“An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin.” Proverbs 29:22
Have you ever heard the term, “you marry the family?”
When my spouse and I were dating, our stark differences in personalities caused a lot of people to question our compatibility. Friends who knew our families were surprised when we announced our engagement, curious about how our family dynamics would play out in our marriage.
At our core, my husband and I have similar upbringings. We both grew up with loving parents in Christian homes, surrounded by family members who were present and active in our lives. Our families wanted to honor the Lord, love people, and bring God glory. But the way and how we went about achieving these goals were different.
When two people marry, there’s already a learning curve of dealing with another human being, but for most of us, there’s an additional dynamic: our in-laws. Even in the best circumstances, family dynamics are challenging, period. Throw in extended family members, new additions, and holidays; whew, it can get intense. But it doesn't have to be that way.
I am nearing my forties, and graciously, the Lord has worked to soften my heart, lower my defenses, toughen my skin, and, most importantly, learn when to keep my mouth shut and let things go. But family has a way of bringing out the worst in us, doesn’t it? Can you relate to one of these situations?
You’ve promised to take your Uncle’s constant chatter about the upcoming election in stride, but when he questions where you will cast your ballot, you lose your cool.
You’ve shared with your mom that you prefer that she not sneak the kid's dessert before they eat their meal, yet after the second consumed brownie, you snap at her, unleashing some unkind words.
You signed up to bring the macaroni and cheese. Yes, it’s store-bought, but it tastes good. When you see that your sister-in-law places her homemade side dish next to yours, sharing that it’s homemade, you feel the need to defend and justify yourself.
Yes, families know how to push our buttons, sometimes intentionally, but more often than not, it’s just the reality of dealing with people. I am not suggesting that we ignore entirely blatant disregard of preferences or look past a particular rude or condescending mark.
However, what if this holiday season, instead of assuming the worst or engaging in an argument, no matter how justified, for the sake of peace, we just let it go? Isn’t one day of holding our tongues worth a potential life-long fallout with our families?
In our key verse, losing our cool typically doesn’t stop at one offense but leads to multiple sins against others. Proverbs 29:23 goes on to tell us that our temper leads us to pride, which will ultimately lead to our destruction. But, those willing to humble themselves can prevent a host of hurt.
Understand that as I encourage you, I struggle to offer these words of admonishment, knowing that they preach easily but are hard to practice. I never want to feel misunderstood, slighted, or that my opinions and preferences aren’t as valued as someone else. Yet, when we look to our ultimate example, Jesus, the world's Savior, that’s precisely what He experienced (Philippians 2:5-7).
When put on the mindset of Christ, thinking more of others than ourselves, we find it easier to let go of offenses, forgive quickly, and keep the peace at whatever costs. Knowing that, for example, Jesus paid the ultimate price for us, in humbling himself unto death on a cross, so that we can have eternal life ( Philippians 2:8).
Heavenly Father, thank you for the gift of family. We ask that you equip us with hearts and minds of humility, kindness, and love as we gather with our families this holiday. Help us to have the same mindset as Christ, looking out for the interest of others over our own. We love you, Lord, amen.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/AntonioGuillem
She lives in Upstate South Carolina with her husband and three young girls, where she serves as director of women's ministries at her church. Her passion is teaching the Bible to women, equipping them to live with an eternal perspective. Invite Laura to speak at your next event or learn more: www.LauraRBailey.com
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Originally published Wednesday, 08 November 2023.
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