... over the years, I’ve learned that, for me, the space between “clean” and “spotless” is a lot of precious time I can never get back.
I remember well our first house as parents of a preschooler. The idea of a forever home excited me! We couldn’t wait to make it our own. My only hesitation about the home was the off-white carpet. When we moved into the freshly built house, the carpet had already been installed. The cost of getting new carpet seemed like a waste, so we decided to keep it. I didn’t predict the trouble that carpet would soon cause.
Parenting a four-year-old can be both rewarding and exhausting. Each day was filled with joy, adventure, and lots of messes. I simply could not keep the off-white carpet clean. Ever. I tried vacuuming it, ignoring it, throwing rugs over it—anything to cover up the multiplying stains.
Fed up and frustrated, we invested in a swanky new steam cleaner. I knew the pricey purchase would be my saving grace. One day I moved the furniture out of the way (all by myself, I might add) and began steaming. Three hours later, I stood before the cleanest, whitest carpet you ever saw! I deserved some sort of award—maybe a plaque that read, “Cleanest Carpet on the Block.” But in my moment of glory, I didn’t see what was about to happen.
My bored four-year-old was tired of the whole ordeal, so he wandered to the back door. Before I could shout the word stop, he opened the door and let Teddy, our muddy labradoodle, into the house. It was like someone flipped a switch. I went from basking in the glow of my accomplishment to completely losing my temper.
Within seconds, dirt tracks trailed across every inch of the floor. I chased the dog, which only made matters worse. I screamed at my son to go to his room. I was so angry about that stupid carpet! I’ll never forget the look of confusion on my little guy’s sweet face. Boy, I wish I could get a do-over for that epic mom-fail.
How Striving for a Spotless Home Takes Our Focus Away from What Is Important
Toiling daily to keep the carpet clean took a huge toll on the kind of mom and wife I wanted to be. I longed to keep an orderly home. To show that I could do all the things. In my mind, a messy house translated into a messy life—and I couldn’t have that.
I felt certain I could keep up with everything on my to-do list and have a spotless home to prove it. The day I spent hours steam-cleaning the carpet (twice) became a turning point for me. It was the day I learned having a spotless home isn’t so important, and here’s why:
Having a Spotless Home Places Emphasis on What Other People Think
The Oxford English dictionary defines hospitality as, “the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.” Sounds like something Jesus calls us to do. Yet somewhere along the way, I got lost in my pursuit of being hospitable.
I remember as a young mom wanting to invite friends over but worrying for days ahead of time over the condition of the house. What would they think? My husband would come home, and I’d put him to work helping to get it all done. The never-ending cycle of dirty bathrooms and dishes in the sink affected my mood. I thought a clutter-free home would make visitors feel more comfortable. I was completely wrong.
One day, a friend came over with her toddler. The two-year-old stumbled over to a table within reach and grabbed for a knick-knack. My friend intercepted her daughter’s hand and told her, “No.” She seemed anxious like she didn’t want her baby to make a mess or break anything. She appeared on edge in my home, but what I wanted was for my friend to feel at ease.
1 Peter 4:9 tells us, “Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay” (NLT). Peter encouraged the church with practical truth, giving them direction on how to demonstrate the love of Jesus to others. His words speak volumes about how people should feel when they come into our homes.
When we invite visitors over, we want them to feel relaxed. Wouldn’t we rather focus on our time together than on the condition of the house? By following Peter’s advice and cheerfully sharing our homes, we will be less concerned about what others think and more excited about their presence. Then we will realize a welcoming home is more important than a spotless home.
The Idea of a Spotless House Is Based on a Lie Instead of the Truth
Even more than the thought of having visitors in my home, I long to provide a comfortable place for my family. They are my people, after all. They deserve a safe space where they feel loved and secure. Okay, so I have to draw the line at empty water bottles everywhere. But in my pursuit of cleanliness, I believe balance is possible.
I love a good home renovation show. Seeing the project transform before my eyes in a short 45 minutes inspires me. Only, I get the false notion that investing more time, effort, and money into our home will provide the picture-perfect life I see on the screen. I forget that what we see in the show is far from the reality of our day-to-day lives.
Home improvement shows can be a good thing. They give us ideas, encourage creativity, and even offer a brief respite from the pile of laundry on the couch. But we need to be aware of how much of ourselves we are investing in the idea of perfection. Having a beautiful home is a fine goal, but we may be looking for beauty in the wrong place.
I often wonder what happens on those shows after the happy homeowners take the keys and the cameras leave. Do the kids grab markers and color on the furniture? Does grape juice get spilled on the countertops? Those moments are beautiful in their own way, and today, I’d much rather have a picture of my family laughing over life’s mishaps than a picture of a pristine living room.
Trying to Create a Spotless House Wastes Precious Time
When our kids are little, days can go on forever. We catch ourselves looking at the clock on those long afternoons and praying for enough energy to make it to bedtime. Then we hope with everything in our being that bedtime will come easy. But once the house empties, time becomes our most priceless commodity. What we’d give to enjoy just one more of those days filled with games, laughter, and yes—even the mess.
I believe in cleaning the house on a regular basis. Keeping common areas germ-free contributes to a healthy lifestyle. I also believe in teaching our kids how to pick up their toys and involving them with simple chores. However, over the years, I’ve learned that, for me, the space between “clean” and “spotless” is a lot of precious time I can never get back.
I had to search my heart to find the truth behind my need to clean. Once I understood my motives, I could make small steps of progress that led to big change. The most noticeable change being the amount of time available to spend with my people.
Letting the dusting wait another day or two (or three) meant another round of our favorite board game. Leaving the laundry for later allowed me time to enjoy playing outside. Even turning on the sprinklers for some water fun in the Texas summer heat! I learned to lean in and be in the moment. And being in the moment tops my list of what’s important.
I’d like to say that fateful day of carpet mayhem taught me to completely let go of my perfectionist ways. But change is a process, friends. I still have work to do, but I’ve come a long way. So if you’re working through this too, give yourself grace. Then, don’t forget to celebrate! Refuse to let that pile of unfolded clothes draw your attention away from what matters most.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/kazoka30
