The Grievous Effect of Alzheimers
By: Rhonda Stoppe
"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." — John 15:13
"There's no way I am going to put your mother into a home," Bill whispered to his son, Steve. "I love her. She has cared for me all these years. It's my responsibility to watch over her now when she needs me most."
After four happy decades together, Bill and Eleanore's final years were marked by grief. From how they loved each other, it might seem like they had an easy beginning. But trust me, they faced some tough times together. Just after they tied the knot, Bill was deployed to Korea. Bill's mother was less than fond of Eleanore, so after Bill's deployment, it became apparent that living in the little apartment attached to her in-laws' house was not the best arrangement. After moving in with her sister, Eleanore endured a grievous miscarriage—while Bill was still overseas.
Bill and Eleanore's relationship was warm, genuine, and full of laughter—a reminder that love can thrive and grow, no matter what life throws your way. Just being around them would bring a smile to your face. They cherished every moment together, and it was a joy to watch!
When my husband, Steve, and I were dating, I began to spend time with his parents. It was the sweetest experience to observe how Bill and Eleanore loved each other. I had never really seen a married couple cherish one another so deeply. Their love really stood out when Eleanore was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. At first, she couldn't remember how to play the piano, which was a heartbreak since playing at church brought her such joy. You could see how disappointed Eleanore was when those beloved hymns slipped from her memory. Bill felt the grief of it all but kept his sorrow to himself. He tried to muster up enough courage for both of them as they walked together on the grievous journey of her memory loss.
For the next ten years, Bill dedicated himself to caring for Eleanore. There were many nights I'd hear him crying on our front porch while my husband held him tight. After a while, we noticed that all the stress was starting to wear him down, so we suggested he think about admitting Eleanore to an assisted living facility. Bill just looked at us and said, "She's my wife. I couldn't imagine letting anyone else take care of her."
Have you ever observed such depth of sacrificial love? Although watching Eleanore's mind fade away was a grievous experience for our family, we witnessed the real-life romance lived out in Bill and Eleanore's story. Even when "Ellie," as Bill called her, forgot who he was, he never stopped caring for her. When things got so bad that she could no longer be left at home alone, Bill sold their home, quit his job, and moved into a small house on our property just so he could be with her full time.
Bill had loved his career. He loved the home he had to sell to afford staying at home with her. But nurturing Eleanore became his priority. It seemed that no sacrifice was too great for Bill when it came to looking after his beloved. Jesus said, "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends" (John 15:13). I believe Bill genuinely reflected this type of great love when he set aside his own comfort and accomplishments to watch over Eleanore.
The way my in-laws showed their undying affection for each other impacted me deeply and influenced how my husband, Steve, and I have cared for one another for more than four decades. Their legacy of sacrificial love resonates in how we now observe our adult children loving their spouses so very well.
Have you ever thought about the story you are living? Are other marriages influenced when they observe how you love your spouse—even in grievous times? This generation is craving those epic stories of undying love. It's easy to let life's grievous experiences steal us away from what matters most. But what if the troublesome trials you encounter are the refiner's fire that God will use to deepen your love for your spouse?
When facing grievous times—and you will—learn to cling to each other in love. Together, you can draw strength from Christ. He understands your pain; He has suffered all the sorrowful experiences you may endure. He is your compassionate Savior—who laid down His own life for you. God's plan for your marriage is, with each passing year, to grow deeper in love with each other. So that when grievous times come, your selfless love will stand the test of time. This is life for all of us. But it's how you walk through grief together that will define the legacy of your love. And through your example, may others be inspired toward this type of sacrificial adoration.
"Father, only You know the grief we will face together. Please help us lay a foundation of selflessly serving one another so we are ready to lay down our lives for each other should You ask us to do so. Please be glorified in our grief and shine brightly through us the light of Christ's love. Amen."
Rhonda Stoppe is a best-selling Christian author of seven books. With 40 years of experience in helping women build no regrets lives, Rhonda has become a highly sought after voice in the Christian living community. She has written hundreds of articles for Crosswalk.com and other popular magazines. Rhonda has appeared on The 700 Club, 100 Huntley Street, Family Life Today, Dobson’s Family Talk, and her interviews at Focus on the Family have been named in their Best Of Episodes 2021 & 2023. “I could have listened to Rhonda talk all night,” is what listeners say. Her speaking platform includes: Homeschool conferences, (MOPs) MomCo, MomCon, Legacy Grandparenting Summit and more. She is the host of the award-winning podcast, Old Ladies Know Stuff. Rhonda has over 40 years experience as a pastor’s wife, speaker, mom coach, marriage mentor, mother of four–and did we mention she’s a grandmother of 15! Find out more about Rhonda at NoRegretsWoman.com.
Originally published Monday, 09 December 2024.
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