When Your Spouse Shares with You They Are Gay
By Vivian Bricker
“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation” (Isaiah 12:2).
Recently, I was on a walk with my dad, and he started talking about the actor, Lou Diamond Phillips. My dad has been a fan of Lou Diamond Phillips for many years, and I have heard many facts about him, but I had never heard this fact about his past. Phillips’ first wife, Julie Cypher, had disclosed to him that she was a lesbian and was in a relationship with Melissa Etheridge. After my dad told me this, it made me wonder what Phillips’ response was, and moreover, what my own response would be if I were in the same situation?
Not many of us think about this unless we are put in this unique situation. However, it is becoming more common for marriages to end in divorce because either the husband or the wife discloses to their spouse that they are gay. While I’m not sure what my own response would be, I can imagine it would be pain, hurt, and confusion. If you are going through this situation today, know that my heart goes out to you. God is with you, and he will give you strength.
Our spouse is supposed to be our strongest ally and the person we can trust with everything. This can quickly change when they disclose this devastating news to us. It can make us feel betrayed and hopeless for the future. Depending on how long we have been with our spouse can affect how bad we feel. If we have been with our spouse for many years, we can be extremely confused when they share this information with us. We love our spouse, yet they have been attracted to the same sex for many years.
What this would tell us is that our spouse doesn’t love us anymore. It could also make us feel as though our entire marriage has been built on falsehood. If our spouse is gay, we will quickly think they have been pulling us around for years, not truly caring about us, and not actually being in love with us. If you are experiencing these feelings today, know they are all completely valid. The pain, anger, and betrayal you feel are all valid.
Leave room for these feelings and try to get away by yourself to pray. Turn to God and allow Him to surround you with His love, comfort, and strength. He will help you know what to do going forward. While it is true that your marriage is going to end, know that God still has wonderful things for your future (Jeremiah 29:11). Try to remember that your marriage is ending, but your life is not.
When our marriage ends, it can feel as though our entire life will not be the same. Our life won’t be the same, but it can still be a wonderful and beautiful life. God can bring beauty from ashes, and we don’t need to doubt the splendor of our life to come. This certain stage of our life is ending, yet there are far greater things ahead. It is sad to know we won’t be with our spouse anymore, but we can still look ahead to what God has in store for our future.
Once you and your spouse agree on separation, you will want to decide if you want to stay in contact with your spouse. Keeping in contact with your spouse is entirely up to you. Don’t feel as though you have to stay in contact if it is too much for you. If you want to remain friends with them, this is okay too. Choose what is best for your emotional and mental health. Consult God in prayer and ask Him what your next steps should be.
Throughout this traumatic season of life, rest in the strength of God. Our passage today tells us, “Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation” (Isaiah 12:2). As Isaiah says in this passage, God is our salvation, we don’t need to be afraid, and He is our strength and defense. When we are navigating this hard season, we need to remember these truths.
We don’t need to be afraid of the future because God is our strength and our defense. Our salvation is found in Him, and one day we will be taken to be with Him in Heaven. Our present troubles will not endure forever. There will be a day when all of the pain we are experiencing will be gone. Until this day comes, find strength in the Lord. He will help you during this time, direct your steps, and bring hope into your heart for the future.
Dear God, I recently found out my spouse is gay. I feel so confused, hurt, and betrayed. I don’t know where to go from here. What should I do? Please direct my steps and give me strength. I trust You with my future and I know You still have great plans for my life. In Your Son’s Name, I pray, Amen.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Antonio Guillem
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Originally published Wednesday, 29 July 2026.
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