"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." (Matthew 18:20)
I'm grateful my husband is willing to pray with me when I ask, but I know from past experience he's more comfortable praying alone. Early in our marriage, he expressed the awkwardness he feels praying in group settings. Though I completely understood and respected his boundaries, it caused me to shy away from suggesting we pray together.
It wasn't until we'd been married for a while that I began going to him for intercession. Because of the serious family issues we faced, we needed to come together in prayer, and over the years, it's become easier and easier.
When your spouse would rather pray alone, it can be for several reasons:
They might feel insecure about their prayers.
They might be intimidated by your prayers.
They might communicate better without an audience.
They might feel closer to God when they're alone.
Whatever the reason, here are a few things you can do to encourage your spouse:
Pray God Changes Their Mind
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Matthew 7:1-2)
Without judgment, pray sincerely for God to change your spouse's mind. Ask the Lord to remove any thoughts of insecurity and replace them with an openness to pray together.
Often, when our spouse feels like they are under a microscope, they withdraw from situations that might cause them to feel judged or criticized. We need to provide a welcoming atmosphere where they feel free to join us if they wish.
Instead of forcing the issue, commit it to the Lord. Trust Him to bring you and your spouse together in His time. Focus on creating a judge-free environment where the invitation remains open without pressure.
Ask Them to Join You Silently
"Where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." (Matthew 18:20)
Gathering together to pray doesn't always mean both people have to pray aloud. Your spouse can easily join you in silence and agreement, being just as effective in their prayers. The important thing is to come together in Jesus' name, knowing He is with you and hears you.
If your spouse would rather pray alone, ask them to join you silently as a means of unity and support. Consider sharing Matthew 18:20 with them, happily allowing them to remain quiet as you pray. Trust that God hears both spoken and unspoken prayers, as Isaiah 65:24 says, "Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear."
Emphasize Your Need for Their Prayers
When our spouses don't see a need to pray together, they might not be aware of the benefits. If this is the case in your marriage, consider having an open, honest discussion with your spouse, emphasizing a genuine need for what they have to offer.
Let them know you value their wisdom.
Tell them you appreciate their perspective.
Encourage them to share what is on their heart.
Emphasize your family's need for their prayers.
Letting your spouse know the value they bring to the table might break down some of the walls of praying together. Ultimately, continue to encourage them, give them space, and allow them to open up when ready.
Prayer:
Lord, please help me let go of any and all expectations of my spouse when it comes to praying together. Help me be sensitive to their insecurities and personal boundaries without judgment. Instead, lead me to encourage, value, and appreciate any input they're willing to give. I pray for walls to come down, obstacles to be removed, and prayers to flow freely between us. Thank You for my spouse, no matter what their prayer preferences are. I leave all conviction to You, Lord, trusting in Your timing. In Jesus' name, amen.
Jennifer Waddle is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer, and is a regular contributor for LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com where you can find her books and sign up for her weekly post, Discouragement Doesn’t Win. She resides with her family near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains—her favorite place on earth.
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