Honor your father and your mother so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.Exodus 20:12
On October 20th, 2003, I received a call from my brother-in-law that no one wanted to receive. "Come down to the hospital. Your mother's not breathing." My husband and I went down to our local hospital and were immediately asked to wait in their bereavement room. Stunned, I found my sister and father already there. We talked briefly and discovered that my mother had complained of a cold for about two weeks. One day, she struggled to breathe, which soon became labored, and she felt exhausted. She fell asleep on her living room couch. She never woke up.
My father tried to do CPR but was unsuccessful. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital, where she was pronounced dead. After 45 minutes of waiting to learn more, the doctor told us what we expected. We got a chance to go into the room where she was to see her one last time. We then went home to process our pain and grief.
In the morning, we told both sides of the family what had happened. A few weeks later, when we had the funeral, my mother-in-law approached me. She said although she would never replace my mother, she would be happy to fill in wherever needed. That meant much to me as I was never close to my mother. Although I never got near to my mother-in-law because God called us to different areas of the United States to pastor churches, I always appreciated her willingness to step in and be a surrogate mother in my mother's absence.
From then on, although I've not been able to honor her with my physical presence as much as I would like, I've always tried to honor her in other ways. I always pick the most thoughtful gifts for Christmas and birthdays. For many years, we took her out from Mother's Day and celebrated Mother's Day with her at her home. I wrote cards with encouraging messages in them for the holidays.
Six years ago, we moved a couple of hours away from where my mother-in-law lives to be closer to her since her husband's passing. We have also clarified that she's more than welcome to come live with us at any time. We bought our home with plenty of room in mind.
The above verse talks about honoring your mother and father. God promises that if we honor our parents, he will make our lives long and prosperous. This is because it is essential for us never to forget where we came from. Our mothers and fathers made many sacrifices so we could become the people we are today. They fed and clothed us and shaped our character so we could become healthy, well-adjusted adults.
But for those who do not have mothers physically here with them on earth, we can choose to honor the in-laws that God has given us. There are many ways to celebrate the second mothers in our lives. Ask her for advice when needed. Increase the amount of time you talk on the phone. Check in with her often to see how she's doing. Take her out if finances allow. Be thoughtful and intentional when giving her any gifts. When sending holiday cards, tell her how much she means to you.
I've learned that our loved ones can be here today and gone tomorrow. We never know what time we have left with them. Make the most of the time we have with our loved ones. Do what you can to honor them, speak their love language, and tell them they are very special to us.
Father, let us be the children who honor our second mothers and fathers. God, let us recognize the gift that in-laws can be to our lives. Help us discover ways to celebrate these special people. Let us not waste time believing we have more time left. Let every time we are in their presence be a time when they know how much they are appreciated and loved. Amen.
Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor's wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Hall of Faith encourages kids to understand God can be trusted. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.
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