Breaking the Patterns That Break Us
TORI HOPE PETERSEN
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“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31 (NIV)
Many of us have had patterns of dysfunction to some degree handed down to us. Maybe one of your parents was an alcoholic. Maybe your grandmother spoke harsh words to your mother, and now your mother speaks to you the same way.
That was my case: Harsh words were passed down and spoken over me. Even when I decided that pattern would stop with me and I committed to speaking life over my children, the words still bled into thought patterns I couldn’t seem to control.
I would think to myself:
I am unlovable.
I am not good enough.
I don’t belong.
These thought patterns would flood my mind like a hurricane, causing me to sink into self-hatred. I thought maybe this was a form of humility. But a mentor wisely told me, “Humility is simply agreeing with who God says you are. Nothing more and nothing less.” Her words helped me understand that God doesn’t hate me, so He wouldn’t want me to hate myself.
When God made humans, He called us good (Genesis 1:31), and in agreement with who He says we are, we can declare that surely God did a good job making us. Humility is not self-hatred. Sometimes we may confuse the two, especially if we grew up in homes where love was not freely given, but God has declared through His love for us that we are indeed lovable.
Mark 12:30-31 says, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
For some of us, loving others comes naturally. We can speak encouragement over others. We can offer a friend a gift and spend time caring for family, but we would never consider doing the same for ourselves. Yet in this scripture, we see that just as God loves us and calls us to love our neighbors, loving ourselves is also an assumed part of His command.
For years, I’ve mentored youths who’ve grown up in hard situations. I’ve told them that they’re worthy of God’s love and that they should believe God has good things for them. However, after saying it so many times, I realized that though I believed God’s love to be true for everyone else, I never believed it for myself.
Friend, God’s love, which is accessible to everyone, is as readily available to you. I invite you to believe that the worthiness you offer others, God also generously offers you.
Thoughts of self-hatred can break us, but thoughts of loving who God has created us to be can heal us.
Heavenly Father, with You, I break the chains of any generational strongholds and self-hatred, and I accept the love You have offered to me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
OUR FAVORITE THINGS
If you are seeking healing, Tori’s new book, Breaking the Patterns That Break You, addresses 14 lies that subtly control our lives, and she replaces those lies with compassionate truth.
ENGAGE
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FOR DEEPER STUDY
Genesis 1:31a, “God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good and He validated it completely” (AMP).
Proverbs 19:8, “To acquire wisdom is to love yourself; people who cherish understanding will prosper.” (NLT)
How have your thought patterns affected your relational, behavioral or familial patterns?
What is a harmful thought pattern you can replace with truth to change your life for the better? Share with us in the comments!
© 2025 by Tori Hope Petersen. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries
P.O. Box 3189
Matthews, NC 28106
www.Proverbs31.org
Originally published Wednesday, 05 February 2025.
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