The Ever-Popular Proverbs 31 Woman: Who She Really Was (And Why We Shouldn’t Try to Be Just Like Her)

Guilt sells.

Make someone feel bad enough about themselves, and you can sell them anything. That’s how the fashion, diet, and technology industries all work: creating in us extreme dissatisfaction and then offering us a product to solve our problem.

In our case, the guilt is well-placed. We have all missed the mark of God’s righteousness. We fall woefully short of His standards of perfection.

And we need something–someone–to solve our problem. That Someone is Jesus.

Unfortunately, too many Christian women turn to the “Proverbs 31 Woman” when they should turn to Jesus. And is it any wonder? We're really good at selling the Proverbs 31 woman as our standard to copy. Search Proverbs 31 on Amazon and you’ll find 10,779 books. Google returns 4,530,000 hits. And the Internet is full of heartbreaking memes that speak to our discouragement when faced with the perfect P31 lady.

Perhaps in our zeal for righteousness we have replaced our Savior with an idol.

Perhaps we’ve been reading this text all wrong.

Maybe, instead of reading Proverbs 31 as a manual of everything we ought to do to be righteous, we need to start with this key truth: Jesus paid it all so we can stop trying to impress Him and just be faithful where we are.

When God looks at me, He sees the righteousness of Jesus. If you’re a believer, that applies to you, too.

His Spirit within us brings us to a life of freedom and joyful obedience rather than dutiful observance of the law and multipliers. And while advice on how to raise our families may be helpful, nothing but Jesus’ sacrifice secures God’s favor and grace.

We do not earn God’s smile by our own works after we are saved any more than we did before we were saved.

Here's the truth:

God won’t be happier with you if you homeschool your children than if you send them to public school.

Your decision to eat grass-fed organic beef burgers on gluten-free buns with tomatoes and lettuce grown in your own garden won’t impress Him.

In fact, He doesn’t shower special blessings on women who quit their careers to stay home with their kids.

The truth is this: every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places is available to every believer who walks in the Spirit, regardless of whether or not her lifestyle matches what the church at large promotes as the stereotypical righteous woman.

You can breathe easily now.

Instead of striving to become a “Proverbs 31 woman,” do this: accept the finished work of Jesus on the cross and be faithful where He has placed you.

For as much attention as the church gives Proverbs 31, you’d think Jesus would be all over it, quoting the passage on His Sermon on the Mount, giving His disciples advice on how to find a “virtuous wife,” and praising Martha for her efforts to win Proverbs 31 Woman of the Year.

You might be surprised to find He doesn’t even mention the mythical woman.

Not. Once.

But He speaks a whole lot about His followers, male and female alike, being faithful to what God has called them to do.

In Matthew 25, He explains that followers of Jesus need to be responsible with the roles and resources they have, like the wise virgins (vv. 1-13) and the wise servants (vv. 14-30), which looks like serving those around us as if they were Jesus Himself (v. 40). There are many such parables and teaching moments throughout Jesus’ ministry.

It’s time we stopped reading Proverbs 31 as a Christian womanhood manual and started reading it for what it is: the cumulative picture of women who are faithful where they are.

As I read Proverbs 31 now, I picture all the different women represented in this chapter.

• Some women are crafty and honor God with their sewing projects. …And some are not.
• Some women are business-savy and make deals that make my head spin. …And some are not.
• Some women are super-athletic and run marathons twice a year and eat only organic. …And some are not.
• Some women are gourmet chefs and throw pinterest-worthy parties. …And some are not.
• Some women are early birds and set their worlds in order by 7am. …And some are not.
• Some women are night owls and stay up late into the night, buzzing with ideas and projects. …And some are not.
• Some women are master planners and have their life goals, meal plans, holiday shopping, and bills all color-coded in a smartphone app. …And some are not.

And you know what? That’s ok.

The bottom line is not whether a woman is all of those things and more, but whether she is serving the people around her with her time, energy, and resources. When we reach the throne of God, He won’t ask us whether we crocheted, canned, or made a side income. He will ask us if we were faithful to serve where we were: our family, our neighbors, our coworkers, the homeless on the street corner, the widow in the grocery store, the pregnant teen, and any other person He places in our lives.

Stop trying to be someone you’re not and embrace the unique talents and gifts God has given you to serve Him right where He has placed you. (c.f. 1 Corinthians 14)

Rest in the finished work of Jesus. Celebrate your sisters who are gifted differently than you. Invite the Holy Spirit to continue molding you in the image of Jesus. Lay down the pressure to be the perfect woman. God never required that of you. Sister, simply be faithful. Confess when you mess up and thank God that he gives grace. 

And rejoice in the sacrifice of Jesus that clothes you in His righteousness right now, just as you are. We don't make or earn those robes of righteousness, he puts them on for us. 

"I will rejoice greatly in the LORD, My soul will exult in my God; For He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness." Isaiah 61:10a

Lord, you are so loving, faithful and merciful. You have known me all my life and have never stopped loving me and providing for me. Thank you for the gift of eternal life you’ve given me, and for all the ways you are with me each day, helping me along this journey of life.

Lord, I confess that sometimes I try to do life in my own strength. I try to make it all happen by my own ingenuity and energy. Father, forgive me. Because I should be taking all of my life to you. I should be asking you for the strength I need, and for your will to be done, not my own.

Father, thank you for all the ways you have grown me as a faithful woman. I know there is much progress to me made in my life, but I also want to celebrate my belovedness and all the growth you’ve helped me bear these years. Keep helping me, Father. I don’t want to try and be the perfect Proverbs 31 woman. But I do want to always be your girl, always strive for you, always work to bring you glory. Help me see the difference between striving for a standard I was never meant to achieve, and striving to be the faithful woman I can be today.

Thank you for your Spirit, and I ask now that your Spirit would be on me, giving me wisdom and thoughtfulness about how to be a faithful woman. I love you, Father. Thank you for loving me. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.

This post originally appeared on OneThingAlone.com. iBelieve.com staff have added the related video and prayer as additional resources.

Join Asheritah on her blog, One Thing Alone, on Twitter and on Facebook. 

6 Important Things Proverbs 31 Doesn't Say about Women. "The book of Proverbs is full of practical wisdom all based in a good, healthy fear of the Lord. The last chapter, chapter 31 where this woman is depicted, was an acrostic poem written to offer counsel to young men on the kind of wife they should be seeking. It wasn’t even written directly to women, yet we take it to be this end-all-be-all list of requirements and standards to achieve perfect godly womanhood when that wasn’t ever the intent."

When Life Feels More Like Psalm 31 than Proverbs 31. "If you are a woman and have been a part of the Church for any length of time, chances are good that you have studied Proverbs 31 alone or with a group of other women. Some of us have heard it so much we have become jaded, or notice that people have clichéd it. Others however, feel discouraged by Proverbs 31 because we don’t measure up to it, or don’t feel as though we have the favor of the Proverbs 31 woman."

Christ, Proverbs 31, And You. "I wonder if there is something missing to our usual reading of this chapter. I wonder if there is more hope there than we think. And I wonder if the final chapter in the book of Proverbs has a lot less to do with us and what we do or don't do and lot more about what God has done, is doing, and will do in us."