Broken Crayons Still Create Masterpieces
Café Menu for Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Today’s Special is: Finding Beauty Within The Battle
Carefully prepared just for you by your friend, Aj Luck
Main Ingredient:
For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:10 ESV
Entrée:
I was sixteen years old when I was handed my first prescription for an anti-depressant. I was “diagnosed” as a Crying Clown. The psychologist said that even though I smiled and appeared happy on the outside, on the inside I was drowning in sadness.
I left his office feeling not only angry but also defeated. I had only talked to him a few times. How could he lay such a diagnosis on me? There was no way he was right, was he?
His words have haunted me most of my life. I’ve always felt like a misfit, now I was going to be a medicated misfit?? NO. Absolutely not! I mean medication was for broken people.
I wasn’t broken, was I?
Several years later, I began pouring out to God in my journals and begging Him to take my depression from me. I didn’t understand why I was struggling with it so terribly. I tried to pray it away, ignore it, will myself to be happy, and lastly, tried nearly every anti-depressant on the market. NOTHING WORKED!
I felt as if God was angry at me. Was He punishing me?
Last year, I began writing my memoir, preparing it for publication. During the writing process I started meeting with a counselor. She and I had several conversations about my struggle with depression. I told her that my depression made me feel worthless and broken.
Then she said these words to me:
You need to realize that your depression is a gift and not a burden.
I laughed out loud, but remained seated. I HAD to hear her explanation.
When you are depressed, it’s during this time that you draw the closest to God. You have nothing else to turn to. Learn to embrace this and allow God to use this depression to draw you closer to Him.
It was hard to believe that depression was a gift, but then I looked at some of the great people from the Bible. David, who was known to be a man after God’s own heart, struggled horribly with depression and low self-esteem; yet, despite that, He did great things for God and with God. Together they changed history.
Maybedepression isn’t such a bad thing after all…
Take Out:
If you find yourself struggling with depression, stop and remember these few things:
· The thing that is causing you depression or anxiety, you probably won’t even remember a year from now.
· God has not left you. He is WITH you and He will not leave your side. Talk to Him.
· If you find it too difficult to pray, then write letters to God in a notebook. Be honest. Raw. Transparent. Remember, He is your Secret Keeper. Surrender your worries and anxieties to Him.
· Most importantly, remember this: Just because you struggle with depression does NOT mean you are broken or worthless. There is beauty inside each struggle we face. Just look at the caterpillar and the butterfly.
Dessert:
Dear Jesus, Thank You for loving us so unconditionally. Today my heart seems heavy and I’m struggling with believing that I have purpose. I’m feeling overwhelmed to the point where I feel as if I’m shutting down.
Jesus, I ask that You would strengthen me where I feel weak. Whisper words of confidence and courage deep into my soul. Enable me to do what You have called me to do. Show me the beauty within this struggle that You see. Show me Your Heart and Your Purposes. Open my eyes to see the beauty within this struggle. Give me the ability to surrender the struggle completely to You and trust You with the outcome.
You created me. You know me better than I know myself. You know my weaknesses and my capabilities. Thank You for Your Strength, Love, Wisdom and Peace during this time of my life.
Amen.
© 2015 by Aj Luck. All rights reserved.
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Originally published Wednesday, 16 September 2015.
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