Early in our human experience, we crave attachment to our mommas. Studies have shown that infants can’t discern whether they are still safely housed inside their mother’s womb or are being held in their mother’s protective arms. Everything we do as mothers to comfort babies actually mimics the womb, whether we realize it or not. Holding a baby close on our chests, the baby hears our heartbeat. When we tap the baby’s bum, it mimics the tapping of our hearts when they were inside of us. Even the shu shu sound we make to gently soothe them mimics the sounds inside the womb. I don’t know about you, but I never knew any of these things but just instinctively did them as I’m sure you all did. Recently, I have been blessed with not one but two new granddaughters. I am seeing these months after their birth with whole new eyes in light of what I recently learned and shared above. My 5-month-old granddaughter has always loved to be held and still does! She also will hold your finger while being cradled in your arms and won’t let go. It is the sweetest, most precious thing! My two-week-old granddaughter seems to be exhibiting that same trait of holding onto your finger when you hold her. So sweet.
Whether I enlightened any older folks or I am the only one who learned these things with the birth of my two recent grandbabies, everyone knows that as children get older and progress into the "stranger danger" phase, they will cling to their mothers with a fierce grip, especially if someone else needs to pick them up. This year, I had the privilege of being at my grandson's first day of kindergarten. He was sooo excited to go to school. Although he did say, “For some reason my eyes are watering,” and with a brave stiff upper lip went off with a smile to his new teacher and friends. There was one sweet little girl who was so distraught, holding onto her mom for dear life, not wanting to go on the kindergarten line. It was heartbreaking to watch, and I’m sure for that dear mother, it was the hardest thing she had done thus far, but it was necessary to have the daughter let go and follow the kindergarten teacher. If the daughter had not let go of her mom and left with the teacher at that time, it would’ve been that much harder for her the next day to repeat the experience and actually go into the classroom. At the end of the school day, I asked my grandson how the little girl who was upset did the rest of the day. He responded that she did good and seemed happy. Indeed, sometimes letting go seems like it is going to hurt, but in the end, it opens up a whole new world of happiness.
It’s so interesting how this whole dynamic switches. For those of you empty nesters like me, it is so hard to watch our “babies” fly from the nest as we let go of 18 or more years of having them safely in our care. It’s definitely not easy to let go, and boy, does it hurt! When my daughter moved to California after getting married, my husband, her older brother, and I couldn’t bear to walk by her room. We actually shut the door as if that would shut out the pain of her not being there. It felt like a death, and we all grieved in a similar manner.
After a few weeks, I set out to transform her room into a lovely guest room that she and my son-in-law could return to when they visited. I put special items in the room that would mean something to them. During my time of redecorating, Jesus became my absolute best friend. I spent so much time in His presence just talking to him. It was through that season of letting go and pain that the Lord opened up a whole new world of ministry to me, placing a desire to minister to young moms through Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS). From that ministry, I ended up leading women’s Bible studies and was ultimately prepared to become a pastor’s wife. The pain of letting go brought about the many blessings of serving in ministry.
So, how do we avoid the pitfalls of not letting go? I believe we first need to look at the reasons why we don’t let go and then look to God’s Word to redirect our perspective.
“When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, 'The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.' 'Pardon me, my lord,' Gideon replied, 'but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about when they said, "Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?" But now the Lord has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.' The Lord turned to him and said, 'Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?' 'Pardon me, my lord,' Gideon replied, 'but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.' The Lord answered, 'I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.' Gideon replied, 'If now I have found favor in your eyes, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me. Please do not go away until I come back and bring my offering and set it before you.' And the Lord said, 'I will wait until you return'" (Judges 6:11-17).
Here we see Gideon filled with fear and doubt. Even after the Lord reassured him that He would be with Gideon and bring about victory, he still doubted God. And it didn’t end there. He asked God to prove Himself further by requesting signs through the woolen fleece.
The very thing that Gideon wouldn't let go of was fear and doubt. Until he let go, he was going to be paralyzed in his fear and wouldn’t experience God’s deliverance. How many of us do that to ourselves? We think that by not letting go, we are protecting ourselves from something fearful when, in fact, what is actually hurting us is the fear itself! Eventually, Gideon trusts God’s plan and leads the Israelites to victory.
If you feel that the Lord is asking you to let go of something, but you are afraid to, it is important to still listen to that prompt. He wouldn’t be asking unless the act of letting go was going to bring you a blessing instead. God sees the beginning from the end. He knows your heart, and He knows when fear and doubt are blocking the blessing.
The next time you are afraid to let go of something, reframe your perspective to one of expectant hope and anticipation in what the Lord will have for you once you do let go. The Lord will NOT disappoint you.
“Now it came about, when Isaac was old and his eyes were too dim to see, that he called his older son Esau and said to him, 'My son.' And he said to him, 'Here I am.' Then Isaac said, 'Behold now, I am old and I do not know the day of my death. Now then, please take your gear, your quiver and your bow, and go out to the field and hunt game for me; and prepare a delicious meal for me such as I love, and bring it to me that I may eat, so that my soul may bless you before I die.' Now Rebekah was listening while Isaac spoke to his son Esau. So when Esau went to the field to hunt for game to bring home, Rebekah said to her son Jacob, 'Behold, I heard your father speak to your brother Esau, saying, "Bring me some game and prepare a delicious meal for me, so that I may eat, and bless you in the presence of the Lord before my death." So now, my son, listen to me as I command you. Go now to the flock and bring me two choice young goats from there, so that I may prepare them as a delicious meal for your father, such as he loves. Then you shall bring it to your father, that he may eat, so that he may bless you before his death.'”
Rebekah’s plan to deceive her husband in his old age was not a good look for her. Her favoritism of Jacob shone through, and her disrespect for Isaac was next level. Her selfish desires certainly clouded her judgment. I’m not sure how she thought her plan was going to go well… Because it did not… Rebekah was holding on so tightly to Jacob and HER desires for him moving forward that she forsook her husband and her other son. As a result, Esau became enraged and vowed to kill Jacob. The very thing Rebekah did not want to let go of, she was forced to by having to send Jacob away to spare his life. Not only that, she risked Jacob taking a wife from the daughters of Heth, which the very thought caused her grief.
Examine yourself the next time you are holding on tightly to something and see if there is a selfish desire at the root. If there is, shift your perspective back to the Lord and seek Him as you navigate letting go. Pray for a changed heart, and you will be blessed in letting go.
The Bible is full of stories where people played God by refusing to let go. Adam and Eve, the Israelites, and Jonah, just to name a few. Yet even still, God’s will prevailed, and they were forced to let go.
What we won’t let go of comes in lots of shapes and sizes. A majority of those circumstances probably fall under the category of playing God. The next time you are having trouble letting go, ask the Lord to show you if there is any wicked way in your thinking and to renew your mind to align with God’s will for that situation. You will then have peace to let go and will be blessed because of your obedience.
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Karen Del Tatto is a blogger, author, women's ministry leader, pastor's wife, mom, and grandmother who is passionate about the Word of God. Her blog Growing Together in Grace and Knowledge and her books Choosing to Trust God: Breaking the Habit of Worry, A 30-Day Devotional and Choosing to Trust God Companion Journal reveal her heart for providing Biblical insights to encourage women to grow in and through their struggles while equipping them to overcome. Karen and her husband live in Rhode Island and enjoy walks in the woods, owling, and spending time with their grandchildren.