Age defines how long you've been on this earth; don't give it more power or authority over your life than that.
My daughter held up a flyer for a women's conference, fingers aggressively pointing to a picture of me.
"Mom, that doesn't look like you."
Unsure of what she meant, against my better judgment, I asked her to clarify. She said my hair was shorter, I wasn't wearing the glasses I often wear now, my outfit was a bit "dated," and I looked older - scratch that - more mature now.
"Please," I begged her, "Don't hold back, tell me how you feel."
Who needs critics when you've got family? While I would have appreciated a more subtle hint about the need to update my picture, she wasn't entirely off-base. I was overdue for an updated headshot, but as I rapidly approach 40, I'm not overly eager to jump in front of the camera.
In the upcoming months, we will celebrate the birthdays of friends who are officially over the hill. Men take this milestone more in stride than women, but still, there is a decent amount of angst about entering mid-life. How do we prevent the dreaded mid-life crisis?
1. Remember, age is just a number.
I remind my girls daily they are more than a number on a scale, a piece of paper, or tied to a bank account. You are more than a number; the candles on your birthday cake don't determine your worth, purpose, or identity.
Your age defines how long you've been on this earth; don't give it more power or authority over your life than that. I won't deny as the years tick by, physically, I am not the same I was twenty years ago. I need to stretch a little more before I exercise. I can't function on a few hours of sleep, and my back pays the price after sleeping on the floor with my girls. The reality is as we age, so do our bodies and minds. But that doesn't mean entering into a new decade shuts down all activities of our past. Sign up for a marathon, embark on a second career, return to school, and wear the hip shoes. Age is just a number.
2. Shut down the comparison game.
We all know nothing good comes from comparison. When you think you've mastered "counting it all joy," you wonder why you don't look or feel like other people your age or older. Your great aunt, who is almost 80, can still run two miles a day, but at half her age, you struggle to get out of the driveway for a simple stroll. A good friend's forehead is as smooth as a teenager's, but you struggle with dreaded crow's feet, bunny lines, parentheses, and the 11s. Your age had already made your dad a partner, but you are still building your business and establishing your career.
There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to how life should look. We do a great disservice to ourselves when we overly criticize our circumstances against others. It's best to avoid unhealthy comparisons, but make sure you at least know the facts before concluding your life is middle-aged mediocre.
- Your aunt has had two knee replacements and goes to physical therapy twice a week to help her maintain her running goals.
- Your friend invests heavily in skin treatments and products to help slow the signs of aging.
- Your dad succeeded at a young age thanks to a mentor who allowed him to launch his career overnight.
Refrain from letting your mind get stuck in the comparison trap; shut it down before it starts; it's not helpful and often unproductive.
3. Celebrate the past, embrace the present, and anticipate the future.
I love having the opportunity to sit down with my childhood friend. We don't often get to spend time together while raising tiny humans, managing multiple schedules, and trying to figure out how to sleep and eat somewhere in between. But, when we do, after we catch up on current events, the conversation shifts to, "Remember when?"
It's fun to reminisce on the good old days, especially when the memories are pleasant. But please be careful of comparing today's reality to yesterday's memories. We tend to glamorize the ordinary and downplay the mundane in our recollections of the past. There's no harm in adding a slight rose color to the stories of your youth; celebrate your history, but don't let it determine today's happiness.
Learn to embrace your current season. I have three girls, and after each one moved on to a different development stage, people asked me if I was sad. No, I cherished the memories, embraced their current stage, and looked forward to their future accomplishments. We would benefit if, as adults, we looked at life this way. Enjoy the lazy weekends of your twenties, welcome your growing family in your thirties, relish your flourishing career in your forties, and feel excitement as you launch your kids into the world in your fifties.
There is a healthy tension between planning for tomorrow and living for tomorrow. You either grow older or, as my papa always said, you grow under. I never really understood why he found this joke so funny until I began to wrestle with growing older. We can't stop the calendar; if we are fortunate enough, we must plan for retirement or long-term care. But that doesn't mean it has to consume our thoughts today. You should have a future in mind think about your goals and desires, but hold plans loosely and be open to modification as your life unfolds.
Our society favors the young. But the Scriptures tell us it is a gift to grow old (Proverbs 16:31). Even among the most seasoned believers, we wrestle with aging and the desire to hold on to our youth. It took me a few weeks, but I finally scheduled the appointment with the photographer. Because whether I document it or not, I am growing older daily. Life is too short, our time on this earth too precious to be consumed with how many trips we've made around the sun.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Jacob Lund
She lives in Upstate South Carolina with her husband and three young girls, where she serves as director of women's ministries at her church. Her passion is teaching the Bible to women, equipping them to live with an eternal perspective. Invite Laura to speak at your next event or learn more: www.LauraRBailey.com
