...while God doesn’t need me to accomplish His plans, I absolutely need Him to fulfill my part in them.
My anxiety level decreased significantly when I learned—and accepted—what was and wasn’t mine to carry. Prior, my empathy for other people’s pain, the confusion regarding how to demonstrate Christ-like love in difficult circumstances, and my codependent traits developed over my lifetime often left me feeling overwhelmed with angst. I frequently became too emotionally involved or worked up over situations in which I held zero control or responsibility. To phrase it another way, the lines where I ended and someone else began often felt blurred.
Jesus never had this problem. He loved deeply and perfectly from a place of wholeness. By examining His interactions and following His example, we can experience increased peace and deeper, more mutually fulfilling connections.
Here are three ways Jesus set boundaries and why they’re important:
1. Jesus Refueled in Chaotic Seasons
In my early years as a ministry leader, I often felt exhausted, frustrated, and overwhelmed. When my volunteer pool thinned, or someone neglected a task, I immediately assumed responsibility for every unaccomplished assignment. Then, instead of recognizing and honoring my needs and limitations, I became frustrated with others. I blamed my fatigue on their inefficacy instead of my poor self-management. Eventually, my mounting stress and fatigue tempted me to quit entirely, and for a time, I did.
During that brief withdrawal, God helped me see how my behavior led to my burnout. In continually chasing after what felt urgent, I’d neglected practices my soul needed to thrive. I’d overlooked two important and connected truths: while God doesn’t need me to accomplish His plans, I absolutely need Him to fulfill my part in them.
God used the example Jesus set in Mark 1. This was early in His ministry when His disciples were still getting to know Him and the life to which He was calling them. Prior to following Christ, they’d been ordinary men engaged in ordinary trades. Suddenly, they found themselves surrounded by the masses and confronted with needs only God could meet.
They’d also witnessed Him doing so on numerous occasions. At a wedding, they watched Him turn gallons of water into wine. He’d healed a royal official’s near-death son by His word alone. He’d brought a massive number of fish to Simon Peter, who had spent the night prior pulling up empty nets in a seemingly barren lake. He’d freed a demon-possessed man, healed Peter’s sick mother-in-law, and many others.
The next morning, likely exhausted and depleted, Jesus arose “while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed” (Mark 1:35, NIV). At some point, the disciples awoke and became overwhelmed by the number of people seeking help from Jesus. You can sense their exasperation in verse 37, which states, “when they found him, they exclaimed: 'Everyone is looking for you!'”.
Notice how the Lord did and did not respond: “Jesus replied, ‘Let us go somewhere else—to the nearby villages—so I can preach there also. That is why I have come’” (v. 38, NIV).
I’m struck by the fact that He didn’t justify or try to explain His actions. He simply moved on with His mission. I’m also encouraged by the timing of His temporary withdrawal. While Scripture doesn’t tell us how many people sought Jesus that morning, the disciples’ response and Scripture’s phrasing prior indicate a sizeable number. While some of these individuals might have come to hear His rabbinical teaching, most arrived in desperation. They were sick, perhaps leprous, demon-possessed, and hungry.
Had I been there, I don’t know if I would’ve had the emotional strength to walk away, regardless of how tired I felt. At least, until I remembered my humanity and my Savior’s divinity. Jesus, God in the flesh, understood His earthly dependence upon the Father and Holy Spirit. He never attempted to do anything alone. His every act stemmed from the constant union of the Trinity.
In this, He showed us how to live yielded and filled. Years later, prior to giving His disciples the greatest assignment handed to man, He said, “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:4-5).
I’ve learned that I can’t wait until a “good time” to nourish my soul. If I want to experience all God has for me and complete all He’s planned for me, I must prioritize quiet, unhurried connection with Him. He doesn’t call me to something and then expect me to accomplish it in my wisdom and strength. Instead, He invites me to turn to Him, depend on Him, and allow Him to work through me.
I’ve also discovered that if I routinely have more to do than I have time to do it, I’m likely taking on things He never intended.
2. Jesus Told People No
Many of us find it challenging to elevate God’s voice above people’s. For some, this feels especially difficult in the church, where we’re taught to love sacrificially and honor others above ourselves. An introverted friend once told me that she was suffering from “no” fatigue. She received so many program and training invites, her guilt increased every time she declined.
She was doing her best to honor God in her marriage, at her work, and in the places in which she served. In fact, she and her husband had embraced a “missionary” role that regularly stretched them to capacity. They also intentionally invested in their marriage, mental health, visited a gym three days a week, remained involved in a small group, and faithfully served in ministry.
Yet, my friend felt as if the church constantly asked them to do more. Speaking of one particular request, she said, “How do I communicate that were I to accept, I’d be doing so out of obligation?” After already having missed a series of events, she feared appearing unspiritual and selfish.
In mentoring others, I’ve discovered this is a common fear. I’ve heard some say they feel selfish for declining a ministry need.
Yet, Jesus, the embodiment of perfect love, regularly denied human requests and demands to remain focused on His divine mission. When religious leaders demanded that He prove His identity through a miraculous sign, the Lord instead used the opportunity to allude to His crucifixion. When His friend Martha asked Him to correct her sister, He, in essence, told Martha to worry about herself. He also quietly slipped away when the masses tried to make Him their earthly king.
3. Jesus Didn’t Allow Toxic People to Hijack His Plans
How do you behave when forced to interact with a challenging person? Perhaps it’s someone in your friend group who criticizes your parenting. Maybe it’s an in-law who tries to control you. Or perhaps it’s a coworker who mocks you with sly sarcasm. In those situations, many of us find it difficult to enjoy ourselves and others. In anger and defensiveness, we might even do and say things we later regret.
While dealing with an intense relational challenge, the Lord directed me to His interaction with the disciples in John 13. In verses 1-2, we read, “It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus.”
He knew His betrayer dined among them. Yet, still, He loved His own to the end, or as some translations state, to the uttermost. He didn’t allow Judas or the devil to sabotage His precious time with the others. Instead, He tenderly washed their feet and spoke the words millions worldwide repeat with every communion.
As I contemplated His faithful love, God directed my attention to verses 3-4: Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist” (NIV, emphasis mine). Jesus was able to love well, to the uttermost, because He knew who He was, where He came from, and why He’d come.
This helped me see that my defensiveness didn’t come from anyone else’s behavior. Instead, it stemmed from a false identity and the insecurity this created. The more I recognized who I was in Christ, the more consistently I resembled my Savior.
John Mark Comer wrote in his book Practicing the Way, “We let God love us into people of love.”
Reading Bible passages that talk about picking up and carrying our cross and acting as “living sacrifices,” it can feel confusing to know how to live for Jesus in a way that is holy and healthy. We might come to view our physical, spiritual, and emotional needs as selfish. Yet, when we properly tend to our needs, we are better able to navigate the nuanced challenges we all experience.
While God does indeed tell us to love others sacrificially and to share our time and resources to help others, He doesn’t want us to live perpetually defeated. We most resemble Him when we live and give from a full and nourished soul.
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Jennifer Slattery is a writer and speaker who co-hosts the Faith Over Fear podcast and, along with a team of 6, the Your Daily Bible Verse podcast. She’s addressed women’s groups, Bible studies, and taught at writers conferences across the nation. She’s the author of Building a Family and numerous other titles and maintains a devotional blog at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLou
She’s passionate about helping people experience Christ’s freedom in all areas of their lives. Visit her online to learn more about her speaking or to book her for your next women’s event, and sign up for her free quarterly newsletter HERE and make sure to connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and GodTube.
