"This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all." 1 John 1:5 (NIV)
You'd never know it now, but I grew up as a hard-core tom boy. Before the age of ten, you could find me shooting bows, looking for snake skins, and fishing with my dad. With our matching camouflage outfits, we were two peas in a pod, the best of friends, a daughter with her father. It's no surprise that it was my dad who introduced me to Jesus when I was 8 years old.
When I turned 12, however, things changed. I no longer wanted to be a tom boy but a girly girl. My mom and I grew closer while Dad and I grew further apart. We still got along for the most part, but something was different. I was too young to understand at the time, but mental health problems rippled through my family, threatening to destroy everyone they came in contact with.
By the time I was 14, my dad was placed on disability. He'd had numerous unsuccessful hernia surgeries that left him weary, wounded, and broken. Almost overnight, his personality and our relationship changed. Simultaneously, I clung to a rigid and destructive eating disorder and addiction to exercise. My family was crumbling, and this was a mess I couldn't control. We both hid in the shadows, clutching what we thought would eventually dissipate. Scripture reminds us the things we keep hidden will eventually be brought to light:
"For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all." Luke 8:17 (NLT)
"Everything that is hidden will be made clear and every secret thing will be made known." Mark 4:22 (NKJV)
"Everything they do—even if they think they are hiding behind closed doors—will come to light. All their secrets will eventually be made known." Matthew 10:26 (VOICE paraphrase)
Trauma will make you do crazy things. Things you don't understand until many years later. Things you don't understand until you unpack them.
Before you know it, you're walking with your head hung low. Your feet barely shuffle as every step feels like a deadweight dragged across the floor. Shame riddles your heart, and those thoughts and actions you think are hidden remain silent behind zipped lips and closed doors. But friend, God isn't ashamed of you, no matter how far you've fallen. And He desires to hear from you.
Into young adulthood, my relationship with my dad felt rocky. I walked on eggshells most, if not all, days and often waited for landmines to explode. Today, my husband and I are on a journey of healing this relationship with my earthly father. After getting married and moving out, time and space have been like soothing honey to my wounds. Yet, I still long to patch our relationship. I long to heal and restore what once was.
Many individuals who don't have a great relationship with their earthly dad struggle to see and perceive their relationship with our Heavenly Father correctly. Sociologists and psychologists alike report that if your dad was kind, caring, loving, and patient growing up, you believe God to embody those same characteristics. But if you grew up with a father who was unkind, hateful, impatient, or verbally abusive, you're likely to see God the same way.
Friday evening, I had the opportunity to see Brandon Lake and Phil Wickham in concert. Both Brandon and Phil are young fathers. Brandon has three boys, and Phil is the father of three girls and one boy. Before singing the Love of God, Brandon offered a beautiful illustration of this father-child relationship.
Imagine you're five years old, and you've just eaten the piece of chocolate your dad told you not to eat. You try to hide the mistake, but the chocolate crumbs on your lips indicate otherwise. Your dad notices you licking your lips, but you turn around, wipe your mouth, and run the other way.
"I can't imagine my children being too ashamed to come to me with their mistakes and hardships," said Brandon.
Though the love he shows his three boys pales in comparison to the love God has for us, it got me thinking about my relationship with my dad here on Earth and in heaven.
Friend, God wants you to come to Him. Even if you've sinned, fallen, or messed up. He wants you to come to Him when everything is perfect and when nothing is right in this world. When you have the perfect family and relationships, and when you don't.
To those of you wrestling in the darkness, know that healing can't come until you bring those things to the light. Temporarily, the darkness seems safe, appropriate, and better, but it isn't. Darkness grows mold, decay, and all things evil. But the light brings forth true, growth, and abundance.
If you struggle with your relationship with God because of your relationship with your earthly father, I want you to know you're not alone. God is not ashamed of you. He sees you, hears your prayers, and desires to bring hope, healing, and restoration to both. But He loves you too much to leave you in the darkness of despair. Today, may He fill you with grace, peace, and love. May He show you who He really is, and may you come to know the fullness of love He has for you.
Let's Pray:
Father, may we throw off the shame, darkness, and embarrassment that keep us from running to you. May we boldly accept the truth that you are our good, good Father and will never turn us away. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Agape, Amber
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Photoboyko
Related Resource: Jesus Calling - Stories of Faith
Kerry Washington, Andrea Bocelli, Reba McEntire, Mark Wahlberg, Tony Dungy, and Matthew McConaughey—what do all of these people have in common? They are all people of faith who have leaned on God in both the good and challenging times—and they’ve shown up to tell their stories of faith on The Jesus Calling Podcast. The Jesus Calling Podcast provides a place for people from all walks of life to share the heartaches, joys, and divine moments that keep them going.
Inspired by Sarah Young's classic devotional book, the Jesus Calling podcast has brought encouragement and peace to millions. New episodes drop every Thursday! Listen today on LifeAudio.com or wherever you find your podcasts.
Originally published Friday, 09 August 2024.
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