The Perfect Friend
MEGAN FATE MARSHMAN
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“We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19 (NIV)
For a long time, I assumed everyone else had the “friendship” thing figured out. I thought everybody had satisfying friendships and wondered how in the world I was missing out.
From time to time, I had good moments with people, but my problem was with maintaining good friendships.
I thought friendship started with meeting a “good fit” — a person who would show up when I needed her, love the Lord with all her heart, parent her children (who happened to be the same age as my children) in the same way I did, listen to my struggles compassionately, be vulnerable about her struggles (but need only, like, 15 minutes a week to get in all the relevant info), and be consistent in “just checking in.”
Guess what? I never found her.
But I did realize the freedom in focusing on being a good friend instead of searching for perfect friends. And that’s because I already have a perfect friend: Jesus. As 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because he first loved us.” In our relationship with Jesus, He lovingly pursued us first.
That’s not to say Jesus has to be our only Friend. He knows we also need deep, meaningful friendships with the people around us. But by extending His perfect friendship to us, He gives us the strength to love imperfect people.
Once we find true friendship with God, we find not only the most essential relationship we need but also a model for how to be a friend to others. In Luke 6:31, Jesus said, “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (NIV). His words here are so practical. What do you wish someone would do for you? Do that for someone else.
There are fun ways to live this out. Do you wish someone would drop off a coffee for you at work? Drive right now and pick up one for them. Do you want someone to check in on you? Shoot a text to someone else. Do you wish someone would follow up on whatever you discussed last week? Try to remember what someone else talked about last week and follow up with them about it.
Like any good friend, Jesus doesn’t hold back the advice we need to hear. About friendship, I hear His Word saying something like this: Once you discover the riches of friendship with Christ, focus on being a friend instead of trying to find another perfect one.
So where do we begin? Well, maybe just think of one friend. What do you wish they would do for you? Now follow Jesus’ advice and example: Go first!
Dear Jesus, You’ve given me the perfect friend: Yourself. Thank You for the grace that makes our friendship possible. Through our friendship, help me extend gracious friendship to others. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
OUR FAVORITE THINGS
We all have areas where we need to trust the Lord more, but it’s not always easy to know where to start. Thankfully, trusting God more begins right where you’re at, even as you read these words. No matter where you are in your own journey, we’d like to invite you to join us this February as we dive into Megan Fate Marshman’s new book, Relaxed: Walking with the One Who Is Not Worried about a Thing, with Circle 31 Book Club. Together, we’ll discover that God is in control and knows what He is doing, even in our grief, financial stress, mistakes and fatigue. Become a member of Circle 31 Book Club.
ENGAGE
You can find out more about Megan Fate Marshman by visiting meganfate.com or by following her on Instagram @meganfate.
FOR DEEPER STUDY
Matthew 7:12, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets” (NIV).
Matthew 22:37-39, “Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself”’” (NIV).
Why would someone be hesitant to “go first” in their friendships? Do you feel hesitant or resistant to being the one to “go first”?
How does knowing that Jesus will always be your friend shift the way you approach others in friendship? Share with us in the comments!
© 2025 by Megan Fate Marshman. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries
P.O. Box 3189
Matthews, NC 28106
www.Proverbs31.org
Originally published Friday, 17 January 2025.
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