You Might Be a Housewife if . . .
By Annah Matthews
O my soul, why be so gloomy and discouraged? Trust in God! I shall again praise him for his wondrous help; he will make me smile again, for he is my God! Psalm 43:5 TLB
My three children have proven to me over and over again that I really have no clue what I am doing but I am humbled and blessed to be called their mama. They are great kids and I have learned the keys to a happy family are keeping life in perspective and lots of laughter.
We all laugh at ourselves on a regular basis and we refuse to take life so seriously all the time. Being a full-time stay-at-home mom is less than glamorous and I've still not heard, "Good job Mama. Keep up the hard work!" but it has given me some great perspective (and material) on my life.
I bet you’ll find yourself feeling not quite so cra-zay after reading this list compiled from my actual life. So here it goes.
You might be a housewife if . . .
Your lunch today consisted of PB & J crust, a half-eaten banana, and four pieces of Halloween candy from your kids bucket.
The first time in 13 days you have been in your car without a child in the backseat, is celebrated by rolling down all the windows and blaring the classic rock station as loud as possible. (I instantly revert back to age 18 when singing my high school top ten!)
You post a status update about your washer and dryer. (seriously... who does that?)
You hear your friends talking about the latest reality TV show and you think that the latest Yo Gabba Gabba episode had a really cool music video about brushing your teeth.
Your first girls’ night out in four months involves a cup of Starbucks and grocery shopping with your girlfriend during double coupon week.
You can simultaneously nurse the baby, sauté a chicken, and call out words for tomorrow’s 2nd grade spelling test and really never consider how crazy that must look to an outsider.
You thank God that there is no laundry in heaven!
Your husband tells you that you smell so good and asks you what kind of perfume you are wearing. You smile at him and say, “I took a shower.”
Your happy hour is when the kids all take a nap at the same time.
You hear yourself answering other children's call for "Moooommmm" when you are in the grocery store.
A mini-vacay? Going to Target by yourself.
That ridiculous song about a fish that your kid learned at preschool is stuck in your head at 3:30 in the morning and you can't. make. it. stop.
Your head is about to spin around like the crazy person on the Exorcist if you ask them one more time to get on their shoes so we can leave.
You had no idea that the deep breathing exercises you learned in childbirth class were also meant to get you through the next 21 years. (in, out, focus on your happy place, breathe)
You wonder when lawmakers will figure out that having children under age 10 in your car IS distracted driving.
You haven't been to the bathroom by yourself in 8 years.
Your husband is in the same room yet your children search all over the house so they can find you talking on the phone and ask if you remembered to put salt on their french fries.
When people ask you what you did all day, you grit your teeth, say a prayer, smile and say, “Nothing much really.”
I'd love to hear what you would add to this list. In the words of Patsy Clairmont, “Normal is just a setting on the dryer.”
Thank You God for the gift of laughter. Help us to keep life in perspective and allow us the joy to find humor and laughter in the daily tasks of life. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.
© 2018 by Annah Matthews. All rights reserved.
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Originally published Tuesday, 31 October 2023.
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