I can see in Scripture where lashing out harshly at my son is sinful. I can see in Scripture where gossiping to a friend is sinful. But somehow, it is so much easier not to see my running disagreement with God over who I am to Him as sinful. While it may be easy to overlook this truth, not agreeing with His Word is the very essence of missing the mark in life. So how do we come to a place where we can see ourselves as God sees us, with so much at stake and so much against us?
Agreeing with God is the crux of most of our life’s wrestling. Do we agree with His Word, design, and heart for treating those who have hurt us? Do we agree with His Word and follow through on how we spend our money or time? The most basic way to describe spiritual growth is the process of evaluating each area of our lives as the Holy Spirit leads and then pursuing agreement and obedience to God’s Word in those issues of our life.
It’s one thing for us to consider the externals of our lives and how they reflect an agreement with God’s Word. It gets a little tougher when we start to take this line of thinking deep into the privacy of our souls. Consider how God wants us to forgive or let go of anger or how we might privately criticize someone contrary to God’s heart.
In my personal walk with the Lord, the deeper, “quieter” issues have made the most difference in experiencing the fullness of God’s promises. Learning to be content, not to compare what I have or don’t have with someone else, could be something we keep entirely private. No one has to know the thoughts we keep on those issues, yet it’s those types of personal matters that have been where the keys to my spiritual freedom laid. I haven’t found overwhelming peace because I learned to keep swear words out of conversations or even from balancing my finances with godly principles. The external habits of holiness have value and can keep our paths from trouble. But where I’ve found real growth, peace, and joy have been in the private soul spaces no one but God and I know about.
One of those private spaces has been a consistent personal battleground - the battle to agree with God’s Word about how I see myself.
God’s Word is full of truth about how He sees His people collectively and personally. From my experience, no other biblical truth is so constantly attacked as the identity Christ calls us to take into our hearts. The world, the flesh, and the Devil all seem to have a say in this battle for truth in our identity.
The world agrees with God’s Word that jealousy is a rather ugly thing. While the world throws opportunities to lust at us, it also speaks of the ills of objectifying people, and at the end of the day, it isn’t seen as a commendable value. Being greedy for money paints the picture of the archetypal Scrooge. We could go on and on down the list of things where the messaging from the world and Scripture might overlap a bit or even, at times, agree. Yet finding your identity in Christ is not one of them.
The enemy has poised a distinct effort behind dislodging people from understanding their identity as God would want for us. This may be because that one key factor holds so much power in our lives. Perhaps it is for a host of reasons. Regardless of why this space matters so much to the enemy of our souls, we are wise to make sure it also matters to us.
It has been easier for me to disregard the “how I see myself” issue as less important than other spiritual matters because, I rationalize internally, it only affects me. Yet how I talk about my appearance, performance, and the sense of what about me matters colors my son’s perspective about those issues for his own identity anchoring. Where I find my source of value affects why and how I serve at church. (Ever “served” because you were trying to prove your value to others or perhaps even to yourself? Yes, our righteous acts are like rags before the Lord! Isaiah 64:6)
How I root my identity impacts how I love my husband. (Ever taken an offense far too deeply because you let your husband’s affection or lack thereof reflect your value to you?) The way we anchor our identity bleeds into every aspect of our lives. This profoundly personal matter is perhaps the one that impacts our public lives more than any other after salvation. It doesn’t “just affect me.” It affects everything I do and everyone around me in some way or another.
It has also been easy for me to slide this matter to the periphery of my focus because it doesn’t “feel” like out and out sin. I can see in Scripture that not forgiving my husband is sinful. I can see in Scripture where lashing out harshly at my son is sinful. I can see in Scripture where gossiping to a friend is sinful. But somehow, it is so much easier not to see my running disagreement with God over who I am to Him as sinful. While it may be easy to overlook this truth, not agreeing with His Word is the very essence of missing the mark in life.
So how do we come to a place where we can see ourselves as God sees us, with so much at stake and so much against us?
Commit to agreeing with God and confess when you do not. Sometimes, this becomes a daily and even hourly task of confession, prayer, and Scripture anchoring. Other times, my heart rests in the truth of God’s Word more readily, and the process of clearing away my thoughts over God’s is less often required. Sometimes, my perspective is so entrenched I can’t do any more than tell God I know it’s wrong and ask Him to give me the grace to let it go. When we hold on to our feelings, our “truth,” instead of clinging to God’s, He doesn’t rip it from the hands of our heart; He waits for us to let it go. Sometimes, I’m not strong enough to let it go. But I have come to lean on His grace being stronger than the hold these perspectives have on us. So, confessing I want His truth over the specific untruth and asking for His help has been a regular, practical habit that has helped in this battle.
1. Plaster your world with truth.
I love sticky notes and Bible verse art to tuck God’s truth all around me. If there is a particular area of my identity I’m struggling to root in God’s Word, I’ll find verses to address it, write them on sticky notes, and then plaster them all around. If you’d like a good place to start with this, see the note at the end of this article to get a list of Bible verses.
2. Cut out the spiritual/emotional clutter.
If you are spending time on social media, TV, or whatever that is reinforcing ideas that feed lies about the source of your value and identity, get rid of those negative sources. It doesn’t do us much good to confess, pray, read Scripture, and then scroll through a social media feed filled with images or words that stand in direct contrast to all we’ve just tried to soak into our souls. This can be tricky sometimes. The amazing mom who seems to do it all on Instagram might not be a nineteen-year-old model, but the temptation to anchor your self-worth in your performance is present in both pictures of successful womanhood. Another note on clearing out the “soul clutter” is an encouragement to ask yourself the question, not “How bad is this” particular thing I am reading/watching/etc. But instead, ask yourself, “How close to Scripture is this?” When I have been fighting hard to keep my heart and mind agreeing with God’s Word, I have taken drastic measures at times to remove the influences in my life that didn’t agree with Him too.
3. Set boundaries.
If you have someone in your life who speaks against the truth of Scripture, limit the impact and investment you give to them. Sometimes, this is as simple as reducing time spent with a friend over coffee or on the phone. Sometimes, we are called to set those boundaries up in our hearts because perhaps we can’t currently limit time or access to them, but God simultaneously doesn’t call us to give credence to their words. Both types of boundaries can be very hard (and disappointing) to implement. Kids often don’t help parents anchor their worth in Christ, but parents are still called to parent their kids. Elderly family members that have mental lapses might spew hurtful words, yet dutiful care and affection are still required. Bosses can need major mental/spiritual boundaries. Hopefully, these boundaries are short-lived. God doesn’t call us to enable abusers, so please don’t misunderstand me. But there are seasons we are called to be patient in challenging relationships. At the end of the day, God calls us to captain our hearts, and we can’t allow anyone besides our Maker to define us. And who we set as God in our heart is the one who defines us, so we must be the ones to put God on the throne of our hearts and not the words of others.
4. Practice forgiveness.
Our hearts weren’t designed to hold on to pain. When someone hurts us, and we don’t forgive them, that pain settles into us and continues to break us beyond the initial offense. It can even creep into our sense of identity. Forgiveness is the emotional/spiritual tool God gave us to free our hearts from the hurts others have dealt us. When we have been deeply wounded or abused, we can feel like those things define us. God doesn’t want this for His children. The only tool I’ve found to begin healing these kinds of wounds is forgiveness.
For more resources to root your identity in Christ, see My Reflection in His Eyes (Bible study) and Daily His Delight(devotional). For a free list of Bible verses to root your identity in how God sees you, email info(at)MotlMinistries.com
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Milko
April Motl is a pastor’s wife, homeschool mom, and women’s ministry director. When she’s not waist-deep in the joys and jobs of motherhood, being a wife, and serving at church, she writes and teaches for women. You can find more encouraging resources from April at MotlMinistries.com and on Amazon.
