Facing Insecurities in Your Marriage
By: Vivian Bricker
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18).
When dating, we often feel insecure about ourselves, what our significant others think about us, and whether our relationship will end. However, once we are married, we think all these insecurities will magically disappear. Sadly, these insecurities will persist unless we address them. We need to address them with God and with our spouse.
Addressing these insecurities doesn’t mean they will go away in the blink of an eye, but it does mean the beginning of a new start. It will also start a new wave of communication with your spouse. Your spouse might not even know the insecurities you are facing. Talking these matters over with them will help ease your heart and give you peace of mind.
Christian marriage counseling will prove to be helpful if you and your spouse want to try it out. While not all marriage counselors are the same, many great counselors are out there. Do research beforehand and see if your friends, parents, or siblings have any recommendations. Sometimes, connecting with a counselor that a trusted individual has recommended can be beneficial.
Even if you and your spouse don’t want to do couples therapy right now, still try to talk matters out with each other, involve God, and pray for each other. Remember that your spouse loves you, and they want to help you work through any insecurities. Maybe you are having insecurities over a past affair, and you are worried it will happen again. Express these concerns to your spouse and let them know how these fears are impacting your daily life.
If you and your spouse have gone through a season where there was infidelity, it is to be expected that you will struggle with feeling insecure in your marriage. Validate these feelings and acknowledge them. If you always try to fight against them, it will only cause your recovery to be prolonged. Marriages can survive infidelity, but it will take much work. Remember, if your spouse is still here, it means they want to try again, correct their mistakes, and stay with you.
Painful memories can cause you to be upset and mad at your spouse. Leave room for these feelings, but also try to move forward. It can be hard to forgive something as bad as this, yet God calls us to forgive (Ephesians 4:32). Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation; however, if your spouse wants to repair the marriage, you should try to be reconciled to them. God wants you to stay together, work through these struggles, and once again be confident in your marriage.
This will take time, but it will be worth the journey. Your insecurities will not last forever. The more you and your spouse work through any insecurities in the marriage, the more likely these things will not bother you anymore. Your marriage might even become stronger as a result. God can use even bad things for our good (Romans 8:28). Rely on Him and trust Him to help you in this difficult time.
The Apostle John tells us, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18). Within marriage, there needs to be mutual love. There is no room for fear when you and your spouse love each other. Love removes fear from our lives, but it often takes some time.
The fear and insecurities you are experiencing now will not endure forever because you love your spouse, and they love you. Allow them to shower you with their love. Especially if the insecurities formed after infidelity, your spouse probably already wants to make sure you feel loved and wanted. Don’t turn them away or shrug them off. Accept their love and embrace this new start of your marriage—a marriage freed from unforgiveness, infidelity, and insecurities.
Prayer:
“Dear God, there have been many things in the past that have caused me to feel insecure in my marriage. Please help my spouse and I to work through these struggles. Give me the strength to continue on and the heart to forgive. I trust You and know You can bring good even out of bad things. In Your Son’s Name, I pray, Amen.”
Related Resource: Engaging with God in a Technology-Saturated World
Many of us feel hurried, and hurry is costing us more than we realize. The Unhurried Living Podcast with Alan and Gem Fadling provides resources and training to help Christian leaders learn to live and lead from fullness rather than on empty. After realizing the toll technology had taken on his connection with God, his community, and even himself, Carlos Whitaker took radical steps to disconnect in order to reconnect. He spent nearly two months living screen-free at a monastery, an Amish farm, and his own home, experiencing profound transformation along the way. If this episode helps you recenter your work and life on God, be sure to subscribe to Unhurried Living on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
Originally published Thursday, 23 January 2025.
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