Tell Them Hello
Pasty Kuipers, Guest Writer
TODAY’S TREASURE
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” John 11:25-26
“Those whom you laid in the grave with many tears are in good keeping: you will yet see them again with joy. Believe it, think it, rest on it. It is all true.” J.C. Ryle
“Tell them hello for me” was one of Mom’s signature sayings. Depending on who “them” referred to, she might also tack on, “and that I love them.” I delivered her message countless times over the years. Sometimes when Mom and I would muse about being reunited with our departed loved ones, we’d extend the request to the other side. One of us would say, “If you get there first, tell them hello for me.” And I would often add, “Please give Ray a big hug!” envisioning the enthusiastic embrace she gave my gone-too-young husband shortly after we were married.
As I recounted earlier this week in “Either Way, It Hurts,” we didn’t have many coherent conversations with Mom after the surgery to repair her broken hip. Hallucinations hounded her. She repeatedly referred to her nurses by my daughters’ names and mistook my son-in-law for one of her late brothers-in-law. One of her sweeter scenarios found us taking care of a baby. Though she referenced playing peek-a-boo with great-granddaughter Emma, I couldn’t help but wonder if the infant she was tending wasn’t my little sister, who died 60 years ago.
Nearly constant fidgeting accompanied Mom’s imaginings, so I spent most of my visits standing at her bedside. I held her hands and stroked her head and arms in an attempt to calm her mind and body. Sometimes I played hymns on my phone or sang. Other times I recited Scripture and prayed.
One afternoon, as I tried to soothe her, Mom’s gaze shifted to something beyond me. She became quiet and smiled several times as a look of joy and wonder transformed her countenance. I asked her what she saw.
Instead of responding to me, she marveled, “Well, is that Ray?”
Another big smile. Mom turned her eyes slightly as if surveying a room and exclaimed, “There you all are! Do you remember me? It’s been a long time!”
I thought the Lord was about to call Mom Home and had assembled a group of relatives to welcome her, but the moments of calm passed, replaced all-too-soon by agitation that would continue to plague Mom’s final days.
Though I spent numerous hours at the hospital, I didn’t have the emotional or physical stamina to be there 24/7. My daughters and son-in-law took turns visiting, singing, and soothing, but still, there were times when no family members were with Mom, only her dedicated caregivers. I fretted she might be alone if the Lord did call her Home.
The palliative care doctor attempted to alleviate my concerns. “Don’t feel guilty if you’re not here when your mother passes. I’ve seen instances where family members have kept bedside vigils for hours, step out of the room for a few minutes, and find their loved one is gone when they return.”
I consoled myself with Dr. Gordon’s words, knowing friends who’d experienced the sequence of events she described. I also knew God would never leave or forsake Mom in this life or the next.
And then He graciously gave me the gift of witnessing that brief respite, filled with wonder and joy and recognition, which buoyed my hope that Mom would be surrounded by loved ones even if we weren’t there when she entered the company of her Savior.
LIFE-GIVING ENCOURAGEMENT
My concerns were unfounded, as they often are. In His exceeding kindness, God made it possible for all of us – Dad, daughters Mary and Jessie, son-in-law Justin, our pastor, and me – to be with Mom in her final hour on this earth.
By the time we arrived, Mom was drawing ever closer to her heavenly rest. Her breathing was shallow, and she didn’t respond to our expressions of love or our whispered prayers and hushed goodbyes. Nonetheless, I prayed God would enable her to know we were there.
I began to sing our family anthem, “Amazing Grace,” a song I’ve sung in church services, at funerals, and even as lullabies to my daughters and grandchildren, always finding great comfort in its lyrics. I fully expected my voice to falter before I got to the second stanza. Instead, it grew steadier, as a strength not my own carried me to the very last word of the final verse. By then, Mom had drawn her last breath and peacefully entered into the presence of Jesus. I imagined my voice blending with a heavenly chorus as Mom’s faith became sight.
I also pictured the loved ones there to greet her. Then, much like her gaze focused beyond me the afternoon she initially saw them, I fancied her being captivated by her first glimpse of Jesus, His arms open wide to receive her, another saint safely Home.
And I like to think she gave Ray that hug.
PRAYER
Lord, there are many things we don’t know about heaven, but Your Word assures us that those who believe in You will never die. We’ll be with You and all those who belong to You in the new Jerusalem, a place of unimaginable beauty and blessings, where there will be no more tears or pain or death.
More free resources for help, hope, & healing:
Ask Dr. Betters is a topical series of over 400 videos that have reached over 1 ½ million views. Dr. Chuck F. Betters answers questions submitted by our listening audience on suffering and the sovereignty of God. This week’s featured question is: Is it wrong to keep the memories of a loved one?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Patsy Kuipers often refers to herself as “Gardening Grammie,” a title encompassing two of her favorite pastimes. Widowed at age 38, she was blessed to be gainfully employed for all the years she spent raising two daughters on her own. When her job was eliminated several years ago, she returned to school to study horticulture, a passion born of caring for the garden her husband left as part of his legacy. Patsy is Grammie to three young but enthusiastic garden helpers. She enjoys teaching them about plants and the One who created them. She is a member of Grace Covenant Church in Dallas, GA where she serves on the Women’s Ministry Committee and leads women’s Bible studies. Patsy started her blog, Back 2 the Garden (patsykuipers.com), to tell others of God’s great love and faithfulness. In 2020, she realized a long-time dream when she compiled some of the lessons she’s learned in her garden into a book, “Be Still, Quiet Moments With God in My Garden.”
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Originally published Friday, 17 November 2023.
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