Three Characteristics of a United Marriage
REBEKAH AND GABE LYONS
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“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds …” Hebrews 10:24 (NIV)
Creating a marriage that embodies a true partnership takes dedication and intentionality. To neglect the effort required can be disastrous. The enemy of best can be as subtle as compromising for what seems good.
As we've supported each other in our marriage and counseled other couples over the years, we've identified three characteristics of united marriages, each of which is anchored by this verse: “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24, emphases added).
The Greek word translated as “consider” in Hebrews 10:24 is katanoeo. It means to pay attention, notice or observe. To consider is no small thing; it requires devoted time, focus and care. To “spur on” means to engage, encourage, plan and remove obstacles. “Love and good deeds,” then, become the execution of a harmonious and shared vision.
1. Spouses in a united marriage consider each other’s gifts. We ask questions and imagine possibilities beyond what our spouse might consider for themselves. Partnership requires reciprocity, which means each spouse is willing to sacrifice their own priorities to benefit their mate. United couples are unselfish and passionate in their desire to cultivate each other’s gifts.
2. Spouses in a united marriage activate and engage by spurring each other on. None of us does well alone. When self-doubt kicks in and we ask ourselves, Do I have what it takes? our spouse can respond with love and affirmation, recognizing the ways we make an impact. In conversations with friends, a “spurring” spouse brags about our latest project or venture and celebrates our wins.
3. Spouses in a united marriage live a shared vision of love and good deeds. Discerning God’s bigger vision for our marriage requires time, investigation and prayer. Spouses can ask, “What love and good deeds has God set out for us to accomplish together? If we could do anything together to make the world a better place, what would it be?” We contemplate how God may want to use us as a couple — even as a family — to bring His healing and peace to the world.
If you’re in a demanding season and a deeper dive into God’s calling feels overwhelming right now, take the pressure off. Focus only on the “little things.” As we are reminded in Luke 16:10, “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities” (NLT). God calls you every day, right where you are.
Dear heavenly Father, please help us to cultivate true unity in our marriages. Help us to devote time, attention and brainpower to pursuing our spouse intentionally, spurring them on for good. We pray our marriages glorify You and point others to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
OUR FAVORITE THINGS
To discover biblical wisdom and encouragement as well as practical guidance that will give you the confidence to cultivate the happy and healthy marriage you long for, grab a copy of Rebekah and Gabe Lyons’ new book, The Fight for Us: Overcome What Divides to Build a Marriage That Thrives.
ENGAGE
Connect with Rebekah Lyons on her website and Instagram and with Gabe Lyons on Instagram.
Enter to WIN your very own copy of The Fight for Us by Rebekah and Gabe Lyons. To celebrate this book, their publisher will give away 5 copies! Enter to win by filling out the form here. {We’ll randomly select 5 winners and notify them via email by Monday, April 28, 2025.}
FOR DEEPER STUDY
Ephesians 4:1-3, “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (ESV).
On a scale of 1-10, how would you assess the degree to which you and your spouse are operating as partners (versus individuals) in your marriage? Discuss with your spouse, and pray together about it.
In a united marriage, couples contemplate God’s bigger vision for their marriage. What experiences have you had in pursuing love and good deeds together? What dreams — big or small — do you have for your shared calling? Share with us in the comments!
© 2025 by Rebekah and Gabe Lyons. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries
P.O. Box 3189
Matthews, NC 28106
www.Proverbs31.org
Originally published Monday, 21 April 2025.
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