Is There a Wrong Way to Parent?
By: Vivian Bricker
"Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged" (Colossians 3:21).
Before my mom passed away, she used to talk about her parents in a very fond way. While her parents would talk with her if she did something wrong, they treated her in a biblical, loving, and kind manner. My mom said that her parents made her feel like "a little princess." Her father made time to spend with her despite being a trucker and being gone for months at a time.
Even when he was at home, he would be called to the army base to serve, which caused him to see my mom even less often. However, when he was home, she was his entire world. The same goes for my mom's mother. My grandmother could not get enough of my mom; she loved everything about her. She would stay up late so she could talk with my mom after she got off work, visit her at work just to see her, and allow her to go to any college she wanted—all paid for.
To say that my grandparents treated my mom well was an understatement. However, they didn't spoil her. My mom was never spoiled, nor was she rude. Instead, she grew up with a healthy self-view, which helped her to become confident in who she was. She didn't need to seek the approval of others because she knew her parents loved her. And ultimately, this is what every child needs.
Whether a child is an infant or an adult heading for college, they need their parents' love. If a child is brought up with the ideology that they don't matter and that their parents don't love them, they will have a negative self-view. Not only this, but they will also be more prone to develop an eating disorder, anxiety, or depression. Parents must be mindful of this and ensure they raise their children properly.
Parents already know they are to raise their children in the Lord (Proverbs 22:6), yet how many of them extend Jesus' love to their children? Are they caring, loving, and understanding? Or are they yelling, belittling, or hurting their children? Parents need to carefully look at their actions and see if they are building their children up or tearing them down.
Tearing your children down will do nothing to help them. It will only make them grow bitter, hateful, and resentful. Even if you think you are doing right, you are doing wrong if you are parenting in a mean or hurtful way. It is better to be loving and caring toward your children. If this is difficult, know that you can improve by asking God for His help.
The Apostle Paul tells us, "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged" (Colossians 3:21). As Paul tells us, there is clearly a wrong way to parent. Embittering your children is not a good way to parent. It is also important to note that when Paul addresses fathers here, it can also refer to both parents. Most Bible versions will have a footnote stating this fact.
Therefore, Colossians 3:21 refers to both fathers and mothers. It is vitally important for both parents not to embitter their children. Don't look down on them, don't hurt their feelings, and don't be mean to them. Far too many parents take their frustrations out on their children, which needs to end.
Within your own life, what steps can you take to start parenting in a biblical, loving, and caring way? What habits or teachings might you need to let go of? By turning away from any parenting that is hurtful to your children, you will notice they will become less embittered. With even more time, they may feel comfortable being themselves. Start today, lean on God, and remember always to be your child's proudest cheerleader.
Prayer:
"Dear God, I fear I haven't been parenting in a biblical way. I believe I have embittered my children and torn them down. Please forgive me, God. Help me change my ways and start parenting in a biblical, loving, and caring way. Thank You for all of your help and forgiveness. Amen."
Related Resource: Engaging with God in a Technology-Saturated World
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Originally published Thursday, 13 February 2025.
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