December 17, 2010
Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti
Pam Farrel
We hope you are enjoying the Girlfriends in God daily devotions. We (Mary, Sharon, and Gwen) would like to introduce you to some of our special friends. From time-to-time, the Friday devotions will be written by one of our friends in ministry. We call them our "Friday Friends." So grab your Bible and a fresh cup of coffee and drink in the words from our "Friday Friend",
Pam Farrel.
Today's Truth
"Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God" Romans 15:7.
Friend to Friend
Why is communication with the opposite gender so difficult? Because Men are like Waffles, and Women are Like Spaghetti. That's our way of explaining Genesis 1:27:
"So God created man in his own image, . . . male and female he created them."
So how can we understand how God created the opposite gender? Men are like waffles. Men process life in boxes. If you look down at a waffle, you see a collection of boxes separated by walls. That is typically how a man processes life. Their thinking is divided up into boxes that have room for one issue and one issue only. The first issue of life goes in the first box, the second goes in the second box and so on. The typical man then spends time in one box at a time and one box only. When a man is at work, he is at work. When he is in the garage tinkering around, he is in the garage tinkering. When he is watching TV, he is WATCHING TV! Social scientists call this "compartmentalizing."
As a result of thinking through life in boxes, men are natural problem solvers. They enter a box, size up the "problem" that exists and formulates a solution. A man strategically organizes his life in boxes and then spends most of his time in the boxes he can succeed in. And when he brings up a subject to talk about, he actually thinks it is that subject you will be discussing. He likes to stay "in the box."
In contrast to men's waffle-like approach, women process life more like a plate of spaghetti. If you look at a plate of spaghetti, you notice that there are individual noodles that all touch one another. If you attempted to follow one noodle around the plate, you would intersect a lot of other noodles and you might even switch to another noodle seamlessly. That is how women face life. This is why women are typically better at multi-tasking than men. You can talk on the phone, prepare a meal, make a shopping list, work on the planning for tomorrow's business meeting, give instructions to your children as they are going out to play and close the door with your foot without skipping a beat!
As a result, most women are in a pursuit of connecting life together so they solve problems by talking things through. This creates significant stress for couples because while she is making all the connections, he is frantically jumping boxes trying to keep up with the conversation! The man's eyes are rolling back in his head while the tidal wave of information is swallowing him up. When she is done, she feels better and he is overwhelmed. The conversation might look something like this:
Honey, I was driving by your favorite truck store yesterday, you know the one where you got the cup holder? Right by your truck store is my favorite dress store, and there is the cutest suit in the window. It's my color, you know I went to that seminar on colors and I found out I was a "winter" so I knew if I got this suit you would say, "Oh Baby!" and I love that! You know the suit reminded me of the one Mrs. Clinton wore for that press conference a few years ago. You know when she was talking about Eleanor Roosevelt talking to her? I wanted to say, "Hillary, Eleanor is dead!" That's so weird, thinking you are hearing from a dead person. Kind of like that new age stuff I have been hearing is in the schools. What if our kids get some of that in the classroom? I think we should stop and pray for the kids.
He has been frantically jumping boxes, trying to keep up, and wondering, "Where is this conversation going?" And while you think he is praying he is really asking, "So what about my truck?"
Today, express your appreciation to your "waffleman" (your husband, son, dad, brother, or male co-worker) and his compartmentalizing, problem-solving DNA. Look for the upside of the male gender as you interact.
Let's Pray
Lord, the men in my life are so different than I am. Please help me value, appreciate and compliment the guys in my world today. Help me see them from Your perspective not mine.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
Now It's Your Turn
The question I am asked most often as I speak for women's conferences is, "How can I get the man in my life to open up to me?" So whether it is your spouse, your son, your dad, brother or friend, keep these things in mind as you seek to emotionally connect:
· Men like to spend time in "boxes" where they feel successful and comfortable.
· Men are more likely to open up and share when they are in these comfortable "boxes."
· Men are slower to reveal themselves and share emotionally than we are.
· Stay on subject or "in the box" he is interested in talking about.
· The best way to get a man to open up is to go into his favorite "box" (join him in what he loves best) and be a good listener.
More from the Girlfriends
My husband likes to quote his favorite "philosopher" when speaking on gender differences: Rocky Balboa of the Rocky movie. When asked by Adrian's brother, "What you doin' with my sister?" Rocky replied, "I got gaps, she got gaps, we fill each other's gaps." Men are like Waffles, and Women are Like Spaghetti --those differences can work for us!
Today, make an effort to look at the positive side of the opposite gender of your husband, son, dad, brother, friends and co-workers. When he brings up a subject to talk about, today, just try it - talk about THAT subject - stay in the box! To learn more ways to value the "waffle" in your life, order Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti at www.billandpam.org.
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Originally published Friday, 17 December 2010.
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