Facing the “For Better or Worse” in Marriage
By Lynette Kittle
“I can do all this through Him who gives me strength--Philippians 4:13
For many of us, the words “for better or worse” were included in our wedding vows, although we didn’t think we’d really ever have to deal with the worst.
The better is like the icing on the cake and the fireworks after a long day, providing the joy and pleasure that come through a marital relationship that brings unexpected waves of happiness and contentment to our lives.
Yet, the worst can happen at any time in life, making these words important to include in our wedding vows. It’s where we really discover how committed we are to God, to our marriages, and to our spouses. It’s during the worst of times, when we find out if we really meant what we vowed.
It’s during these times, when marriage isn’t looking like what we thought it would, that we have to step up and face things we don’t want to address or deal with and thought we’d never have to face in our marriages.
Still, these are the times when we see what we’re made of, if we love our spouse during difficult times, and if we are willing to go the extra mile for them when needed, even if it involves suffering for us. Jesus urges us in Matthew 5:41, “If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.”
Sometimes the worst comes when a spouse has changed in ways we don’t like, whether in appearance or in adopting beliefs, hobbies, ambitions, or political opinions that we don’t see eye-to-eye on or agree with. Or, it comes through a condition or illness that is life-changing, and we don’t want to deal with in life, much less on a daily basis.
For some of us, worse happens in dealing with a husband or wife who betrays us. Worst has a broad range of possibilities, and depending on who we are, is somewhat subjective in nature, too.
In facing the worst in marriage, we don’t often think of Philippians 4:13 when it comes to dealing with it, not necessarily considering it offering us a kind of strength to endure through a difficult time. Often we’ll apply it to those situations around us, but unwilling to accept and apply God’s strength within our own marriages.
Wisdom from the Bible is often ignored when it comes to marital relationships, with spouses receiving less than the forgiveness and compassion God calls us to give to one another.
Expectations are usually higher for our spouses, unrealistic in ways that fail to take into consideration the humanness of our husband or wife, ignoring Ephesians 4:32, which encourages, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
But looking for perfectionism in our spouse has nowhere to go but down, to disappoint us, because we are holding them to a higher standard in our marriage than we ourselves are able to maintain.
The Apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Still, for all of us who go through the worst in marriage, God offers His help, giving us comfort, directing our steps, letting His compassion and kindness flow through us. All we have to do is ask Him, and He’s there for us, ready and willing to see us through difficulties, giving us His strength when we have none of our own left.
Let’s Pray: Dear Father, I ask you to help me today as I face the worst in my marriage. Give me an understanding and forgiving heart towards my spouse. Strengthen me to be willing to walk through the worst with my mate. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/PeopleImages
Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.
Related Resource: Spiritual Leadership or Spiritual Abuse in Marriage? 6 Signs to Know the Difference
In this episode, I'm discussing six signs of spiritual abuse in marriage and how to recognize the difference between biblical spiritual leadership and toxic leadership. I explain why healthy leadership invites collaboration, tolerates disagreement, and never uses Scripture, submission, or God to control a spouse. For more helpful resources on marriage, be sure to follow The Rebuilding Us Podcast on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Originally published Thursday, 15 October 2026.
SHARE
