It was my own fault really. I wasn’t prepared. I went to Borders Book Store one night and bought the GRE prep book, and I read it and worked through it and practiced and memorized my math formulas and special triangles. I learned at least 100 new vocabulary words, and I thought I was ready; I mean, how hard could it be? Well, it’s not that it’s “hard” per se, but it was evil – pure evil. I know, I’m exaggerating, but the questions weren’t presented in nice little straightforward sentences. They were convoluted! For example, I had to know that a perfect triangle was a 3, 4, 5 – a right triangle - and that the total corner angle sum was 180 degrees – but that’s not all. None of those facts were the answer; it was just part of the information needed to solve the problem. You see, this little triangle was just one of the variables in the odd shaped shape for which I was to figure out the area. I even ended the last sentence with a preposition, which I know you aren’t supposed to do, but I did it, because by the time you get half way through the problems or barely to the end, you are so discombobulated, you’re dizzy! And of course, it’s a timed test, and it’s computerized, and each answer you give determines what type of next question you will receive. Oh, it’s horrible!
Oh, and the worst part is that you sit there for 3 hours, and yes, you do get two small breaks, but when it’s over, your score POPS UP, right in front of you. So, in your daze of confusion and exhaustion, you know right then and there if you got a high enough score to be a contender or NOT. I was a “NOT” the first time I took it, which is why I came home and fell right into bed. Thank God for my mom who was at my house that day to watch the kids when they got home from school, and thank God for my mom because I was able to lay in bed, after having eating too much chocolate, having a good cry, and falling into an oblivion of sleep.
My in-laws and my teenage sister-in-law were all living with us at the time as well because they were building a house, and the house they were renting sold half way through the building process. And I say that, only to say that more people than usual knew in an up close and personal way how I was handling life. I felt like a Loser on a stage in a bad play; but it wasn’t a play; it was my life.
So, I signed up for a KAPLAN course to prepare for the GRE, and I studied more effectively, and I called the University of Georgia Testing Center, and I scheduled and paid for another GRE so that I could apply to graduate school as a speech pathologist. I took the test for the second time, and I raised my math score by a couple hundred points. I didn’t hit a home run, but at least I put myself in a new category and maybe, just maybe I’d get in. I applied to Georgia State University’s Speech Pathology Program, and I applied to the University of Georgia’s Speech Pathology Program and I waited.
WHEN YOU FAIL
When you fail
You simply feel
Derailed
Like you were on a mission
And knew your destination
And then whamyou are hit
With flagrant
Irritation
It’s defeat with a capital
D
And a great big F
Gets stamped across your
Chest
And suddenly
Unfair
Has a painful sting
And leaves you bare
Barely – hanging on
And what do you do
After you cry & eat chocolate
And say That’s it
That’s the last time I try
Well, I’ll tell ya
You look to the sky
And grasp for the courage
To ask Why
And How do I do it different
Next time
What else can you do
Unless you choose to quit
And you know that’s not it
There’s more to learn
So what if you got burned
Would you rather stay
Safe
In this big life race
And never dare to try
Yes I know it’s better
To fly
Like an eagle
Out on the wind
Graceful and bold & brave
But you only end up an eagle
When you’ve craved – as a Seagull
To dare to be more
Inside
So again again… you try
Warrior Moms, when you feel that you have failed – choose to focus on your faith instead – it’s not based on feelings, it’s based on Grace.
Test me O LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.
Psalm 26:2-3
Kristina Seymour loves to encourage and equip women through the Word and through community. She is the author of The Warrior Mom Handbook, The Warrior Mom Leadership Manual, and The Warrior Wife Handbook; they are available at Amazon.com. Kristina's Bible studies are for women who desire to live by faith in the midst of their everyday lives. She has learned that women can't survive on caffeine and animal crackers alone; women in the Word and in community are united and able to stand firm. To learn more about Kristina, please visit her website, https://kristinaseymour.com/. God loves to share His story of love and grace through us all, and Kristina believes that everyone has a story to tell.
Originally published Tuesday, 15 January 2019.
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