What About Me?
Carla Miller, Guest Writer
TODAY’S TREASURE
"…offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God." Romans 12:12b NIV
When my mentally compromised loved one demands so much of my attention, energy, and effort, I need to take care of myself. This is not selfishness; this is survival. I want to be around for a long time caring for Gregg in the best possible way I can.
It’s hard to find a clear Biblical directive to care for yourself, but it is implied in several places. Today’s Treasure says to “…offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God...” Anything we offer to God should be the best that we have, our “first fruits” 1 Corinthians 15:20, including ourselves. We are stewards or caretakers of our body, the temple of God, the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). In I Timothy 4:8, some value is attributed to physical training, although spiritual training is the highest priority. And the well-known verse, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself,” from Mark 12:31, requires us to love ourselves well because that is the standard by which we love others.
My self-care includes asking for help, support, and prayer from friends and family. In the vulnerability of exposing your need, you demonstrate trust in the other individual and open up the lines of communication. Plus, you are allowing someone else to receive a blessing by blessing you!
I make it part of my morning routine to read the Word daily and ask the Holy Spirit to give me strength, patience, wisdom, and an abundance of kindness. I read books about dementia and learned about practical ways to view it and live in it. I intentionally build old and new relationships by texting, phoning, and inviting friends out for coffee or a meal. Sometimes, we walk together and attend community events. I attend a monthly caregiver support group, a place to express my needs and concerns and bounce ideas off others who are dealing with similar situations, some earlier in the journey and some much further along.
As an introvert, I relish alone time to recharge. Caring for Gregg is somewhat like the responsibility of a small child, and this level of care will only increase. I take breaks by attending Bible studies, visiting my children and grandchildren, and elongating my errands with a stop by a pretty lake or to sip a hot beverage.
There is a fine line between being considerate of Gregg’s feelings and my own. It is counterproductive to “stuff” my feelings because they build up, spill out, and make a real mess. I also do not want to blame Gregg for actions beyond his control. At this point, I can calmly explain to Gregg why I am getting upset, and he recognizes and sympathizes that I, too, am affected by his cognitive decline. We have been able to act silly together and laugh at many of the situations we find ourselves in. But the day will probably come when he will not understand, the conversation will be pointless, and the laughter misunderstood. I am monitoring the strain and drain of caregiving as Gregg declines and periodically check in with my close friends and family to get their perspective on how I am handling it all. I vent to my children and a couple of good friends who will listen compassionately without judgment or unsolicited advice.
LIFE-GIVING ENCOURAGEMENT
The Bible assumes that taking care of ourselves is important. Jesus thought the physical, mental, psychological, and mental needs of people were important enough to care about and meet through his miraculous power. If Jesus used his “out-of-this-world” power to meet people’s needs, shouldn’t we at least employ the ordinary means at our disposal to care for our mind and body as well as our spirit and our soul? If we are healthy, rested, energized, strong, and alert, we can better fulfill His purpose for our life! The task of caregiving is not a small, insignificant commitment; it takes up a majority of your time, energy, thought, and effort. “For which of you, desiring to build a tower (or take care of a loved one - Miller Version), does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?” Luke 14: 28 ESV. Count the cost of caregiving and prepare yourself regularly and well.
PRAYER
Lord Jesus, You came to earth and walked here for 33 years. You experienced all the limitations of being a human being, including being tired, hungry, angry, depleted, and sad. Help me remember that being human has limits and requires care, thought, and attention. I want this body and mind that houses Your Holy Spirit to be in tip-top working order so that I may live a long life and serve others with energy and a good attitude.
More free resources for help, hope, & healing:
Ask Dr. Betters is a topical series of over 400 videos that have reached over 1 ½ million views. Dr. Chuck F. Betters answers questions submitted by our listening audience on suffering and the sovereignty of God. This week’s featured question is: Does everyone, Christian and non-Christian, stand before God?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Carla (Hannuksela) Miller is a wife, mother of four, and grandmother of eight. She retired from teaching children with autism but still loves learning, writing, and reading. Her husband Gregg was a youth pastor, associate pastor, and senior pastor with over 40 years of church ministry. She is discovering new paths to explore in their beautiful state, attacking crossword puzzles, and relishing time with her family.
For more from Daily Treasure please visit MARKINC.ORG.
Originally published Friday, 24 November 2023.
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