"I have made a covenant with my eyes; why then should I look upon a young woman?" (Job 31:1).
Why doesn't Chuck want me in the marriage bed? Angie pondered. The couple were both virgins when they wed, and they had been counting the days to their honeymoon. However, only months later, their love life was not as passionate as Angie had expected. One day, she discovered images on their computer that helped her assemble the pieces: Chuck had been viewing inappropriate material. When Angie confronted him, he wept and apologized profusely. Chuck felt relief that his shame was finally revealed and promised never to view pornography again. But he knew the truth: stopping proved to be more difficult than he had anticipated. Even when Angie knew Chuck's secret and tried to hold him accountable, it wasn't enough to dissuade his unquenchable urges.
The secrecy was eating him up. Seeing the hurt in Angie's knowing eyes only deepened Chuck's shame and remorse. Angie sensed Chuck pulling away; she knew he was grappling with shame and regret. However, the wall he put up only heightened her feelings of betrayal. Angie's disappointment and her sorrow gradually turned into resentment. The more she resented Chuck, the more the Holy Spirit was quenched in her own life. Her prayers for her husband seemed weak and powerless. Although she felt justified in her anger toward Chuck, she was also convicted over the bitterness welling up in her heart.
Finally, Angie reached out to an older, godly mentor for help. One such mentor had once openly shared how her marriage survived her husband's pornography addiction. "This is the woman I need to talk to," Angie thought. "I need real help from a real person. I need to know how they survived."
When Angie mustered the courage to ask for help, The older woman was very gracious. Her gentle smile and knowing eyes were the first glimmer of hope Angie had felt for some time. As the two began to meet regularly, Angie was surprised by the woman's insights. "Angie," she said, "your husband opened a door to lust when he was just a boy. Satan got a foothold in his life and has been holding a tight grip on him ever since. You've been trying to shame your husband into stopping, but your disrespect will drive him further away from you and likely back to his computer screen. I'm not trying to excuse his behavior, but I want you to grasp what your husband is dealing with."
The wise woman continued, "The Bible says we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities of darkness. Chuck is waging a spiritual battle, and he needs your help. Just as Moses interceded for Joshua as he battled the enemy, Chuck needs you to intercede for him now. He needs you to become his greatest supporter and strongest prayer warrior."
She continued, "I know you have been praying for God to change your husband, but it's time to evaluate your heart too. The Bible also says, 'The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous person avails much.' If you're holding onto bitterness toward your husband, then your prayers are not righteous. They will not accomplish much in helping Chuck win the war against Satan's attacks."
Instantly, Angie understood. "I have been so focused on Chuck's disgusting transgressions that I have refused to evaluate my own wrongdoing," she said. "In God's eyes, my sin of resenting Chuck is just as repulsive. My sins have made my prayers powerless. It's time for that to change."
Angie recalls this moment as their turning point. "When I repented of my own sin, I saw God begin to do a work in our marriage," she explains. "He answered my prayers by sending Chuck to godly men who are holding him accountable and helping him make significant strides in his battle. I'm amazed that God has given me compassion for Chuck's plight. Our marriage isn't perfect, but we are on the path toward healing, and we see God's light at the end of this tunnel."
If you can relate to Angie and Chuck's story, you are not alone. Studies reveal that 57% of pastors say porn addiction is the most damaging issue in their congregations and has adversely impacted the church. Knowing you're not alone isn't enough to make the problem go away. However, there is now so much help available. As the reality of this porn epidemic has come to light, more pastors are speaking candidly about the topic, warning young people of the long-term consequences, and offering real support for men and women ensnared in this addiction. With biblical resources and godly mentors, you and your spouse can find a path toward victory over the grip of pornography. Pray as you've never prayed before. God sees. He knows. And He's ready to help you win this battle. For more of Chuck and Angie's story, read Rhonda's book: Real Life Romance.
Prayer:
"Father, we need Your help to break the bondage of this addiction. We are powerless against Satan's schemes. Please help me cleanse my heart before You so that my prayers can be righteous in Your eyes. Please strengthen our marriage and encourage my spouse to get the help they need to break free from pornography's grip. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Rhonda Stoppe is a best-selling Christian author of seven books. With 40 years of experience in helping women build no regrets lives, Rhonda has become a highly sought after voice in the Christian living community. She has written hundreds of articles for Crosswalk.com and other popular magazines. Rhonda has appeared on The 700 Club, 100 Huntley Street, Family Life Today, Dobson’s Family Talk, and her interviews at Focus on the Family have been named in their Best Of Episodes 2021 & 2023. “I could have listened to Rhonda talk all night,” is what listeners say. Her speaking platform includes: Homeschool conferences, (MOPs) MomCo, MomCon, Legacy Grandparenting Summit and more. She is the host of the award-winning podcast, Old Ladies Know Stuff. Rhonda has over 40 years experience as a pastor’s wife, speaker, mom coach, marriage mentor, mother of four–and did we mention she’s a grandmother of 15! Find out more about Rhonda at NoRegretsWoman.com.
Related Resource: How to Make Your Prayer Habits Stick
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Originally published Friday, 20 December 2024.
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