It takes great courage for someone to come alongside us and tell us something so that we may grow into more of Christ’s likeness
As a kid, I had parents who told me my efforts were not good enough. I tried to strive for my parents’ approval. When I got one A- on my report card, my parents would ask, “Why wasn’t it all A’s?”. These comments sent me the message that my effort didn't count. This led me to be emotionally immature. When someone told me something I didn't like, I would try to blame them or make them feel bad about themselves. The reality is that healthy criticism can be a good thing. Sometimes, people use criticism to tear others down to build themselves up, but those who truly care about us use criticism to encourage and inspire us. Those people tell you something critical because they care enough to want you to do better in life.
Telling someone the truth about a situation is not a sin. It's not being mean, and it's not unkind. However, we live in a society where people think that if you don't say something nice all the time, you're unkind or you're not Christian. The truth is that criticism can be a good thing for a few reasons.
Here's how I learned healthy criticism can be a good thing:
It's Not About Me
Often, people said things to me because they wanted me to be a better person. Usually, I took them as personal attacks against my character and against who I was on the inside. In the end, that wasn't true. If someone said something critical to me, I had to learn to discern whether I should take that as a tool for growth. I must use discernment when it comes to whether that is a good thing to take in my life or a bad thing to ignore.
I also consider the source. If it's someone who is often critical about everything, I’m less likely to hear what they have to say. However, someone who comes to me in love and tells me something, even if it's hard to hear, isn’t being a hateful critic; they simply care enough to want to see me grow.
It takes a lot of strength and courage to tell someone the truth about a situation. It's often easy to look at the situation with rose-colored glasses. It's easy to deceive ourselves and tell ourselves that we are doing better than we are or avoid giving others healthy criticism for fear of retaliation, anger, or judgment. It takes great courage for someone to come alongside us and tell us something so that we may grow into more of Christ’s likeness. That’s why when I hear something critical from someone, I don’t automatically disregard it. I decide if they have my best interest at heart or say something to tear me down.
Jesus Wasn't a Mean Critic
Jesus was not a mean critic. He had constant contact and communication with the Father. Therefore, the hard-to-swallow things he said came from a place of love. For example, when he called the Pharisees a “brood of vipers,” this was far from a "kind" response. However, he was saying it because he knew the intention of their hearts. Their hearts were evil, even though they portrayed themselves as good, law-abiding people in public. On the inside, though, they were filled with evil deeds and greed, among other character flaws. They wanted attention and approval for themselves and tried taking it away from Jesus.
The minute Jesus started getting the attention of the crowds, the Pharisees got jealous. Their jealousy and envy led to Jesus's death. Jesus didn't let these things happen because he didn't believe they had a chance to grow. Instead, he wanted to see them change their hearts. Though none of us can truly understand the thoughts of Christ on Earth, perhaps he thought they would change if he said something to them.
When someone says something critical, the person wants me to change something about myself. Truthfully, I want the situation to change if I say something hard to someone. Healthy criticism comes out of a place of frustration or fear. I must decide if what the person says is the truth or something critical to my spirit.
I Don't Take It Personally
I may have people who say they care for me, but at the end of the day, when I'm having a problem, it's my choice to move forward. I must be the person who changes to be a better example of Christ. It's not Christ-like to ignore or dismiss whenever someone says something I don't like. It simply shows emotional immaturity.
If someone tells me something to be taken personally, I must decide whether it's truly right and correct about me or something someone uses to project their issues onto me. This is not always easy to discern, but deciding whether to take that person’s suggestions to heart or disregard them is necessary.
It's also important to understand someone's motivation for saying something. If a person comes at you with evil intentions, you must not listen. Sometimes, people say things with the best intentions but do so with a spirit of pride, arrogance, or envy. In these examples, I have the right to disregard them.
When both parties are willing to speak hard truths to each other so they can grow, spiritual growth truly happens. When someone tells me something because they care and want me to change and display Christ’s character, it's my Christian duty to listen and adjust accordingly. Otherwise, I rob myself of an opportunity to grow and be used by God in more powerful ways because I didn't heed instruction and rebuke (given it’s done the right way).
Criticism Leads to Growth
For example, if someone tells me I was mean to them, I should ask them precisely what the comment I just shared meant to them. I decide if it will change. Spiritual growth always happens in my community. Yet, in society today, we often grow spiritually as individuals for fear of being brutally honest with our people. We choose to pray, read Scripture, etc. alone, yet we sometimes need others to help us discern. We need to be wise when we surround ourselves with good, well-intentioned people who help us determine what's best for us, which is essential for me and many others who lean on community for growth.
As a writer, I've received many rejections in life, and I'm developing in the right areas today because of how I positively responded to their criticism. I have friends who have stopped writing because they received a rejection. Getting someone else's well-meaning opinion is essential. It's necessary to see what other people think so you can adjust and grow. If you want to grow, it's up to you. You must be the person who receives their criticism in love to produce goodness and change.
Criticism is always challenging. It's not easy for both the receiver and the speaker. However, a person who decides that a person's healthy criticism is beneficial to their growth and uses it as a learning experience will grow into the person God wants them to be.
Developing a thick skin means not allowing rejection to stop me from achieving my goals. It will enable me to persevere and become a writer and a better Christian. Criticism helps me persevere and create the Christ-like character God wants me to have.
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