Jesus into my heart earlier that year, I learned the greatest news: Jesus desired to be my friend, and He didn't want anything from me except my heart. The greatest news for us today is this: Following Jesus will cost you something, but it's worth it. And what He offers us is much more than the healing of a broken wrist but the healing of a broken and sinful heart.
In Luke 14, Luke explains that being Jesus' disciple comes with a cost, but it's more costly to live without Him. As Christians and true followers of Jesus, we must love God more than anyone—even ourselves.
"Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 'If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple'" (Luke 14:25-27, NIV).
When most people read these verses, it's presumable to think, "Wow, that's crazy to hate my parents," but that's not what Jesus means. This harshness creates parallelism. It's to help draw a stark comparison between how much we love Jesus and how much we love family.
The Scriptures highlight dozens of commands to keep our affairs in order, care for our families, love abundantly, and work hard:
"Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)
"Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8 (NIV)
"Honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 19:19 (NIV)
"Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 (NJKV)
The Scriptures also promote healthy, godly self-care:
"The man answered, ‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Luke 10:27, NLT). This verse implies that we're taking care of ourselves. Why else would we be commanded to love others in this way?
"Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s" (1 Corinthians 6:19-20, NKJV). If our bodies belong to God and are temples of His Spirit that dwell within us, shouldn't we care for them? Jesus paid a high price for you (Galatians 3:13; Romans 3).
"Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed" (Mark 1:35, NKJV). If Jesus took time to be alone with God, pray, and meditate on the Word, shouldn't we replicate those same self-care principles?
As much as we care for and love our family and ourselves, we're called to put Christ above them all. Our love for Jesus must be so much greater that it makes it seem like we "hate" our family. We don't hate them, but we put Jesus first. And the only way we're truly enabled to love is by His love within us.
1 John 4:19 says it this way: "We love because He first loved us" (NIV).
This radical love Jesus commands of us requires steadfast commitment and dedication. Matthew 22:37-40 strategically places love for God before loving others for this reason:
"Jesus said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets" (NKJV).
Even in Jesus' sacrifice for us, He illustrated this love:
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 (NIV).
"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8-9 (NKJV, emphasis mine)
The love that Jesus has for us led Him to a bloody cross. It wasn't the nails that held Him there but His love for every one of us. We're called to love others with the love He's given us, but we must love Him with the same self-sacrificial love above all others.
It sounds crazy, but the sad reality of Luke 14:26 is that most of us probably aren't concerned about loving our families more than God. But we need to be concerned with the second half of that verse:
"Yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26b (NIV, emphasis mine)
I won't call you selfish because I know I am whether I want to be or not. But we must hate "even our own life" if we want to fully follow Jesus. We cannot be His disciples without that dedication. Remember, Jesus isn't looking for lukewarm, half-in, half-out people (Revelation 3:15-18). He's looking for people willing to count the costs and take it.
"For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it— lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’? Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple." Luke 14:28-33 (NLT)
Friends, Jesus Christ is our friend. And what a friend we have in Jesus! He's the best, most solid, steadfast, dedicated, and true friend we could ever have.
But it's going to cost us something. And that something is placing His desires and ways above our own. That something is choosing to lay down our pride in exchange for His presence.
If we aren't willing to carry our cross and follow Him, we can't be His disciples. Have you counted the costs? Are you ready to give up everything you own? Even yourself? Your desires, dreams, and wishes in exchange for His?
Scripture is clear that Jesus wants us to love God and love others. He even wants us to love and take care of ourselves. But living our lives His way is going to cost us something. Salvation is free. But we're not talking about money here. We're committing to follow His will, His way, no matter what price we might have to pay here on Earth as it is in heaven.
What's one way you can commit to following Jesus this week and being a friend to others?
Agape, Amber
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