So, you’ve reached the next decade, have you? Forty is nothing to bat an eye at! After all, aren’t the 40’s the new 20’s? Are we supposed to be aging backward at this point? Ha! As much as I would love to think so, these new creases in my forehead tell me otherwise.
That said, the twenties were not years I would particularly want to go back in time to. Granted, they were without laugh lines and “silver” highlights, and they surely came with many fun and new discoveries, but they were also filled with endless insecurities. Then in my thirties, while there was a slow release of some of those self-doubts, I still had little room for grace and felt this need to “be it all” and do it all for everybody. So, with that, exhaustion and overwhelm were by tagalongs, and I basically took them everywhere I went.
Now, here I sit in my mid-to-late forties. And, in all honesty, for the most part, these years have been good to me. While they have come with deep-seeded pain, and filled with sorrowful losses, life has proven to be both beautiful and delicate. It’s brought forth a solemn reminder to love your people like crazy.
So, as I approach the next decade (still a few years out), it’s easy to reflect on the past with fondness while also realizing that the adage, “the days are long, but the years are short,” stings a little differently now. I think that in every season there are days that can feel drug out, but now, once you hit your forties, the days start to feel as if they are all blending together. Maybe it is because the kiddos are a bit older and life has taken somewhat of a detour.
The truth of the matter is that this season of life will stretch you and grow you. You will find you will be more introspective and reflect on your past and maybe even your childhood as certain memories flood back based on life circumstances. This will prompt you to realize it’s okay to take care of yourself and let the little stuff that used to bother you so much go.
While life is still focused on raising your crew, you will seek to set boundaries around solitude, as you will desperately crave it. You’ll also want to make more room to spend with close friends because you realize you really need them in this season of your life.
So, with that, let’s dive in! Here are just a few things I have learned so far. While there are so many other things that I am probably forgetting, (yes, you start to lose your mind a little bit in these years), I am still hoping it gives you a bit of encouragement and maybe something to look forward to if you are on the cusp of turning 40!
1. Your mind and body will be at odds. Simply put, your mind will still tell you that you're fairly young, but your body will have new pains, especially in your hips, knees, and joints that you may have never felt before, hence making you feel “old.”
2. A long-distance dream may seem closer and may be ready to unfold. Keep dreaming and pursue your passions now (Matthew 19:26)!
3. Other’s opinions of you don’t matter as much. Hold your head up high, girl!
4. Self-care is essential now. A skincare routine is crucial, as we age it really matters. Not only for aesthetics but for health reasons too. Truth is, there are so many benefits to taking care of your body. No guilt is necessary!
5. Compassion always wins. We live in a world where kindness is needed for everyone. That means extending it to yourself, too (Ephesians 4:32).
6. You’ll seek more meaningful friendships. You’ll want those friends whom you can lean on in these years because they can come with many twists and unexpected turns (Proverbs 27:9).
7. You’ll begin to embrace the laugh lines. Wrinkles, especially around the eyes, just mean you’ve smiled and laughed a lot—relish in that!
8. The adage “Life is short” rings true. Cherish some of those special moments.
9. You’ll see busyness as more annoying rather than a badge of honor. It’s not about piling everything on yourself to feel important or accomplished; it’s about balancing life, work, and rest (Ephesians 5:15-17).
10. You won’t take yourself so seriously. You will have to laugh to keep from crying.
11. You’ll begin to enjoy the simple pleasures in life. The back porch may have a beautiful sunset to delight in or the flowers in your yard may woo you to pick them (Romans 1:20).
12. There will be a deep need to love your people fiercely. You will begin to realize life is short and our days are numbered. You may even lose loved ones who will remind you to make sure you show and tell those you dearly love just how much they mean to you – every day (Psalm 90:12).
13. Life is still hard, but God is still good (Psalm 145:9).
14. Just eat the dessert!
15. You’ll need reading glasses in a few different prescriptions. Be prepared for your eyes to change – a lot!
16. Hello, neck and back pain! Grr!
17. Hormones will change drastically! You may enter perimenopause and experience a slew of symptoms such as hot flashes, night sweats, headaches, and mood swings. Of course, this generally coincides with your teen's full-on hormonal swings, too! I think this is one of those things that God gives us to embrace the humor in life. (Go back and re-read #10.)
18. A new sense of fatigue will emerge. Due to your body changing at this age, you may experience more of a sense of drain and depletion. Go for walks and rest when you can; it really does help.
19. Your past doesn’t hold you back. Where the past may have haunted you before, you realize we all come with baggage, and you have handed it all over to God, allowing you to embrace the feeling of being fully known, fully loved, and set free (Hebrews 4:16).
20. You can say, “No,” with less guilt.
21. Collagen and health supplements are your friends.
22. You may feel more confident in your abilities. Ride that wave for a while and remember where your help comes from (Proverbs 3:26).
23. Listening really is an art form, but truly worth it. Take the time to hear others out and seek to understand the nature of their hearts. You will learn so much about this life when you do (James 1:19).
24. Coffee (or tea) will become a welcome companion, especially in the afternoon.
25. Loneliness will sneak in at the most unexpected times. Because you have some days behind you, the feeling of loneliness can creep in while you are in a crowded room or sitting in silence, all alone. Rather than seeing it as an unwanted guest, seek to understand why you feel that way and take your heart to your best friend, Jesus.
26. You will reminisce about your childhood more than you did before. This can bring on a wide range of emotions; it’s okay to have “all the feels,” but if it gets to be too much and digs up a brutal or hurtful past, it’s also okay to admit you need support.
27. Yes, you’ll start to see those “gray” highlights come in. Not to worry, they do make specialized hair color for those of us who are wearing a crown of glorified greys (Proverbs 16:31).
28. Heels aren’t as fun to wear as they once were, but own them anyway. On the days you feel extra confident, you’ll want to slip them on. However, to be completely honest, slippers will become your shoe of choice, and you will wear those suckers everywhere, including the grocery store.
29. Yoga pants and buns are fashionable. Repeat. Yoga pants and buns are fashionable.
30. Slather on the sunscreen and wear sunglasses or a hat. Protect your skin!
31. You find that you don’t compare yourself to other women as much as you once did. You begin to feel more comfortable in your own skin, and it’s nice (Galatians 1:10). (Read# 3 again!)
32. Your muscles will feel like rubber bands – Stretch! And stretch often.
33. The hormone cortisol (which kicks in fight or flight) will be higher as your estrogen and progesterone drop. This will be apt to cause more stress, so find ways to seek peace by going for a walk, grounding (standing in grass), listening to soft music, or breathing slowly.
34. Nothing will break your heart more than the unforeseen choices of your teen or young adult kids. You have entered a new season of parenting. One that calls you to step back a bit and let them have a taste of freedom. This is so very hard and comes with a roller coaster ride of highs and lows. Hang on tight!
35. You’ll want to make time for date nights. You are almost at the point where it will be the two of you again, in an empty, very quiet house. Reignite the passion and let the sparks fly so when it’s just the two of you again, you can cherish your time together.
36. You will have to create your own support group. While there are tons of groups for young moms, there are little to no groups for moms with teens or young adults. So, find a group of close friends in the same season and lean on one another (Proverbs 27:17).
37. Purge the closet. Yes, that’s right. Let go of what you haven’t worn in years and hand it down or pass it on.
38. On the heels of the above, you will quickly realize you don’t have to feel pressured to bend and sway to the trends of today. If you like a side part in your hair, you do it. If pale pink lips make you feel shabby chic, you sport it with a classy smile to boot.
39. You realize you still have so much to learn and may entertain a new venture or passion.
40. Your forties will be beautiful and crazy but filled with so much purpose! So live with joy in your heart and the freedom to embrace these years with an eagerness to love others well and to give yourself lots of grace.
Father, we thank you for giving us this life and so many beautiful lessons to learn and grow from. Please help us tuck Your Word and truths into our hearts above all else so we can earnestly seek Your will for each and every season of our lives. Your rich and powerful love gives us the means to walk with grace and dignity as Your beloved daughters, and we are so very grateful for the days You have so graciously supplied. We know our days are numbered, so we pray that we honor You with our life and sing Your praises. Thank you, God… for everything. Amen.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/RUBEN RAMOS