How to Support Your Pastor Through Church Conflict
Katie Orr, Guest Writer
A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel (Proverbs 15:18).
A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends (Proverbs 16:28).
The greedy stir up conflict, but those who trust in the Lord will prosper (Proverbs 28:25).
An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins (Proverbs 29:2).
Church conflict is no fun. Understatement of the year, right? Whether it is a small fire that pops up in a small group or a full-blown congregational wildfire, church conflict is inevitable and ubiquitous. The church is filled with imperfect people in progress. Therefore, we will encounter trouble, and it is in these troubling times that your pastor needs your support the most.
Here are three gifts you can give your pastor, especially in times of conflict and unrest:
YOUR PRAYERS
Let’s face it: When it comes to church, there is no shortage of strongly held opinions. Criticisms abound, and receiving those critiques is a weekly (if not daily) part of the pastor’s job. Sometimes they are silly and small. Other times they are helpful and needed. It is part of his job to listen to and consider every negative comment that comes his way. However, you and I can help him tremendously by filtering our thoughts through prayer before we bring them to our pastor.
What if we made it our gut reaction to every bit of “church news” to hit our knees and pray for our pastor?
What if we chose to take our concerns to God first and ask Him for guidance and leadership, and discernment to know if our critiques even need to be vocalized?
What if we prayed for our pastor more than we complain about what he is or is not doing?
Not sure what to pray for? Here are some great places to start:
- Pray for his spiritual well-being and protection.
- Pray for strength to walk the road God has chosen for him.
- Pray for wisdom as he leads.
- Pray for protection from the enemy.
- Pray that he gets rest both physically and emotionally.
YOUR PRESENCE
Once we’ve prayed for our pastor as our first response to concerns and conflict, now we can bless him with our presence. Empty seats bring forth feelings of defeat. Especially over time, the collective effect of seeing church members choose other pursuits (kid’s activities, family time, sleeping in, cleaning the house, constant traveling, etc.) over the body of Christ, again and again, is incredibly discouraging.
If you really want to bless your pastor—especially in times of dissension—show up. Prioritize your relationship with God and your commitment to His church more than your career, your family time, and your self-care. Those things are certainly important (and I am not saying we need to stop pursuing those things) but let’s be sure to make the weekly gathering with God’s people and the faithful serving the church body a non-negotiable in our lives and schedule these other important pursuits around our commitment to our church family. Being a healthy church member will enhance the health of your church and, in turn, the health of your pastor.
Beyond the commitment to being a faithful church member, if you encounter a specific concern, meet with him (after you give him the gift of your prayers first). Give him the chance to answer your questions and clarify any misunderstandings. Avoid passive-aggressive actions such as withholding your giving or attendance. Don’t give in to talking about your concerns to everyone but your pastor. That’s exactly what the evil one wants. Plus, it hurts the body of Christ and the reflection of God’s glory more than it hurts your pastor.
YOUR PUBLIC AND PRIVATE SUPPORT
Hopefully, after you have prayed for your pastor and have come to him with any concerns you have about the church or decisions he has made, you can walk forward in support of your pastor. As you hear concerns expressed by others, encourage them to give these gifts of their prayers and their presence. If you see dissatisfaction and dissension forming, enter the discussion and be a gentle encouragement that points them to pray for the pastor and taking their concerns directly to him, not primarily to each other. We’ve all played the game of “telephone” and seen how truth changes they pass from person to person. Support your pastor by debunking half-truths and imploring people to take their concerns directly to the pastor.
Beyond your support within private conversations, be sure to support your pastor publicly, too. There is a tendency for church members to neglect the opportunities to support their pastor when he needs it most, particularly in business meetings. It’s one thing to tell your pastor you are on board with an upcoming change, it’s quite another to be present and vocally supportive when that change is being initiated.
Oftentimes, at the first sign of resistance, men and women who have told the pastor they are with him, unfortunately, fail to publicly state their support of the change. Most churches have some sort of meeting where church members are able to participate in the governance of the church. Don’t miss out on those important spaces where you can bless your pastor tremendously by not only casting your vote but also showing your clear and public confidence in his leadership.
Don’t underestimate the cunning of our true enemy. Satan loves it when we turn on one another. Because if we are too busy fighting ourselves, we won’t be bringing the gospel to the nations. When we choose to refuse to do anything that will add to the fire of conflict within the church, we put a damper on the evil one’s schemes. And if enough of us choose to do the same, the damaging fire will have no fuel to thrive on.
Ultimately, these three gifts are not about the pastor. It is about our obedience to Christ. We are all called to share all good things with our teachers (Galatians 6:6), honor them (1 Timothy 5:17), trust and follow their leadership (Hebrews 13:17), and respect them (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13). This is especially important for us to remember when we walk through difficult times as a church.
Lord, help me to love and honor my pastor better. Forgive me for the times I have been silent and have not stopped unhealthy and unhelpful conversations. Forgive me for the times I have entered willingly in spreading gossip. Give me the grace and resolve to treat my pastor with respect. Lay a great burden on my heart to pray for him regularly. Lead me to see your plan for our church, and how you are using this man to guide our church to greater growth so that we can glorify your name in our community. Show me what I need to change. Help me be a better church member. I long to be a blessing to my pastor and a benefit to the body of Christ. I thank you for my pastor.
Reprinted with Permission from Katie Orr
This post was originally published on LifeWay Voices
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Katie Orr is passionate about equipping everyday women to experience God daily. She is a gifted writer and speaker, and her innovative Bible study methods are used by thousands around the world. She is the author of Secrets of the Happy Soul: Experience the Deep Delight You Were Made For, seven Bible studies, and contributes regularly to online and print publications. Katie and her husband and their three children live near Orlando, Florida. Learn more from her BLOG AND SOCIAL MEDIA OUTLETS: Website, Facebook, Instagram, on this Bible Study Hub Online Group
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Originally published Wednesday, 02 November 2022.
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