When Your Spouse Says They Want a Divorce - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - January 26

When Your Spouse Says They Want a Divorce

By: Vivian Bricker

“But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:32)

“I want a divorce.” This small sentence has the capacity to destroy us. When our spouse tells us they want a divorce, it can be painful, hurtful, and cruel. It can be especially painful if we didn’t see the statement coming. There are many things that can make us suspect our spouse wants a divorce, such as past infidelity or abuse.

However, none of us really know what to say when our spouse shares this information with us. If they want a divorce, what can we do to try to convince them otherwise? Their wanting a divorce means they don’t want to be with us anymore. All the memories we have made will now become painful. Each day, we will be reminded of the pain and heartbreak of our spouse leaving us.

If our spouse comes to us wanting a divorce, we need to ask them a few questions. While it can be difficult to keep a level head in these situations, try to remain calm. Ask them why they want a divorce, if they are willing to work through any problems, and if you both just need a break. God doesn’t want your marriage to end in divorce, and we shouldn’t divorce our spouse for any and every reason.

As you are talking with your spouse, be sure to listen to them. Hear them out and validate their feelings. It's possible that your spouse feels unseen and unheard by you. These are common feelings for spouses, especially during difficult times. A rough patch in your marriage doesn’t mean a divorce is warranted. Choose to talk matters out and listen to one another’s concerns.

This conversation might be just what your spouse needs to feel more secure in your marriage. However, this cannot be where the conversation ends. You will need to continue showing up and being intentional. If they share with you that they feel as though you don’t love them, don’t listen to them, or don’t pay attention to them, then you are going to have to make the necessary changes.

Sit with them in their pain and do what you can to help them. Your marriage can be repaired if you both put in the effort. Seeking Christian marriage counseling is a good idea. It can help improve communication within the marriage, as well as work through any problems that may arise. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed of starting marriage counseling.

Marriage counseling can save your marriage and redirect the focus of your marriage on Jesus. It is also crucially important to include Jesus in your marriage. Pray together, read the Bible, and talk matters over with each other. Consult the Bible in every situation and work through issues with the Lord's help.

Jesus tells us, “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32). As Jesus says in this passage, one of the only reasons for divorce is sexual immorality. Abuse is also a valid biblical reason for divorce. Therefore, the only two biblical reasons for divorce are infidelity and abuse.

If you or your spouse has not done either of these things, then you need to try to repair your marriage. It is also worth noting that you cannot control your spouse. If they choose to leave, there is nothing you can do about it. If this happens, continue to work on your own mental health and well-being. Find solace in the Lord, lean on Him, and find comfort in other believers.

Sadly, even Christian marriages end in divorce. If this is what happens in your marriage, know that this is not the end of the world. It can feel like it at the time, but Jesus will help you regain traction and set your feet on level ground. Rely on Him during this time and trust that He will bring light out of darkness. He loves you, and He will provide you with everything you need to smile again.

Prayer:

“Dear Jesus, my spouse recently told me they want a divorce. This has brought so much pain into my life. Lord, what am I to do? Please help me understand how to work through this problem with my spouse and encourage them to share their feelings with me. If possible, please help restore my marriage. In Your Name, I pray, Amen.”

Vivian Bricker obtained a Bachelor of Arts in Ministry, followed by a Master of Arts with an emphasis in theology. She loves all things theology, mission work, and helping others learn about Jesus. Find more of her content at Cultivate.